some freelance work

I got some freelance work today! :) tricia is telling her friends that i make custom shirts and i'm getting business from them! :) its pretty awesome. a little annoying at all the "can you change this" and "thats nice but can she make it this way" the usual client annoyingness that comes with any client based service. but its ok. i upped my mark up to $5 a shirt so i'm happy :)

also i've been hitting the gym at like 6am the passed 2 days. feeling good. i was out of shape with the weights. i miss feeling strong. i'm getting there.

also i upped the dosage of my metformin to 4 pills a day. so far no real side effects. i'm annoyed that i haven't lost any weight in weeks and i've actually gained a pound. that better change or i'm gonna get pissed.

metoformin 3 weeks, not pleased

its been 3 weeks since i started the metformin and i haven't lost any weight!! i've been eating the same, if not better, i don't have the gassy bloating anymore, i haven't worked out this week but still...i should still have lost something. a lb! something! i thought ok i'm losing weight on my own, now add metformin and it will be even better. i thought hey i wanna lose 2 more lbs so i can say i lost 20lbs. but its been 3 weeks and not only have i not lost weight i've gained a lb. ugh!!!


i feel a little smaller but my measurements show i gained an inch, AND the scale says i gained a lb. so what gives? i mean what the fuck. it doesn't make any sense!!! grrr!!! i mean fuck, 2 lbs in 3 weeks isn't a lot to ask. this is really frustrating me.


is this medication helping me at all???

job search

i honestly assumed after i finished school i'd be guaranteed a job. but not only am i competing with other (better) people, because of the economy no one is hiring.

and doing the freelance shit is not getting me anywhere because like i said...there are about 20 other "companies" out there that consist of one person and the people in miami don't wanna pay for video services.

plus all my family and friends are trying to get freebies from me. i gotta nip that in the bud.

anyway i've applied to about 5 or 6 places. i've gotten one reply. a generic email saying they're reviewing resumes and they'll keep mine on file. but its a cool company and i certainly appreciate getting any response. i def have respect for ppl who respond. since most of the time they don't.

all i can do is just keep applying. but in the mean time i have my website and my business cards. and i'm doing my tshirts. i've sold 2 tshirts! lol. i made $4. lol. anyway...

i really need to have a job by xmas. i'm optimistic because its early still. but i just really need a job by xmas. i want to buy a house next year. we need the money.

The fruits of my labor....my music video

here it is....world premiere. i'm very proud of it.

i was just thinking...

i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning and my tummy looked flatter. i started to think...i'm really doing it this time. this is gonna be the real thing. i'm gonna reach the finish line. and then i thought....i'm just as curious as everyone else what i'd look like at a normal weight. i've don't remember not being fat. so i honestly don't know what i'd look like or what it would feel like to not be fat. i'm curious. its gonna be surreal to say the least. its exciting. :)

Jeans jeans good for your heart

Today I put on a pair of old jeans. Why is this important? Well I'll tell you why.

I haven't worn pants that weren't elastic at the waist in over a year. I was sick of my zipper coming down on all my pants. And you know...the biggest size pants at lane bryant weren't fitting anymore. so i had to get these elastic pants. i love them. they're super comfy and i never have to worry about my zipper being down. and they look like cargo pants. well they're starting to be too loose on me.

Today I had the family (ed's family) here and I thought, I wanna wear something different. So I looked in the closet and saw and old pair of jeans i haven't been able to fit into in a while. I put them on. And not only did they fit, they fit with room to spare!!! is that amazing or what?? I'm doing so good. looking forward to wearing more old clothes in the months to come :)

getting shit done

i've been pretty productive this week, career wise. I made a mini demo reel and applied to an editing job on CL. didn't hear back, and i'm sure i won't but thats ok. getting my website looking sharp. ordered new and improved business cards. and i'm editing my screening vid now. its looking great! i'm also learning more about dvd studio pro so i can hopefully make a menu. a very basic one but still.

little by little i'm getting my shit together. :) starting to look profesh.

Kind of bumbed right now

its been a week since i started the metformin and i expected to be down in weight a little. because i've been eating well, and less than before, been working out, drinking eggplant water AND taking this medication that is supposedly supposed to help me lose weight.

i was aiming for 2 lbs so i could have an even 20lb weight loss. but to my dismay i got on the scale and i was not lighter. in fact i was 1/2 lb heavier!! :( whats up with that? i'm not going nuts because i know its NOT me because i've been doing really well. i'm gonna chalk it up to the met side effects. all the gastrointestinal stuff. the bloating, etc. i'm hoping that in a few weeks....or maybe a month i'll actually see a decent drop in lbs.

