late night/early morning blogging

when there's nothing else to do but think...

i'm tired of trying to force my husband to take an interest in me. i rub up on him, i literally pick up his hands and rub them on me. and the second i let go his hands fall. he is so not interested at all. i can't be mad at him because there are times when i'm like that. so why can't he be like that? because he's not. he's the guy. and he's always been the one to stand at attention whenever he's near me. but lately not so much.

but he's always distracted. either by the tv or the computer or being tired. he never even looks at me anymore. i'm not getting any attention from him. sad thing is i've been feeling very affectionate towards him lately. but its going to waste. maybe this explains the bad dreams.

also...

i'm not excited about xmas this year. i mean, i'm not anti xmas. its nice. i'm just not excited about it. i'm enjoying the month of december. enjoying vacation time. enjoying having a social calendar. just don't feel that feeling. i'm in a good mood thats for sure. just not feeling the excitement. feeling like i could take or leave the pomp and circumstance. i'm satisfied the way things are. but i feel like if i don't celebrate this holiday i'll regret it come the spring.