Eggplant Water

did i tell you about the eggplant water? i read that eggplant water is good for ppl with PCOS because it helps with insulin resistance and lots of ppl are saying that drinking just one ounce a day helps bring down your blood pressure and helps you lose weight. i don't have high blood pressure that i know of. but it couldn't hurt. lets see if it works. there isn't a set recipe anywhere but i can tell you what i've heard.


What you'll need:

- medium sized eggplant
- (at least) 60 oz glass container
- 60 oz distilled water


What you're supposed to do:

Wash but don't peel the eggplant. Cut the eggplant in half so there's a top and a bottom half. Put one of the halves away. Cut up the other half into cubes. Put the cubes into the container and fill it with distilled water. Cover container and put it in the fridge for 3-4 days. Then you can drink it. About 3 days later you should remove the chunks of eggplant from the water, but you can keep the container in the fridge and it should keep for a good amount of time. 60oz of water, drink one oz a day, so it should last about 60 days. Apparently you should start to see results in the first week. And by results i mean better blood pressure numbers and possibly you could lose a couple lbs.

I have no idea if its water weight or what. Or if it will come back when you stop taking it. All i know is that the people i've talked to like it and have been doing it for a week or so and are seeing results. Also its cheap and natural so no harm in trying. If it helps with my PCOS then i'm happy.

Now here's a big question. What does it taste like? Because lets be honest, it sounds pretty gross. But i've been told that it smells like grapes and tastes just like water. In other words, no real taste. So thats good. I can tell you that while i was cutting up the eggplant i noticed it smelled good, like grapes.


Now....here's what I did.

- all they had at the store were giant eggplants. lol. but for only $1.99 i didn't see the problem. lol.

- i couldn't find a glass container that held 60oz. i mean where the hell are you supposed to get that?? so i used an old spaghetti sauce jar. i washed it, then boiled it to sterilize it. its a smaller jar. maybe like 30 or 40 oz. i also bought a plastic jug with a screw on top that holds 64 oz.

-distilled water. i didn't know what this was. so i had to go to the store and find it. but i was able to get a gallon.

-i cut up half the eggplant but since its such a big one i used some of the cubes in the glass jar and put the rest in the plastic jug. honestly i don't know why it has to be a glass jar. i have no idea if it makes a diff. so better to be safe than sorry. i have one glass and one plastic. we'll see how it goes. i'll let you know in 4 days.


i did notice that the plastic jug is already starting to change color. i don't know if its because of the plastic or because it has more eggplant in it.

*update* 4 DAYS LATER

Today

I went to Jenny's and she sewed my new pillow! My old one shrunk down. I needed a new one. Now I have 2. When this one shrinks down I'll take the old one to her for re-stuffing. This way I never have to be without a pillow. Clever, eh? :)

I finally got my period. I was doubting it would even come. It came when I was at jenny's house. I thought it would be a doozy. but so far it hasn't been at all. i only got a little bit of scraping.

i had the best nap i've had in weeks! thanks to my new pillow! :)

the music video is almost done. i just have to bounce it to AE to put some fx on it and then add credits. but i'm NOT gonna put it online. not now anyway. I want to do a screening. Either rent out a space or find someone with a big tv. and screen all my work. i deserve my moment to shine after all my months of hard work :) then once everyone has seen it, then i'll put it online.

my plan is to learn dvd studio pro and compressor, put together an editing reel, learn some cool stuff in AE and put together an AE reel, try to get a job doing editing or visual fx and if not i'll get a part time entry level job at channel 7. its nice to have a plan. i feel good about it. like i have options. like there's hope. :) oct is my deadline. we'll see what happens then.

right now i'm working on customizing my cafepress site. and also working on some true blood t-shirts.

i swear i CANNOT do just one thing at a time. i seriously must have A.D.D. because i need to constantly be working on several things because otherwise i'll get bored if i can't switch back and forth every couple of minutes.

dear diary

i want to be pregnant!! most of the time i'm ok. but when i read about or hear about other ppl doing all these pregnancy related things thats when it really hits me. like...no fair...when is it gonna be my turn? then i have to just remember i'm the one stopping myself. for a reason. i want to be healthier...and i'm on my way. i want to have a job...and i'm workin on it. i want a house....this one is up in the air. frankly at this point...i'm willing to bend on that one.

i will say this to you diary. because i'm sure everyone else is sick of hearing it. i really really want to be pregnant. but here's the saddest most gut wrenching part.

the more i look into PCOS the more i fear that i won't even be able to get pregnant. there are people with pcos who have been trying to get pregnant for years. wouldn't that be the most vicious of ironies? all i've ever wanted was a baby. i wait and wait and work really hard so i can have one. and now i probably won't be able to have one of my own. its the saddest thing i can even think of. this condition already has me feeling like less of a woman. because i have no libido and therefore am a bad wife. not to mention all the physical side effects. i struggle every day with my femininity. but to not be able to get pregnant would be the dagger in my heart. then i wouldn't be able to do the one thing that makes me a woman.

i wish i could be normal. just normal. not special or anything. just normal.

