What my husband said

My husband said something to me the other night that made me feel better.

I'm still on liquids. blah. friday night we went to my parents house for dinner. i had soup. my husband had shorty's ribs with a baked potato and a slice of crusty garlic bread. yeah. horrible. i smelled it and looked at it and lusted over it. it sucked. it doesn't bother me that he ate that in front of me. it bothers me that i couldn't even taste it.

so i was like...well if i could eat...i couldn't really eat the ribs. and my husband said, why not? and i said well ribs are fattening and the bbq sauce has a lot of sugar. and he said "so what? so maybe some days you eat things that have a little more fat and a little more carbs" lol. such a simple thought but god did it make me feel good! i have to not sabotage myself by saying i can't have things. and besides even if i do indulge, i can't eat much of it. so its still ok. i have to keep telling this to myself over and over. i have to stop telling myself i can't eat this or can't eat that. i can pretty much eat whatever. everything in moderation. moderation is the key.

many of you guys slip and have bad days. so what? not the end of the world. you have a bad day, big deal. the next day you do better. and you're still losing and still doing great. and i bow down to you. :)

meanwhile 5 more days till i can eat and i have to be honest food is all i think about. i hate being like this. after surgery when i wasn't hungry and had no appetite i was so happy and felt so free to not think about food anymore. and now its all i think about again. grrr. i just can't take it anymore. can't i just have a nice lovely beautiful delicious meal? then i can move on and do other things. but now its like ugh....never satisfied.

i have been eating a lot of cheese. like 2-3 slices a day. how bad is that? i'm supposed to be on liquids till friday. but i swear it keeps me sane. and goes down easy. plus its a yummy source of protein.

sigh.....5 more days...actually not counting today (since its late) 4 more days. gotta hang in there. but it seems so arbitrary at this point. i just want to eat food already!