i gained 2 lbs!!!

this isn't the first time i gained weight. its the 2nd. and i wasn't happy about it last time either.

i refuse to believe i caused this by eating marshmallows and rice this week. no no! i refuse! because i've had weekend cupcake binges and nothing happened.

no...it must be muscle mass. i'm throbbing after last nights kickboxing class. he worked us so hard. i've gone to 4 kickboxing classes. i'm not sore anymore. surprisingly. i expected to be so sore today. but now i just feel heavier. does that make sense? i feel like i'm wearing weighed down shoulder pads and weights on my legs. stronger. but heavier. i'm sure thats what it is. and if so, thats ok. but still, no one likes to see the scale go up.

especially since i have my surgeon apt next week. and they ALWAYS make me feel like shit. they never say anything encouraging or congratulate me on my accomplishments. its always like, you haven't lost enough, what are you doing wrong? are you eating carbs? i told you not to eat carbs. sigh..i'm sorry, i'm 10 months out, not eating carbs is just not realistic for me. i eat LOW carb, but every now and then i'll have some rice, some bread or a cupcake. but i'll never tell them about the cupcakes. are you kidding??

and on top of that i'm gonna tell them about wanting to start trying for a kid after my 1 year mark in august. to which i will no doubt receive a barrage of lectures. i really loathe going to my surgeon. they always make me feel like shit. i'm gonna have to man up and wear a mask and try not to let them get to me.

anyway...i'm sure its muscle mass.