Marriage rut

every marriage goes through periods of blah. we're going through one right now. not sure what caused it. if its something i did that bothered him (and he never told me), or the fact that i haven't been in the mood for sex in a while (guys feel closer to you after sex, go figure) or maybe there's no real reason. but its there. i don't think he notices, or cares. it could be one of those domino effect things. he's not affectionate toward me so i don't feel affectionate toward him but he's not affectionate because i'm not. its a vicious cycle. but i tried. i made the effort this weekend. i feel like he just wasn't interested. i should talk to him about it, but he just gets this blank stare like he has no idea what i'm talking about. so whats the point?

i know there are periods when he misses me and is happy to see me and wants to be around me. and then there are periods like now where we're just there. and it wouldn't make a difference if i was there or not. right now we're more like roommates than husband and wife.

i hope this lull ends soon. maybe it will end on its own. maybe i just have to wait it out. we'll see.

*edit* maybe its the depression. another side effect of PCOS and since this is my period week and i'm not on the pill, its probably that. i still think there's a lack of sweetness around here. but today i notice i'm having the blues. and i'm feeling lethargic.

Welcome back!

Been away for a while. Trying to get my shit together. and i have! :)

this has been a kick ass week!

Let's see... i've been working out every day this week. one day weights, one day aerobic cardio. its been rough. not gonna lie. hard to get back in the swing. i SO was not feeling it yesterday. plus i haven't been sleeping much and going to bed so late. but even though i went to bed late yesterday i woke up refreshed today. for once. i think its because i took like 2 naps yesterday. so i woke up at 8am today and got up. i went to the gym. it was so hot in there. the sun was just beaming in. but listening to your own music is a big help. it gets you going. so its not even time for The View and i already worked out and showered! :)

ok other than that...

I have been doing some actual work this week. I've done 2 things on the TO DO list i made after school was over.
1. order new business cards and 2. make a voice over page on my website. done and done!

then i did a rough cut of my music video for nathaniel and it came out great! he loved it! and it reminded me that i do have talent and i do enjoy editing :) got my juices flowing again.


i'm now working on the actual video which will contain little to no green screen footage.

SAE is STILL dragging their fucking feet with our refunds and certificates and i'm really getting pissed. he told me last week. now 2 weeks have gone by and nothing. I HATE THAT MAN. hate him. he's a giant fucking douchebag. i HATE having to depend on him. i wanna get my shit and i never wanna have to deal with him again.

but for the most part its been a great week!

back on track

last week was my transition week. i never ate anything bad, but i wasn't as strict as i used to be before hmr. my biggest splurge? sushi! :) not a bad splurge i think. although the thai iced tea was a sugary splurge for real. i need to transition into the way i was eating before. my choices aren't bad but i can make healthier ones. small changes, you know. also trying to get back to the small portions like before.

today i made it a point to wake up early and hit the gym. i did weights for the first time in weeks!! and boy i felt outta shape!!! it was rough. i felt like a weakling! lol. gotta change that. i wanna get back in fighting shape baby. i loved how i felt when i was strong and doing weights every day. gotta get back to that. doing aerobics is cool and it works parts of my body that i don't work at the gym but its not a replacement for doing weights. i need to find a way to juggle both.

also i did 30 min on the elliptical. working out the old fashioned way. it was work baby. work! but i did it! :) gotta get back in the routine. i miss feeling strong and sleek. i wanna feel that again.

this sketch really spoke to me

Michael & Michael Have Issues	Wed 10:30pm / 9:30c
Break-Up Sweatpants
www.comedycentral.com
Joke of the Day Stand-Up Comedy Free Online Games

yum yum eating real food again

just did a big grocery load. lots of yummy fruits, meats and yummy stuff. stuff i used to get. nothing like FRESH food and VARIETY!! i'm so happy!! i'm happy again! yay!!


fucking hmr made me sick of veggies. so right now i'm going heavy and on fruit and trying to slowly re-introduce veggies.

