The "Thank God I'm Not Pregnant!" Dream

I was so relieved when i woke up today. and you may be surprised to know why.
i only remember little snippets of my dream so i can't explain it very well but here it goes.

DREAM:
i had missed my period. i went with my friends to my gyno. she said i wasn't pregnant yet, but to give it some time and if my period didn't come in the next couple of weeks i'd be pregnant.

that turned into me thinking i was pregnant. no one made any fuss at all. i sat and had a convo with my mom. she asked me if i was showing. i said i felt like i was showing but its hard to tell on me. i told her i was upset because no one was making a big deal. she said its because it wasn't really my baby. i was having it for that lesbian over there. i said but it IS my baby! i'm gonna raise it with her. i'll be its mother. so i deserve some excitement from people. but i felt really sad and worried. this is not how i wanted it to happen. not like this. not now. i didn't want to have a baby with a lesbian. i'm not a lesbian. i want to have a baby with ed! oh no what did i get myself into? oh god its too late now, there's nothing i can do. then my mom asked "are you sure you're pregnant?" and i remembered back to the gyno apt. she never actually said i was pregnant. in fact she said i wasn't yet. THANK GOD!!!! I'M NOT PREGNANT!!! and then i woke up beaming from ear to ear. never so glad to not be knocked up.

explanations:

1. i had a conversation with my friend yesterday. i told her i got off the pill and i haven't gotten my period yet. she said to give it a few months for my body to reboot itself. but she also said a friend of hers got off the pill and got pregnant the same month. so that explains the gyno apt in my dream.

2. the lesbian thing is a product of all this Prop 8 stuff i've been seeing everywhere. Last night before i went to sleep there was something on the news about these 2 lesbians that had gotten married before the prop was passed.

3. not being ready for a baby. not wanting it like this. this doesn't mean that i don't want a baby or that i'm in some way not ready to be a parent. this is because i talked to ed about being worried that with the new school loan and school that if something happened and i got pregnant now it would ruin everything. we're taking a financial risk and we have no wiggle room for error here. i can't let anything get me off course. i want to have a baby when i've completed my tasks and i can relax and enjoy pregnancy. i can't do that now. i'm focused on school. i want to do things the right way.

so there you go. i just had to share.