The Next Two Years

The next two years will be the two most crucial, stressful, and exciting two years of my life so far.

In the next two years I will get pregnant.
I will be buying a house. Because I don't wanna have a baby in an apt or condo.
I will have to get another car.
But before all that can happen I have to lose a substantial amount of weight.

Now this means that these will be 2 very hard years. It will be the challenge of my life. Especially since every day that goes by my desire to get pregnant grows stronger and stronger. I don't know how much longer I can suppress it.

I don't know how we'll afford a house. Let alone another car. All I know is that people do this all the time. It will happen. Maybe not in the most desirable economical way but it will happen. It can be done.

Plans are already in motion to make all these things happen.

In the meantime I'm thinking more and more about what kind of mom I want to be, when I want to have a baby, baby names, and what kind of birth I want.

I used to always say I'll take the epideral right now thats how much i know i want it. Then I started to get interested in a water birth. Then ed told me water birth is a natural birth and that means no drugs. well...that made me pause.

But I just saw this documentary called The Business Of Being Born . It was really interesting. And it made me feel better about childbirth. I always used to be so terrified of the thought of giving birth. But now I feel like...there are ways to make it less uncomfortable and less painful. There will be pain but I don't know, I feel like if I do it on my own terms, I can handle it. And I feel very empowered to make that decision.

But before I can get too excited about all this, there are things that have to be done. Plans that must be put into motion.

Now turning 30 isn't something I dread. Its something I look forward to and get excited about.