The job hunt begins

So I just applied to an editing job on CL. I probably won't get it but it forced me to work on my demo reel and update my resume.

so i was updating my resume and it just felt so awesome to not have to put all the administrative stuff i've done. only the creative stuff. its so fulfilling to be able to only go for those jobs i want! i made it happen. i changed my life and now i get to do what i love!! how amazing! and though i don't have a job yet i already accomplished a lot by getting to where i am now.

let my story be an example to everyone. if you're not happy, and you'd rather be doing something else, get off your ass and make it happen!!!

revelation about my mother

i already knew that my mother can hurt me deeper than anyone. and that almost everything i do in life is to please her. because praise from her is like praise from zeus. and she never just gives praise without a side of judgment. thats all known stuff.

but i was thinking while i was laying in bed....she totally controls me. she always find a way to control me. she's totally passive aggressive with her guilt and i always end up doing what she says. because i'm not cold hearted like my sister who would say no and not give it a second thought. she, and my sister does this as well, preys on me because she knows i usually can't say no. don't get me wrong i say no a lot to invitations to events i don't wanna go to. and she lets that slide. but for stuff like doing something for them, taking someone somewhere, or visiting someone, then she knows she can make me do it with her passive aggressive guilt. i don't think she does it on purpose, or even realizes she's doing it. its just something she does. and i'm sick of it. i'm sick of her controlling me. i have to learn to say no to her. and then maybe i can say no to others. she asks way more of me than i ask of her.

also you know what i find incredibly annoying? when i go to a party at their house and i'm surrounded by people i don't know or care about and therefore don't say hi to, and she tells me in front of everyone "did you say hi to so and so? or meli say hi to so and so". ugh!! it pisses me off!! i'm not a fucking child. and you're treating me like one in front of people. i don't know these people. if i wanted to say hi, i would have. i don't feel the need to say hi to everyone at every party or i'd spend the first 20 min shaking hands. geez. i'll say hi to them if i feel like it. next time she treats me like that again i'll just turn to said person and yell "HEEELLLLLOOO. HOW ARE YOU? GOOOD??" and just mortify my mother. maybe that will teach her to leave me alone.

Test results are in

My doctor called today finally with the results of my glucose test. And it was all good!

i DO NOT have DIABETES!!!! YAYAYAYAYYAYAY!!!

In fact he said my glucose levels were not in the danger zone. They were in the normal range, which I didn't expect. But its possible that cutting my carbs, eating better, and losing weight helped lower my glucose levels. Either way i'm ecstatic to hear it!! :)

He also said my cholesterol levels were great. so yay!

i also asked, and thank god i did, about the vitamin d. i remember him saying 50,000 mg but he said i could get it from the drug store. and when i went to walgreens i only saw vitamin d 1000 or 5000, so i got 5000. but it turns out the paper he gave me was an actual prescription. so i have to go back to walgreens and get it filled. good thing i asked huh?

anyway there you have it! YAY!!!! even more hopeful now!

met update and future goals

So I had a bit of side effects after upping my dose. Bloating. Major bloating. Big gas bubbles in my tummy that wouldn't come out. All i wanted to do was pass gas and get relief but it wasn't happening. Uncomfortable yes. Unbearable no. Then Saturday night a couple hours after dinner and my 2nd pill of the day I got some dreaded diarrhea. But that was to be expected. I can at least say that i felt major relief afterwards. I wake up feeling a lot less bloated. but there's still a little bloat. i plan to give my body a week or so to get used to the dosage. might even wait till after this coming weekend to up the dose again because i have family staying with us in our one bedroom one bath apt. 7 people sharing one bathroom? yeah..its not the time where you wanna have diarrhea.

