don't bring me down man

went to my 4 month follow up. their scale usually weighs me higher but today i was .5lbs less. their scale read 198lbs. also the blood pressure machine used to always hurt so much and it would never give an accurate reading and they always ended up having to do it manually. but today it didn't hurt! and it read an accurate reading! woohoo! i was feeling great about myself. then my doc came in and said, ok well, you're doing ok. i'm like (to myself) just ok?? geez give me a little credit. i'm doing awesome. how bout some encouragement? sheesh! she was like telling me that the first year is the easiest to lose weight so i have to lose as much as i can now. and if i cut out all carbs i could be losing more weight. i hardly eat carbs now. but i don't get any credit. listen, i didn't get this surgery to live a life of deprivation. fuck that and fuck you very much. i'm not in a race. and most doctors would say that losing 1-2lbs a week is ideal for maintaining weight loss. its like they're encouraging huge weight loss in a short time.

you know that kind of shit really fucks with my head you know? i don't want to be sabotaged by other ppl's stinkin' thinkin'. i know i'm doing well and i'm just gonna keep doing what i'm doing.

thanks for being here for me and encouraging me you guys. it helps so much to have a support system when everyone around you is waiting for you to fail.