some nice moments in the midst of misery

so i don't know if you know this but i'm fucking miserable. if i had it my way i would sleep till sept 17th. but then i would miss out on a ton of fluid and protein. wish i could hook myself up to an iv and get protein and fluids pumped into my veins. along with a steady stream of pain killers to keep me sleeping.

this liquid diet sucks big fat donkey balls, which by the way is the way all liquid protein tastes to me. i haven't eaten food since august 1st and i can't eat again till sept 17th. i'm miserable. i have 2 modes. hungry and uncomfortably full. every time i drink protein i get the whole " i wanna barf" feeling. i feel like i'm constantly putting things down my throat so i can meet my quotas of liquids and protein, which i never meet. so yeah. the days suck and they're so long and slow. i'm miserable. i feel so deprived. its keeping me from enjoying my life. i feel like if i can have a little bit of something i enjoy (real food like meat or cheese or cooked veggies) then i can be happy and move on with my day in a better mood.

i couldn't start my life before because i was healing. now i'm almost all healed up and i still feel like i can't start my life because of the food thing. ugh. so frustrating.

but anyway, nice moments here and there. i don't even remember what the hell i was writing this about in the first place. oh yea....today for the first time in over a month i shaved my legs! i can wear shorts now. and i might go to the gym this week. gotta get out of this apt.

i can't wait till the one month mark (sept 17th). then i can eat. i can weigh myself. i will finally reveal myself to my friends and start going out and living life again. can't wait! my incision tape will be off by then, they're falling off now. so yes....i'm miserably getting by day by long ass day till then.