A new day has come

Yesterday was soooo rough. I can't even tell you. I was so nauseous all day. Everything made me wanna puke. I couldn't really, and didn't really eat. The only thing i was able to consume was Special K cereal (with no milk) and some diet soda. i guess because it was so different from what i've been eating for the past week. everything else was too similar. i couldn't even drink water. ugh it was awful. i was so miserable. i drank some spicy ginger tea last night and that helped. then i went to bed. oof.


but i'm happy to report that i woke up bright and early at 8:30 am feeling sooo much better!! i think i'm well on my way to getting back to normal. i want to forget that entire ordeal and put it all behind me. and not talk about it anymore. i'm being a little more flexible with my diet right now. still staying within the umbrella of healthy choices, but letting myself ride the border for now. until i feel healthy enough to transition back to where i started from before this whole fiasco. i hope to eat some real meat today. i think my body really needs it. i hope i can handle it. things are still sensitive for me. i feel like my stomach just got out of an abusive relationship. lol. i'm just trying to get back to normal.

thanks to everyone for being super supportive. it really really helps. i feel like so much healthier today.

GREEN DAY CONCERT!!

Finally!! on to some non-diet related news. Last night was the Green Day concert!!! woohoo!! my mom got me the tix for my bday in June. best birthday surprise ever ever ever!!!

These pics aren't great but its the best i could get.






now if you wanna see some truly amazing pics of the concert, check them out here

video taken by someone alot closer than me


We were right outside the tour busses waiting for them to come out. But at nearly 1am...we had to give up. we hadn't eaten or drinken anything in over 4 hours! plus ed had to work the next day.



I was dehydrated, tired, sore, and hungry. but i was high on adrenaline and perfectly happy to wait for them all night.



Some pics of downtown at night. its quite lovely.





The freedom tower at night


someone enjoyed their concert huh?


someone was tired, hungry, sweaty, itchy and not in the mood





THE END!

OK no more HMR

Had to be done. Gonna get back to doing what I was doing before. enjoy life again. :)

so thats that.

Change of heart?

ok i'm gonna sound like a broke record here and forgive me if i've said this many times. its on my mind right now and i feel like i have to get it out or it'll be on my mind all day.

ok so here's the deal. as you know, when i found out i had pcos something clicked in my head and i finally committed to getting healthy and losing the weight. this meant cutting way down on carbs, cutting portions and eating mostly meats and fruits and veggies. which was great. i never felt deprived. i never felt the need to eat the bad things because there was so much variety in the good things. i was happy. i didn't fall prey to temptation. life was good. but i longed for something more convenient. "just tell me what to eat and i'll eat it" was my motto. and i got what i asked for with HMR. they make it really easy and really convenient. but i find the food to be 5 diff versions of the same shit. drenched in cheap tomato sauce. i find myself getting nauseous at the thought of eating it. and i'm getting sick of veggies too!! ugh...

when i was doing it n my own i never felt like i was on a diet. i just felt like i was making better choices. it was never "i can't eat that" it was "no, i'm not eating that anymore". i'm finding myself miserable. and last night i was so close to eating bread with butter that i almost lost control. it was the hardest thing. living like this makes life miserable. i'm sorry, it does. its just a series of "i can't". i can't eat this i can't eat that. i can't get too excited about going to an outing because i know i can't enjoy myself fully.

i'm really afraid that this diet is gonna break me. its gonna break my momentum, my motivation, that awesome light switch that went off in my head. i don't want to lose that. its too important to me. i feel like this diet is damaging. like this will break me. and that will be the worst thing that could happen to me.

so...i feel like i should find another way. the HMR coaches make some good points. they say doing it the natural way isn't impossible but you're constantly bombarded with temptation and food and most ppl just can't do it on their own. and for most people, including the old meli, that would be true. but they don't realize that for me, something clicked. and i don't want to ruin that, and i hope i didn't already do too much damage. i did it on my own for a month and i was great! i'm fully confident i can continue that. yeah sure it won't be convenient. but....you can't have it all. either convenient and deprived or happy and have to prepare all your meals.

i thought about doing something else, like jenny craig. something with more variety and better tasting food. and maybe one day i will do that. but for right now, financially i can get by doing it on my own. maybe i'll keep some of the HMR food and replace some of my meals with it, the way ppl on maintenance do. but i just think it would do more damage than good to stay on this diet.

it might take me longer to lose the weight. i might not be 50lbs lighter by christmas like i was hoping for. but thats ok. as long as it goes down steadily. thats good. and i will continue to work out. hopefully i'll have more energy.

and thats it. what do you guys think?

haha

i bought this exercise ball so i can do the resistance workouts on my workout dvd. it turns out i'm too heavy for it!!! i would have to lose 18 more pounds just to be at the max allowable weight to use it. omg. what a larf. how the hell are you supposed to lose weight if you're too fat for the equipment?