Its weird to feel bloated on the inside but skinnier on the outside. i feel my tummy and it feels smaller. even though it doesn't look smaller. i guess the shape is changing. also i notice i'm not as hungry anymore. i don't eat as much. i don't get hungry as much as before since starting metformin. so i'm hoping with that, the fact that i've been working out, and the eggplant water, i'm hoping i'll be seeing some results this week. i normally would not weigh myself every week. more like every month. but i want to see if the eggplant water (and now the pills) are making a difference. things are looking good. i'm hoping that by halloween i can fit better into some old clothes and that my weightloss will be noticeable. i've lost 18lbs so far on my own so now with medication i'm hoping i can lose 30lbs total by halloween. thats my goal and i think its reachable. i'm doing amazingly so far and having no trouble so i'm very confident i can achieve my goal :)

my goal for xmas is to be down 50lbs. that would be amazing! then you'll really see a change in my appearance. and i'll be well on my way to my goal of 80lbs. I say i won't let myself get pregnant till i lose 80lbs. but thats not my ultimate goal for weight loss. thats just the minimum. i would love to be down 100lbs by my 30th bday next june. if i continue the way i have been there's plenty of time for me to get down the weight by then. but for me its the little goals. goal for end of oct, goal for xmas.

there's gonna be a point where i plateu and i'm scared of that but i guess i'll cross that bridge when i get to it.

Upping my dose

today i took one metformin with breakfast along with my usual dinnertime dose.

so far no side effects. some more of the cramping and bloating.

i find myself getting really sleepy in the afternoons. i don't know if its the met or working out in the mornings. maybe both? but burning that energy really gives me good sleep. i've been sleeping through the night too.

we'll see what happens when i take my 2nd pill today.

one thing i've noticed is that i'm not hungry as much as before and i get full on less food. which is nice. i feel my tummy thinner and emptier without feeling the hunger pains.

random rant

i've always been the black sheep. can you believe that? ME??? well yes. apparently.

always been misunderstood by my family. none of them really know me. i'm talking immediate family here. they know how i was as a kid. and possibly my quirks. but they don't KNOW me on the inside.

sometimes i feel like its them three and i'm the red headed stepchild that never fit in. i'm not a party person like them. i was always a bit different. we're so dysfunctional.

News Radio Bloopers to make you pee your pants

mother issues

all i hear from my mom is her nagging me about one thing or another. even when i give her good news, if i'm doing well, she can't just say "thats great! good job!", she always finds SOMETHING i could be doing better. its so annoying. why does she do that?? she always has to shit on something. she doesn't even know she's doing it. she's just trying to "help me" but she's not.

the thing that really upsets me is that she bends over backwards to take all the abuse from my sister. my sister is a total bitch who's always nasty. my mom always takes it. why? because she's probably trying to keep the peace. keep my sister from exploding. but with me, no, with me she gets all defensive. why? maybe because i don't blow up. i just run away and cry. its so unfair. my sister is an emotional bully and my mom is right behind her.

no my sister can do no wrong. because, its not her fault, thats just the way she is. but it seems like i can never do anything right. and she's so fucking passive aggressive. its so immature. shouldn't the mother be the mature one?

*edit*

so i thought about it. i think she may be the reason i don't know how to deal with people or things when it gets bad. i either walk away, and when i can't do that, i completely close off. she's that same way. and both of us dealing with each other is the worst of the worst. my dad, for all his meltowns, he usually listens with a gentleness. he's not always on guard like she is.

right after this happened with my mom i felt like i wanted to cut her off and move away. super dramatic. but i'm fucked up hormonally and i react to things very deeply. now that time has passed i just don't feel like talking to her for a while.

i think i figured out what bothers me the most. she judges me constantly. when i told her about my concerns for marlena she immediately jumped to marlena's defense and made me feel like i was the enemy. instead of being impartial. she could have been like, well she usually eats healthy, but i understand why you would be concerned. but no it was more like, SHE eats healthy, it was only that one time. and the reason i didn't know you had pcos is YOUR fault.

whatever. i have too many fucking issues with her. too many fucking issues. i can only hope i have, with the help of ed, a better relationship with my kids. i'm a lot more vocal than she is so i'm hoping that works in my favor.

losing my boobs

i'm losing weight but you can't really tell because instead of my tummy getting smaller and my boobs sticking out more, everything is getting smaller at the same time. my boobs are totally deflating! how depressing!! i've made peace with it though. if thats what it takes to get to where i need to be, so be it. i'm not happy about it though. but i figure hey when i get pregnant i'll get huge boobs for 9 months. lol. thats what i keep telling ed.

i wonder if lifting weights for my pecs will help me grow my boobs or make it worse. after all, if i build muscle on my chest i'll be burning fat. and boobs are just fat after all. i wonder if doing this is helping or hurting. does anybody know?

