Thursday, June 30, 2011
florida girls i need your help
for those of you who live in broward i need some info. i'm so ignorant with anywhere outside of dade county. what are safe places to live? what are some towns to avoid?
crystalized lemon powder
look what i found at the grocery store.
i was like huh whats this? lemon in powder form? sounds intriguing. so i bought it.
i was hesitant because i have sensitive teeth and i haven't been able to have lemon in my drinks for a long time bc the acid wears away at my enamel. but i tried these, only used half a pack (didn't need the whole pack), and they're great! wow! finally able to have lemon again! sweet!!
i was like huh whats this? lemon in powder form? sounds intriguing. so i bought it.
i was hesitant because i have sensitive teeth and i haven't been able to have lemon in my drinks for a long time bc the acid wears away at my enamel. but i tried these, only used half a pack (didn't need the whole pack), and they're great! wow! finally able to have lemon again! sweet!!
Friday, June 24, 2011
dr. apt
well that went exactly as i suspected. bla bla bla, don't eat any carbs, blah blah blah you should be losing 10lbs a month easily, blah blah blah you should be 130lbs. oh really? because you NEVER set a goal weight for me. never even asked me. the goal i set for myself was 140lb fuck you very much. oh and one more thing, you can eat my ass.
anyway, when she asked if i'm taking my multi i told her i switched to a prenatal and she said WHY? i told her i want to try to conceive starting in august. she's like, you're supposed to wait 2 years. i just looked at her with a face like, thats nice. her reason?? well despite what everyone around me thought, that it was somehow unsafe for me, that maybe my body couldn't handle it, or that i was being somewhat irresponsible, the real reason was she wanted me to lose all the weight before i get pregnant? why? because i'm gonna gain weight. DUH sherlock! so you see? there's no medical reason for me not to try for a kid. so there. in everyone's face. and by everyone i mean ppl who don't read this blog. these people don't care about me. if they did they wouldn't leave me waiting for an hour. all they care about is numbers, stats, big results so they can look good. and of course that sweet sweet return business that is plastics.
someone asked me the other day, what are these ppl doing for you? the answer is absolutely NOTHING. all they do is make me feel shitty and waste a huge chunk of my day. honestly, every visit is so completely meaningless. they weigh me, take my blood pressure, tell me i'm not skinny enough, ask me what i eat, lecture me for not being perfect, touch my stomach and then send me on my way. i really have no reason to go to them unless there's something wrong. i don't even feel like there's a reason to go back for my 1yr follow up. they don't even care about my vitamin levels because they haven't taken my bloodwork since surgery. well fuck them. fuck them right to hell. i don't need it.
everyone stresses how important it is to see a surgeon. honestly, unless something is wrong i really don't see the problem. my reg doc can take my blood and check my levels. i've just had it with them.
anyway, when she asked if i'm taking my multi i told her i switched to a prenatal and she said WHY? i told her i want to try to conceive starting in august. she's like, you're supposed to wait 2 years. i just looked at her with a face like, thats nice. her reason?? well despite what everyone around me thought, that it was somehow unsafe for me, that maybe my body couldn't handle it, or that i was being somewhat irresponsible, the real reason was she wanted me to lose all the weight before i get pregnant? why? because i'm gonna gain weight. DUH sherlock! so you see? there's no medical reason for me not to try for a kid. so there. in everyone's face. and by everyone i mean ppl who don't read this blog. these people don't care about me. if they did they wouldn't leave me waiting for an hour. all they care about is numbers, stats, big results so they can look good. and of course that sweet sweet return business that is plastics.
someone asked me the other day, what are these ppl doing for you? the answer is absolutely NOTHING. all they do is make me feel shitty and waste a huge chunk of my day. honestly, every visit is so completely meaningless. they weigh me, take my blood pressure, tell me i'm not skinny enough, ask me what i eat, lecture me for not being perfect, touch my stomach and then send me on my way. i really have no reason to go to them unless there's something wrong. i don't even feel like there's a reason to go back for my 1yr follow up. they don't even care about my vitamin levels because they haven't taken my bloodwork since surgery. well fuck them. fuck them right to hell. i don't need it.
everyone stresses how important it is to see a surgeon. honestly, unless something is wrong i really don't see the problem. my reg doc can take my blood and check my levels. i've just had it with them.
oh whaaaaat?
i did boxyflex twice this week. after monday i was so sore for 2 days i could hardly sit!!! i weighed in thursday morning bc i knew after my thursday workout i would gain more muscle. i weighed in at 170lbs. which is good. i was at 169lbs before the 2lb weight gain from kickboxing. so at least i lost a lb and i'm not just putting on more and more weight. then for shits and giggles i weighed in this morning.
168.5lbs!!!!! YES!!! i'm down 1/2 a lb from my last lowest weight!! yes!! thishas me sooo jazzed i'm thinking of going to the 10:30am powerflex class today. i know i should give my body a day to recover but how badass would it be if i went? i know i'm not gonna weigh this when i go to the surgeon today. because a. they scale is a bit diff than mine and they have a diff starting weight for me. b. i have to eat before then so its gonna throw my weight off anyway. so this workout won't ruin things for me. because i already know i was down to 168.5! woop woop! i am so sighing up for bally's.
*update* i did go to the 10:30 powerflex class! ha! badass.
