hmm...

i've got some heavy things weighing on my mind right now. have to make drastic life changes which is very scary for me. i'm always scared at the thought of changing something for life. i have a very hard time committing to things. and to say i have to do something a certain way, or can't do something, or always have to do something, for the rest of my life sends me running for the hills. its like some weird mental trigger that is so scared. i know i can't keep up with anything. i have a problem with consistency. always have. thats why i can't stick to anything in my life.

i'm hoping that...because there are things at steak...i can do this. i just need to change the way i think. my brain fucks me up. fucking brain. fucking conditioning.