good workout this morning

i ate some crackers and cheese before my workout this morning. i read that eating carbs before a workout is the best thing to do because it gives you the energy to burn. otherwise you're just burning muscle, not fat. so i paired the carbs with some protein (cheese) and i don't know if it was that or if i was just well rested but i had a great workout. so much energy. at one point i got tingles up and down my body. endorphins maybe? i dunno.


and today i had no side effects at all! how cool! :)

meli got her groove back

remember how amazingly motivated i was when i first found out about PCOS? it was my a-ha moment. then i went on HMR and it completely sabotaged my whole thing. my motivation was shot. i tried to get it back. i went almost a month without working out and a couple weeks without dieting much. it was slow going for me to get back on track. but i did recently. still having motivation problems with working out though.


but when i came home yesterday i felt that hope again that i haven't felt since i first found out about pcos. i guess i had pinned all my hopes on HMR and when that didn't work it messed me up. but after the doctor prescribed this medication and its a fact that it will work to reduce alot of the problems i have i'm hopeful again. i'm hopeful and happy and motivated. i find myself not being tempted by the bad foods anymore! i'm so proud! and as for the workouts, i just have to make sure i get up and do it in the mornings. and i'm sure after some time it will become routine and i'll start to feel the benefits of it and be more motivated to work out.

but i have to tell you guys....so far my mood has much improved. yesterday i was in such a lovely mood. :) and today too.

just wanted to share. :)

talkin' bout side effects

so i took my first metformin last night as you know. and for some reason (this probably has to do with the fact that i waited 16 hours to eat yesterday) i had hunger pangs even after i ate dinner. i had a TLC pumpkin flax bar and that helped. But i didn't feel any side effects.

I went to bed around 1am. i slept pretty ok. not great, but not bad. i woke up at 7. i could have slept longer but i made myself get out of bed because i know if i don't work out early i'll never work out. plus i like to get in there before 8am because at 8 the sun beats in and it gets so hot in the gym.

i woke up feeling empty. as in my stomach was empty. i was in a good mood though. i think i dreamt about healthy things so i woke up feeling good. i went to the bathroom. i usually have to go to the bathroom 2 or 3 times in the morning so i didn't notice anything diff. so i went up and walked around the pool. it was nice and cool and i had my mp3 player. but after 5 min i felt an urgency to go to the bathroom so i went. one thing i noticed was that while i was going i kept getting cramps and feeling like i needed to go more. i felt like i would never get out of the bathroom. but still nothing bad. then i got on the elliptical for 30 min. at the 18 min mark i felt like i had to go to the bathroom but i didn't wanna stop because i was afraid i wouldn't wanna get back on the machine afterwards. so i kept walking but was careful not to push myself because i knew i'd have to run to the bathroom. i ended up finishing the 30 min and i didn't have to go.

i came back to the apt and ed was in the bathroom so i started doing dishes and cleaning the kitchen. i was nervous i would have to storm in there but i was ok. i felt the hunger pangs and i knew i had to eat something but let me tell you, i REALLY did NOT feel like eating anything. i had NO desire. but i knew i had to eat. so i made some cracklin oat bran with strawberries an walnuts. it was good. i especially enjoyed the strawberries. they were like...little nuggets of deliciousness and refreshingness.

now its 10:30 my tummy still feels sensitive. i know i will have to go soon. i should probably go now before the view.

so far my symptoms are:

nausea- but not the typical dizziness that you get from reading while in a moving car. but more like just a feeling at the base of my esophagus that feels like it could come up at any minute.

sensitive stomach

increased urgency to have a bowel movement

luckily for me none of it is bad. its all mild. whew!

Metformin

I started Metformin today. I took a pill with dinner, that was around 10pm. Its now 1am and I didn't really feel any side effects. So thats a great sign. I mean they're extended release tablets so it might still be too early to tell. But so far so good. I'm going to bed now. Wonder if I'll get any of the side effects in the middle of the night and have to wake up to use the bathroom.

as i was writing this i started to get a little lightheaded. not one of the side effects but its something i noticed. don't know if its related.

My 2nd endocrinologist apt - glucose test

So I had to go in fasting for this test. So from 9pm last night to 9am this morning. Thing is, I woke up around 4am, I couldn't sleep! I had taken a nap so I couldn't sleep.