First weigh in with HMR

Well i lost 2.5lbs. Which is ok i guess. nothing spectacular. especially when i hear other ppl talking about losing 4 or 5lbs the first week. sigh...

but like ivonne said you can't always tell by the numbers.

good news is i've lost an inch and a half off my waist!! in one week!! now THATS results i can be happy about.

Thank you!

Just wanted to thank Ivonne for giving me some positive reinforcement when i really needed it! This diet has me going a little nutso! lol. hearing you say that i should stick with it and that the body sometimes takes 2-3 weeks to adjust really helps!!! ok...so there should be some change eventually. i just gotta hang in there! i can do it!

you know how everyone has their own opinions about dieting. so its easy for someone to look at what i'm doing and poo poo it. and i think thats dangerous because people in my position are so fragile. struggling every day. so for you to give me positive feedback and support is like you saying "feeling weak? here, i'll put my back against yours and you can lean on it. just don't sit down." you're awesome! thank you!!!

7 days on his diet

every single day is a struggle. its so incredibly limiting. you think of the simple pleasures you once had, like shrimp and broccoli or a piece of wheat toast with peanut butter. such simple healthy things are off limits to me now. it sucks. when i was eating healthy and cutting out carbs i never felt restricted. i was happy and i kept doing my thing. but this diet...man...i'm not gonna lie. its really rough. its getting rougher and rougher and the days go on. i thought it would get easier but no. the opposite.

its been 7 days. tomorrow i weigh in and get my phone call. if i don't see some serious numbers then i don't think i can continue this. life is just.....its not enjoyable when you're a prisoner to these type of restrictions. if i'm only losing 1-2lbs a week, i'll go back to what i was doing before and losing 1-2lbs a week.

but now that i'm pretty certain i'm retaining water...who knows what will happen tomorrow. anyway....for the time being...its just an every day struggle.

oh monday monday

went to SAE for hopefully the last time. to get my Apple Care (which we were supposed to get months ago) and sign the final withdrawal papers. but its still not completely over. i still have to get my refund and my certificates. then its done.

the stench of onions still lingers in the fridge. i have about half an onion sliced (left over from the weekend) in a baggie. i then placed that baggie into a bigger ziploc baggie and the smell is still really strong. still makes me wanna puke.

also, i think because of the progesterone i took at the beginning of july made my body ready to have my period this week. but then i start birth control yesterday. but here's the thing...my body seems to have already started the pre menstrual process so i feel like i'm retaining water. booo. so it might affect the numbers at weigh in tomorrow. BOOOOO!!

i did the "project you type 2" aerobic work out today after not doing it for 3 days. and surprisingly i got through almost the entire thing!! wow! go me!!! i'm so proud of myself and happy that my body is still getting in better shape even though i hadn't done this workout in days. :) now i can chillax for the rest of the day.

i bought a resistance ball at target. i'm gonna blow it up and try it out tomorrow.

Back on birth control

So after almost a year (got off birth control in sept '08) i'm back on as of today. Its gonna regulate my period which i desperately need. but i find i'm having some funky side effects.

usually if i take a nap i'm ok. as long as i eat something before i sleep. because when i power down (sleep) my body doesn't need food every hour. and when i wake up the hunger isn't killing me. the hunger comes back once i start to eat again. but this time when i was sleeping i started getting a bad headache and stomach pains. :( then the thought of sauteed onions (which i made a whole mess of last night) made me wanna puke. those slimy, stringy, yuck!!! then i wake up and i'm struggling to make a shake fast to eaze the monster in my stomach and i open the fridge and this overpowering smell of cut onion comes shooting out. omg....i almost threw up right there. barf!!!!

whatever i made my shake. drank it all the way down and the hunger is still there. i guess it takes a bit to register in my stomach.

my nipples are sensitive but thats to be expected. i can deal with that. i was not expecting the nausea though. and i'm not preggers. i took a preggo test on sat before i start birth control just to make sure. i don't want to harm the baby. if i was preggo i would have stopped this diet immediately. but i'm not. and its normal to have these side effects when start birth control because its messing with my hormones. but ugh. i'm gagging still. i hope it goes away soon.

its a diff birth control than before. that also might have something to do with it.

