Thoughts of a fat person

I used to feel like a fat person on the outside but a skinny person on the inside. I don't remember how long ago that was. But I haven't felt that way in a long time. I feel like a fat person through and through. Somewhere in the last 5 yrs I started to love myself. When I felt like a skinny person inside I hated myself. But I don't hate myself now. I've learned to love my curves. Big girls are sexy, especially when they know how to work it. Its all about confidence. I'm happy that I don't look at myself in disgust when I look in the mirror. I mean there are some angles where I'm displeased, like my face from the side, or the way I look when I sit down. Oof, you just can't hide that. lol. But I've learned to accept what I look like. I don't cringe at pictures anymore or refuse to let people post certain pics of me. Because its no secret I'm fat. Thats what I had to realize. Everyone at the party saw you looking like that, you're not fooling anyone with camera angles. lol. I wonder how I will deal (if i can get this surgery) when I lose weight.

I see many people who are worse off than me and deserve it more than me. I always have a problem feeling too sorry for myself or wining too much about my situation because I've always had it ok. There are so many people in this world so much worse off than me (financially, health wise, etc). Sometimes I have a hard time realizing that just because my situation isn't as bad as others doesn't mean it doesn't have worth. I definitely think I've paid my dues as far as this health stuff is concerned.

I know that losing the weight finally will bring lots of psychological things up for sure. For sure. Things will change big time.

On another note....I hear alot about people who have lost or are losing lots of weight but what is maintaining like? Are there people out there who've been able to maintain the weight after they reached their goal? My biggest fear is to have gone through everything and then gaining it back.