whats the point

i wish i didn't care so much. thats what causes all my pain. caring. if i didn't care about other people, i wouldn't try to help them and i wouldn't get shit on. if i didn't care what people thought about me i wouldn't care when they're dicks to me. i wouldn't care that i'm not appreciated. i wouldn't care that the only time people say things about me its to say something negative.


if i was the kind of person who could suffer in silence i probably would have killed myself by now.

i'm so sensitive. to a fault. people can make me feel bad so easily. i also feel bad for others. i feel other people's pain. i would never hurt people intentionally. but i feel like i get shit on all the time. and the only one who suffers is me. i'm never gonna change. i can't change. god made me this way. i'm sorry if you don't like it. i'm so sick of people making me feel bad about myself. i'm a good person. it takes so little for someone to make me feel horrible. and alone. i feel alone often.

i don't do well with negativity. i don't handle it well. i close off. i want to run away. or worse.

the best way to deal with someone like me is positive reinforcement. instead of telling me what i do wrong, why don't you praise what i do right. guide me in the right direction. because i'm way more willing to listen to reason or follow direction when i'm not being attacked. the people who got the most work out of me were people who praised me when i did well. it made me want to do well all the time. and i worked really hard to do well.

and thats what it all comes down to. the balance is way off. the level of negative shit people say to and about me way outweighs the positive. and it just wears me down. wears me down. sometimes i get so low i don't have the will anymore. i just don't have the will.