its my birthday- and i'm depressed

its my birthday but i just feel like listening to coldplay and crying. i feel like i need a good cry. i've been needing one since friday. the sex and the city movie. i held in a lot of crying. then my sister just gets me to the point where i want to cry because she's so mean and just constantly attacking every little thing.

and my best friend has been really selfish lately. she didn't even remember my birthday. we were on the phone at midnight.

and because ed's been under a stressful deadline the passed two weekends i've hardly spent any time with him. just eating and sleeping. and i've been pretty cool about it this weekend. i don't think i nagged him. but now that its my birthday i'm just starting to break down. because this is the one day i want to feel special. i think everyone should feel special on their birthday. but i just feel like today will be just like any other day because everyone else has other shit on their mind. and its just making me sad. because i don't want my bday to be just another day. thats sad. every single day is just another day. if every day becomes blah then what are we living for?

i just need to feel something. i'm so depressed right now. i'm not sure. but i just want to crawl into bed with all the lights off, listen to crying music, and cry.

i'm sick of being walked all over by people. by my sister, by my friend, by my husband's schedule. i'm just mad. its too much. i'm sick of just shutting up and taking it.