what happens when you die?

with it being 9/11 i find myself thinking about the lives lost 10yrs ago. i know its morbid but i try to put myself in  their place. i try to picture myself on the plane, or on the top floors of the towers. how it must have felt.

the scariest thing for me is thinking about what happens after we die, or whats outside of space. they both give me the same feeling. the overwhelming unknown scares the shit out of me. our life on earth is so short. what happens for the rest of eternity? and that, right there, is when i'm filled with dread and...something so indescribably upsetting that i can't even deal with it. i start to cry and i need a distraction (tv or talking to someone) to calm down. i can't think about those things.

and of course on days like today when  thinking about all those painful horrible frightening deaths....most of these people knowing they were going to die. some chose to jump off the building as a less painful alternative. death scares me. it scares me so much. there has to be something, something to comfort me. comfort us about death. and i'm not really a religious person. i believe in God but i don't buy into any organized religion. i believe in being a good person and trying to help other. so i can't say that i take solace in prayer. so i went online to do some research.

i had heard about near death experiences, and how several people have similar stories. they all felt this feeling of warmth and love all over their bodies. and how some were given a choice whether they wanted to go back or not. and some didn't  but it wasn't their time yet. maybe it seems far fetched but we all have to believe in something. reading these stories gives me a sense of peace. it helps me deal with me deep fear of death. to know that when this life is over, our spirits still live on. whether its in this ethereal other dimension with love and light or if we're reincarnated (past lives) as other people or living things, it all gives me peace that this isn't the end. we're not just tossed into a black abyss for eternity. i can't deal with that.

i heard someone who had a near death experience say on tv once, something like...this life on earth is only temporary, its a blink, our real lives are waiting for us up there.

believe whatever you want, just believe something. something that brings you peace. holding on to that helps me deal with the death of loved ones, and not to fear my own mortality. and for that i am very grateful.