I don't know about this pouch test

I'm starting to think this might be doing more damage than good. i remember the first time i attempted this, it backfired.

now i'm thinking the same thing. i'm at day 3. but i'm craving baked goods in a way i never did before. i have such an urge to just binge on sweets. and this was something i never did before. i never binged when i ate regularly. i was good. i would splurge a little here and there but never eat more than one of anything. so this makes me think that maybe the pouch test, at least for me, might be doing more harm than good.

because i feel deprived. and it makes me want those other things more. i know its a mental game. before when i didn't deny myself anything i didn't feel the need to do anything crazy because i knew i always had access. i could go without it. or just have a taste.

wow. i think i have to officially call this thing off. i'm gonna have to think of another way to get myself back on track than this. maybe just keep it simple. just eat lean proteins and cut out sugar/carbs for a few days. but not this. sorry.

i've had a bag of m&ms since after surgery. i got a craving back then, and i think i ate 4 or 6 m&ms. and i kept it there in case i ever felt the need. that bag is still there. and right now i feel a STRONG urge to finish it off. its an urge i can't fight. and i don't like this feeling.

i don't feel like a failure for calling off the pouch test for the 2nd time. i'm listening to my body. and i think i've proven to myself that this isn't working for me. i tried twice and twice my body said no. and i'm gonna listen to it.

bottom line, i'd rather eat more and work out in the gym than starve myself. because depriving myself is the worst feeling in the world. thats not why i got this surgery. to deprive myself.