mother issues

all i hear from my mom is her nagging me about one thing or another. even when i give her good news, if i'm doing well, she can't just say "thats great! good job!", she always finds SOMETHING i could be doing better. its so annoying. why does she do that?? she always has to shit on something. she doesn't even know she's doing it. she's just trying to "help me" but she's not.

the thing that really upsets me is that she bends over backwards to take all the abuse from my sister. my sister is a total bitch who's always nasty. my mom always takes it. why? because she's probably trying to keep the peace. keep my sister from exploding. but with me, no, with me she gets all defensive. why? maybe because i don't blow up. i just run away and cry. its so unfair. my sister is an emotional bully and my mom is right behind her.

no my sister can do no wrong. because, its not her fault, thats just the way she is. but it seems like i can never do anything right. and she's so fucking passive aggressive. its so immature. shouldn't the mother be the mature one?

*edit*

so i thought about it. i think she may be the reason i don't know how to deal with people or things when it gets bad. i either walk away, and when i can't do that, i completely close off. she's that same way. and both of us dealing with each other is the worst of the worst. my dad, for all his meltowns, he usually listens with a gentleness. he's not always on guard like she is.

right after this happened with my mom i felt like i wanted to cut her off and move away. super dramatic. but i'm fucked up hormonally and i react to things very deeply. now that time has passed i just don't feel like talking to her for a while.

i think i figured out what bothers me the most. she judges me constantly. when i told her about my concerns for marlena she immediately jumped to marlena's defense and made me feel like i was the enemy. instead of being impartial. she could have been like, well she usually eats healthy, but i understand why you would be concerned. but no it was more like, SHE eats healthy, it was only that one time. and the reason i didn't know you had pcos is YOUR fault.

whatever. i have too many fucking issues with her. too many fucking issues. i can only hope i have, with the help of ed, a better relationship with my kids. i'm a lot more vocal than she is so i'm hoping that works in my favor.