So I got up. I was nervous. Typical anxiety I get before something big. The hunger pains started getting to me around 7am. I have to say though, it was never THAT bad. I've had them really bad before.

So we get to the apt about 30 min early. I brought the hubby this time. We settle in with our laptops. They called me in right at 9am, i was shocked! The lady who took my blood was not the same lady as before. She was very sweet and quiet and kind. I told her I was squeamish with needles and she understood. She was very gentle with me. And to my pleasant surprise she took the blood from my hand an not my arm. Which was easier for me.

Then after she took my blood she gave me this really sugary orange drink. It was like sunkist but just the syrup without the carbonated water mixed in. at first it was yummy. then about 3 sips in i was like ughhhhh. then after i drank it she told me to wait 2 hours and she would call me back. that stuff made me feel like barf bc it was just too sugary. But i sat there with my laptop and watch adventures in babysitting on dvd. it was great. the time passed pretty easily.

Then right before 11 she called me back in. She took my blood again. Same hand. And surprisingly i have no sorenesss. i was sooo sore after that last lady. also the doc was a lot nicer this time. i've concluded that its better to go earlier in the day. by the end of the day they're all in a shitty mood. so i'll make a note of that for future apts.

then the doc talked to me about my previous blood tests. he said my blood pressure was ok. my cholesterol was ok. my testosterone was high. and that this glucose test would be able to tell him whether i'm diabetic or just pre diabetic. he went ahead and prescribed me the metformin. he also gave me a sample bottle so i can start taking them today. i have to start on one pill a day and gradually move up to 4 pills a day. but i have to take it really slow because the side effects can be bad and some people can't handle them. he also told me to take 3 vitamin D pills a week.

now a little about metformin for you guys who never heard of it.

its a medication to help with the insulin resistance. which is causing most of my problems. it should also lower my testosterone levels which will help with the facial hair, the acne and my periods should start to regulate themselves in a few months. also it should help me lose weight and help with my moodswings.

so basically this pill should help regulate my pcos. but i do hear the side effects can be intense. they include: nausea, bloating, flatulence, diarrhea, and frequent bowel movements. i'm kind of used to some of these from using xenical but we'll see. hopefully its not too bad.

but i feel very hopeful. :)

OMGEEEE!!!

I just weighed myself. I guess that eggplant water is working because its only been a week since i started it and i'm down 3.5lbs! here's the kicker i was bad and didn't exercise at all this past week. but i did eat healthy. can you believe it? i'm down 1.5 pounds more than when i did a week of HMR and working out.

I don't know if its water weight or what but i have also lost 1/2 an inch on my waist since last week as well. i will def keep up with the eggplant water. go me!! its nice to know that despite frequent feelings of depression and hopelessness i keep losing weight. little by little.

Where did Ivonne go?

I thought when one of my friends got pregnant I could live vicariously through them. Because isn't that a perk of one of your best friends getting pregnant?

But Ivonne has disappeared from the face of the earth. I guess every pregnancy is different. i guess some people go into their shell. Maybe she's too tired to get online these days. Too nauseous. Or maybe she's having issues of her own that far outweigh sharing your pregnancy with friends.

It makes me kind of sad. Kind of closed off from her life. But I have to respect it because who knows what its like for her. How would I know? I'm not pregnant.

I just hope she is healthy and that everything goes well. And that I get to see her before the baby is born.

You realize I'm being completely selfish right? lol. Yes i know.

sigh

feeling undesired

if you added up the series of events of the last 2 weeks you would say "he's just not that into you".

Started the eggplant water

It doesn't have a taste. but its a little weird because distilled water tastes diff than regular water because it doesn't have the usual stuff in it that they put into our water. so thats kind of weird. but its not the eggplant. the eggplant just gives it a grape like aftertaste. like if you have sliced grape halves floating in there.

i haven't noticed anything really except....well last night i took 1 oz (2 tablespoons) before bed and then i was lying in bed wide awake for hours. i don't know if it had anything to do with the eggplant water or the fact that i got overstimulated right before bed by telling ed a funny story. so who knows. i just took another oz right now hoping that maybe it will give me another boost of energy because i feel so lazy right now.

i don't know if anything is happening but i really hope it does something! i'll keep you posted.

