sigh...

i worked so hard this week. and i gained. i gained. sigh......

it has to be muscle. i lifted HEAVY and i can feel my arms are more defined. which is awesome. but the scale is fucking me up. plus i'm not seeing myself getting thinner at all. i look puffy and fluffy. i hate it. sometimes it feels like i'll never make it to my goal.

it was easier when i kept seeing results. that was before i got more serious with the weights. i've vowed to concentrate more on cardio and keep weights to twice a week. thats all i really need. back/shoulders and bi/tri.

i bought some dance workout stuff for some fun cardio. but i'm gonna try T25 which is a lot more serious. its just hard because something is wrong with me. i'm tired. i mean....it goes in waves. it seems to happen every 2 weeks....i hit this wall and my energy drops so low that i can't even do simple things. like this week was another bad week. i forced myself to get through every workout. thursday i hit the wall and just started to cry bc the thought of doing the things i have to do every night with the baby seemed so overwhelming bc i didn't have the energy to do anything.

at first i thought it was iron. so i started getting more consistent with my supplements. and it went away so i thought that was it. but then it came back again. then went away again, then came back. i really need to see a doctor. i know there must be something wrong with me. it might be all the caffeine messing up my body...sigh...its such a crutch for me.

2 weeks ago my weight went up on the scale. last week was BAD so i didn't bother to weigh. but this week i worked so hard, and made sure my calories were low and burned at least 400 calories daily. and i thought i would see the scale go down. nope up again. its very discouraging and frustrating. sigh...its hard to work so hard and be so disciplined when it feels like its for nothing. at this rate i don't think i will get to my goal by september. i've been doing this march but i've been serious about getting in shape since jan. unfortunately i do have a time limit to do this. i need to get rid of the panni and get preggers again because i'm already 34. sigh.....

i'm going to do this cardio plan. and hope that it makes a difference. i really need this. i need to see results. also i really need to see a doctor because fast paced cardio is really difficult for me lately when i have no energy.  thats why i've been avoiding it. if i do cardio its LONG low impact stuff. i need more short intense stuff.