god i have the worst anxiety. its really kind of crippling. it stops me from doing a lot of things. lots of activities, meeting new people, pursuing goals. i hide away in my apt where its safe. i never go out of my comfort zone. and when i attempt to i get so upset to the point where i'm visibly shaken and on the verge of tears. it really holds me back in life. i think its part of the reason i am the way i am and why i have the life i do.
even if i found out that someone wanted me to be on a tv show or in a movie i would be excited for 5 min and then a title wave of anxiety would wash over me and i would say "forget it. forget it. i don't wanna do it. nevermind."
i mean i get these attacks. i remember being on the T in boston and knowing my stop was coming up next and i would get this anxiety attack. why?? because i might miss it and go too far in the other direction? whats the problem? when i would get called on in school...even in college it would be like i was suffocating. and when i know someone other than friend or family is gonna call (business related, interview, something serious) i get super nervous. and don't get me started on doctor appointments. my stomach starts hurting and its just bad.
i look for excuses anywhere to not do most things. i'm afraid of failure. i'm afraid of success. i'm afraid of anything thats hard or uncomfortable or puts me on the spot.
there's no end to this entry.
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prima. i can totally relate. i get these a lot. maybe not as much as you, but i totally understand. i know it's hard, but you have to think to yourself and remember all those times when you were successful and you did overcome your anxiety...any small moment, it doesn't matter. and have the faith that you will get by again. i know it's hard, but you shouldn't let that control what could be something really life changing or just a great experience in your life. just some small advise. this is what i do and it helps.
ReplyDeletebtw, this happened to me today....ronnie reminded me that i need to change my license to NC. I asked "but that means I have to take a test?" and he said "yes" and i said "but i'll fail!" and ronnie wondered why i always think i will fail at things?!
thank you prima :) thats good advice.
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