you know..maybe i'm just not meant to be a mom. not in he foreseeable future anyway.
i'm often confused abut my purpose in life. i still haven't found it. i thought having a child would bring new meaning into my life. but i don't think i should have one until i've lined up all the pins. i want to do it right. which means that i may not be able to do it for a long time. i refuse to be one of those people that just has a kid without thinking about the consequences. i'm not at the weight i want to be and i will not give up on that though i may have had a recent set back. we're not financially secure enough to do anything but live in this fucking apartment as far as i can see. we can't afford a house, a car, a baby itself. that coupled with the stress of having a kid will seriously hurt our relationship.
please don't leave me comments on this one. i'm not writing this to get a reaction, i just need a place to express my thoughts.
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