I often go through life feeling like i don't belong. no matter what city i live in, whether its among strangers or friends and family, i feel like i don't belong. i feel so alone sometimes.
my goal in life is to feel like i belong to something. thats what mission ska has given me. i've found friends on twitter who share so much of my opinions and loves that i finally feel like i'm understood. when i explained my ideals, what was in my heart to my friend gabe (twitter friend who runs a podcast) he understood and felt the same way. he supported me. it was such an amazing feeling to finally be understood.
its an understanding that i've never had before. because no one in my life (other than ed) has ever gotten the whole ska thing. diana liked ska but not the same way. i don't believe she loves it the way i do. in fact she hasn't seemed to care much about mission ska at all. which was really disappointing. so its so freeing to explain mission ska and have people actually get it and say i'm doing something important.
on the other hand, i'm not all ska. there's the other part of me. the twitter.com/sushifabush part of me. so do i feel completely understood? no. i don't know if i ever will.
sometimes i feel like ed keeps me like a pet. he loves me and puts up with me. and for all my eccentricities he pats me on the head. but i don't feel like he admires me in any way. looks up to me like i do to him. he's obviously the smart grown up one. i just want to find my place in this world where people look up to me. is that such a weird thing? such a selfish thing? maybe i wouldn't feel like such a loser.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
You're so not a loser!
ReplyDeleteUs Ska lovers are a rare breed. It's hard to find each other, but when we do, it's a great feeling. =)
I didn't know you had another Twitter. Ima follow you right now.