Hopeful

Woke up today feeling like a failure. been feeling that way a lot lately. for not having lost more weight by now. for not dropping in sizes like i was before. for not being in a bikini like i thought i would be by now. for not being ass successful as my doctor wanted me to be.

my cousin posted this quote on fb today:

"Almost all of our unhappiness is a result of comparing ourselves to others." 

keep swimming towards YOUR OWN happiness! :) ♥

Its true isn't it? she also said to me on twitter:

don't beat urself up! It will be fine! You have done great...think positive!!!! ;) xo. u know how our bodies work! You have prob hit a plateau! U will figure out how to get it going again. Don't stress :)

Yeah...a plateau! of course! everyone hits that plateau around this time. sometimes for months!  i  know i will never lose as quickly or as much as before. but i will keep pushing on. stop beating myself up and push through. and eventually the scale will go down again. there's no deadline. honestly if this is all the weight i lose i should still be very proud of myself. i'm 90lbs lighter. i'm way healthier. my BMI does not define me (i've lost 20 bmi points btw). i'm not going to try to be the weight my surgeon or others expect me to be. i can't live for other people.  but i will stay positive. this plateau is not going to get the best of me.

on another note i went to the gyno today. she was very proud of my progress. and was very supportive of my choice to try to conceive. she said i should get off the pill and just start trying. and that hopefully next time she sees me i'm pregnant :) that made me so happy. i finally have the go ahead, i know its the right thing and its time. finally. no more delays. i couldn't be happier. i've waited for this so long.