Still losing weight :)

I was worried that after that whole HMR debacle (and those 2 weeks following where I was going out to eat everyday and not working out) that I would gain some of the weight back. I decided not to weigh myself till after my doctor's apt. Maybe that will be my new thing, weigh myself every month.


Anyway I did weigh myself and not only did I not gain any weight (yayayayayay!!) I lost a pound!! yay!!! and i can really see it in my body, especially my back, that i've lost weight.

Today I get to drink the eggplant water, so we'll see what happens. Anyway the point is I'm really proud of myself! And this really helps my motivation! Even though I hit a rough patch, I'm still on my path! yay! :) go me!

My first endocrinologist apt.

An overall unpleasant experience.

First of all my apt is for 3pm. I get there at 2:45 to fill out any paperwork since I'm a new patient. Well i ring the doorbell and no one comes to the slide doors. so i sit. then about 15 min go by, they call the other woman in the room. so i ring the bell again. then after a few min someone finally comes out to help me. i do all the paperwork and then i wait. someone else comes in after me and gets called in before me. its 3:38 and i finally get called in. she weighs me and then sends me to the doctor's office. not an exam room, his actual office, which is cool because that way its less pressure on me. so i'm sitting there and its 3:45 and he finally comes in just to shake my hand and say he'll be back. then i wait another LONG 10 min.

This is really unprofessional in my book. I mean waiting an hour for your apt? Then when he finally comes in the room he doesn't even apologize for making me wait. Already that shows me how much he cares about his patients. Then he starts asking me about my medical history and about how often i got my period when i was 15. Um..i'm 29yrs old, i can't even remember shit that happened a few months ago. He asked me things and i felt put on the spot and couldn't think of the answers. Only because I was nervous, i did actually know the answers. but i looked like a moron.

The good thing is he seemed really knowledgeable about pcos and even recommended a book for me to read. But here's what I didn't like. Instead of commending me on losing 13+ lbs in 2 months, or the fact that since I found out I had PCOS i've totally changed my life and i've been eating healthier and working out, instead of that he tries to scare me. I don't respond well to scare tactics. Instead of being positive and saying, don't worry i can help you with this, its not the end of the world. he says things about gastric bypass, and i should be 100lbs lighter and that i should cut out ALL carbs and its gonna be hard. and just one negative thing after another. i don't know about you guys, but thats NOT the way to get me to do something. it has the opposite effect, i feel boxed into a corner and i rebel. i mean what he was asking me wasn't so far fetched, seeing as how i hardly eat any carbs at all. so cutting them out won't be too difficult. but the reason i've been able to do so well on my own is because i knew i had options. once you take those options away from me i feel deprived and it ruins all my progress and motivation. thats the problem with these strict diets. they don't work! and i'm sorry but there's nothing wrong with eating small portions of good carbs. just more scare tactics.

Plus he doesn't know my diet. I'm so sick of being judged. I'm so sick of people taking one look at me and thinking i eat tons of junk food. He has no idea!! I've NEVER been one to eat alot. I always get full quickly. and i've been eating VERY healthy for months now! but again, no positive. only negative feedback. doctors are assholes. its bad enough i have to deal with this genetic disorder that effects every aspect of my life (which includes depression), but every time i see a doctor i leave feeling worthless. The only positive thing he said was that my workout regiment was very good. But he did say I don't have to bother with lifting weights. I think thats bullshit. I really wish ed was there. i would have felt stronger. maybe not have been so weak. maybe he could have spoken for me when i couldn't. i hate going to doctors alone. i feel out numbered.

He also told me birth control isn't doing anything for my pcos. and it could actually make the insulin resistance worse. so he wants me to get off the pill as of now. And i have to come in next week and do some glucose test. which involves coming in fasting, taking blood, drinking sugar water, then taking my blood again 2 hours later. so you can only IMAGINE how much of my day i'm gonna waste at this place.

good news: he did say there was medication he could put me on that would help my insulin resistance and help me lose weight. but before he can decide what the best medication is he needs to see how my body works. so he wants me off the pill, i did some blood work today and i'll do the glucose test next week.

by the way, the lady who took my blood was in a bad mood and she was NOT gentle at all. she had a bad attitude, she wasn't nice, she stabbed me with that thing and then she pulled it out all hard and it hurt like a bitch!!! and she didn't even care. she acted like i was a grapefruit and not a person. let me tell you, that whole office could use a class in bedside manner.