I don't hate the fat me

I was watching this horrible show on E! today about the 40 biggest celeb slimdowns. I found it really sad how some of these people look sickly now and people are saying they look great. Or how people held on to some weight after pregnancy and were called fat. Its appalling really. I noticed that some of them must have had WLS (i'm guessing gastric bypass) which was clear only to someone who has done research on WLS.


Anyway I saw some of the celebs talking about how the fat them was so gross and they hated that person that they were. Well, maybe I'm not at that stage yet but I don't think I'm gross at all. I'm sorry but I love myself. My husband loves me. I'm not disgusted with myself. I don't have gross habits or eat like a pig or any of that stuff. A common misconception about fat people, and about me especially, is that we eat too much. "Just put the donut down fatty" or "she looks like she ate someone" It infuriates me. Because I was never a volume eater. In fact I get full faster than most people do. My weight is a result of poor food choices, emotional eating and undiagnosed (until last year) insulin resistance. So...no...I don't hate myself. I realize I'm not very healthy and staying at this weight will only cause a myriad of problems down the line. I realize even though I love myself now I'll love myself even more later. I realize I'll look better and healthier. I realize I'll look back at myself and say "god what was i thinking?!!". But I hope I don't say, Oh god I'm glad I'm not that nasty mess I was before. Because I'm not a nasty mess at all. And I don't want to fall prey to the same nasty way of thinking as those talking heads on that E! show who were judging those celebrities.

So here's to a better more healthier me. But I won't turn my back on the former me. After all, it was this me who landed my husband. It was this me who accomplished graduating college with honors. Its this me who everyone I know loves. And if anything the hugs will suffer. Because I give damn good hugs at this weight.