The reason grown men can't take care of themselves

We were visiting my mother in law today. she had invited us over for lunch. she made this spread of all sorts of hispanic goodies like pork and rice and beans and cuban bread. and i of course had my HMR entree and a banana. when were were getting ready to leave she offered to pack up all the food for him to take home. i quickly said "take it, i'm not cooking for you anymore." lol. which is something we discussed at length before i started HMR. he assured me he would be fine. so when my mother in law hears this she says "why not?" to which we both reply, because i'm eating the diet food. and she said "so? what does that have to do with anything?" then she looks at him and says "you cook?" and i said, he can cook his own food, he's a grown man. this was a shock to her.

i should add that back when we had our first place together in boston she said "are you gonna cook and iron and do laundry for him??" wow. WOW. my husband is a great guy, but he's been spoiled. he defended me though. saying he was fine and he could make his own meals. he's a good boy. last night he made ground pork and rice by himself with a little guidance from me. :) he's been so supportive, in anything i do. he's a great man. but man, his mom blows me away sometimes. she gets on me for not "earning my keep" (having a job) and for not ironing his clothes and now cooking for him. believe me lady, if those were the only reasons your son was with me he wouldn't have been with me for 10yrs.

ladies, the best thing you can do for you son is teach him to take care of himself, but most importantly, teach him to cook!! he's more likely to land a good girl that way. ;)

its all about the numbas

this sucks dude. every day i look in the mirror looking for change. like hello dumbass change doesn't happen over night!!! i doubt i will see the numbers i want on the scale. see this is why i hate weighing myself. it starts off this obsession with numbers. anyway...i'm thinking that if i don't start seeing the numbers i want in the first 3 weeks (3-5lbs a week) then i'm gonna go back to what i was doing before. here's why: i was doing just fine on my own. i was losing 2lbs a week which is a normal and healthy weightloss. but i started HMR because i needed to do something drastic. and at these prices, lol, i need to see results. because let me tell you i was having more fun doing it the natural way! lol. and its a lot more affordable! and this is a big stretch on our budget.

either way i will lose the weight. its just a difference between doing it quickly or doing it very slowly.
my first weigh in is tuesday. so we'll see.

I just want to make something clear

I don't hate myself. I don't hate my body. I believe women are beautiful at any size. You don't have to wait till your at a certain size to buy a new sexy bathing suit. love yourself at any size. thats what i say.

i don't look at myself in disgust. not at all. i know a lot of women who do that. in fact when i look in the mirror i think i look cute. cuter than i look to others. so i'm way off in the other direction. lol. i'm not doing this for looks, though thats a huge plus, i'm doing it for health reasons. and for my baby. but honestly the only reason i think it finally clicked in my head is because i discovered it was PCOS working against me and that it wasn't my fault. otherwise i don't know if i could be this committed. everyone has their a-ha moment. and that was mine. i just feel like my poor body has been carrying around all this extra weight for so long. it needs a break. i'm only 29. i need a chance to be young and carefree. i wasted my 20s being out of shape. i look forward to having a new life. :) i really hope to keep this momentum. especially with maintenance.

Day 5

Ok so here's the deal. I did pretty well the first couple of days. But the last couple of days I've been hungry all the time. I have to eat every hour. Whatever I eat is so tiny so it only lasts in my stomach for an hour. sometimes a lot less. so i have to say its pretty damn annoying! lol. i can't enjoy things or do something that takes hours (like going somewhere) because i constantly have to prepare something for myself to eat. grrr.

also i'm gassy. TMI ALERT: i'm burping and farting all the time. its just a lot of air. also when i pee it has an odor. its like when i used to take Triple Lecitin tablets from GNC, which helped me lose weight. not sure what was in it. maybe its all the protein in my diet. not your usual pee smell (which is usually no smell at all).

it feels like my body is going through withdrawal. i feel like i just have to get over this hurdle and wait for my body to get used to this very limited diet and then i'll be ok. but i'm telling you, its getting hard. i'm not worried about giving up or cheating, i know i won't do that. i'm very committed. but that doesn't stop me from complaining! lol. its what i do best people! it helps me deal with situations i can't do anything about.

anyway i'm hoping i can get over this bump and my body will adjust!! fingers crossed!! let's see how long it takes.

Its August! Finally!

Shit I thought July would last forever. SO much shit went down in July. I feel like I've been on that page of my planner forever. Every day on this diet goes by so slow. I don't have food to look forward to anymore. So i HAVE to find other things to make me happy. and i'm not gonna see result every day. i gotta wait till big chunks of time pass and in the meantime i have to keep my brain busy.

did you see how many posts i had in july? sheesh! onward to august!