168.5lbs!!!!! YES!!! i'm down 1/2 a lb from my last lowest weight!! yes!! thishas me sooo jazzed i'm thinking of going to the 10:30am powerflex class today. i know i should give my body a day to recover but how badass would it be if i went? i know i'm not gonna weigh this when i go to the surgeon today. because a. they scale is a bit diff than mine and they have a diff starting weight for me. b. i have to eat before then so its gonna throw my weight off anyway. so this workout won't ruin things for me. because i already know i was down to 168.5! woop woop! i am so sighing up for bally's.
*update* i did go to the 10:30 powerflex class! ha! badass.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
I WANT ICE CREAM!!!
is there any kind of ice cream we're allowed to eat. lol. what can i eat a cup of that i don't have to feel horrible about later? any suggestions? frozen yogurt? something low sugar? low fat?
Do you still drink protein shakes?
You know what i noticed? since i started working out i haven't wanted protein shakes. i drink one before a workout but i used to drink one every morning but now i'm like I WANT FOOD. i just want food now. i would rather eat than drink a protein shake.
i've heard some people say they stopped drinking protein shakes when they started eating food. i've heard some say they were years out and still drink a protein shake a day. i was just wondering where you guys stand on the whole protein shake thing.
i feel a bit guilty not drinking one every morning, and sometimes not at all, but i guess its not a bad thing to get my protein from food instead.
i've heard some people say they stopped drinking protein shakes when they started eating food. i've heard some say they were years out and still drink a protein shake a day. i was just wondering where you guys stand on the whole protein shake thing.
i feel a bit guilty not drinking one every morning, and sometimes not at all, but i guess its not a bad thing to get my protein from food instead.
i'm STILL sore!!!
its been 2 days and its still hard to walk. sitting down to pee is painful! even laying bed, moving around hurts! can you believe it? such an easy work out and i've never been this sore in my life!!!
naturally i'm looking fwd to going back.
i was thinking of taking a cardio class tonight. but i got my period today and i'm super sore so i don't know if thats gonna happen.
speaking of which, i have my period, i'm gonna do this workout again thursday night. i weigh in friday morning. its not gonna be good. between the water retention and the muscles. foggedaboudit. i hope i just keep losing and gaining the same 2 lbs and not just gaining and gaining. bc that would be horrible!
we'll see.
naturally i'm looking fwd to going back.
i was thinking of taking a cardio class tonight. but i got my period today and i'm super sore so i don't know if thats gonna happen.
speaking of which, i have my period, i'm gonna do this workout again thursday night. i weigh in friday morning. its not gonna be good. between the water retention and the muscles. foggedaboudit. i hope i just keep losing and gaining the same 2 lbs and not just gaining and gaining. bc that would be horrible!
we'll see.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
PowerFLex
Yesterday i went to Bally's for my 7 day free trial. The people who work there are sleazy salesmen (the lowest form of life), and the gym is like 3 stories and super packed. It was a rat race. And a maze. And no one was friendly. It was every man for himself.
Then I took my class. Powerflex. Its just like Stephanie's BodyPump class only it has a diff name. But you still use a barbell to do resistance exercises. I have to say, i FINALLY found a workout class that was my speed. This was exactly what i've been looking for. NO CARDIO!! in fact it was pretty easy. i felt a little guilty. but the truth is, even though its not high impact, resistance works. my legs were so shaky by the end that it was a struggle to get down the stairs. at the end of class we all clapped and i smiled. i loved it!
but then i had to go back out to the wolves. and they pulled me into a back office and pressured me to get a membership after only taking 1 class on day 1 of my 7 day free trial. they told me there was some special that ends wed. and were pressuring me to take advantage. i HATE HATE HATE being pressured. i held my own though. wouldn't let them get to me. fuck that. i'm getting my free 7 days motherfucker.
i had wanted to try zumba but it turns out not only do you have to pay extra (on top of membership fees) for the zumba classes, they're not available to non members. so i can't take it.
this morning i'm sore all over. and i'm sure with a class like this i'm gonna gain muscle which will lead to higher numbers on the scale. but thats ok.
i'm really torn though.
Pros:
-i really like powerflex.
-the gym is right across the street from me
-they have a different classes so i won't get bored
- i would be working on regularly
-i guess it costs the same as kickboxing
-more fun than kickboxing
-the teacher is nice and the students seem nice
Cons:
- you have to pay more for zumba
- not enough evening classes
-the variety of classes isn't great
- that place makes me feel dirty
- the people in the gym part and the staff are HUGE dbags
-i don't want to give into the beast
- i can't work out with ed, bc it would cost double for him to join too
-ed wouldn't take any of the classes, if he would his schedule wouldn't permit it
i'm so torn. am i making the right choice? should i sign up for it? i wish i could take that class and move it to another place outside of that gym. it really feels like a nasty place. its such a turn off. but i would be willing to suck it up to go to classes i enjoy. i dunno. i'll have to think about it.
Then I took my class. Powerflex. Its just like Stephanie's BodyPump class only it has a diff name. But you still use a barbell to do resistance exercises. I have to say, i FINALLY found a workout class that was my speed. This was exactly what i've been looking for. NO CARDIO!! in fact it was pretty easy. i felt a little guilty. but the truth is, even though its not high impact, resistance works. my legs were so shaky by the end that it was a struggle to get down the stairs. at the end of class we all clapped and i smiled. i loved it!
but then i had to go back out to the wolves. and they pulled me into a back office and pressured me to get a membership after only taking 1 class on day 1 of my 7 day free trial. they told me there was some special that ends wed. and were pressuring me to take advantage. i HATE HATE HATE being pressured. i held my own though. wouldn't let them get to me. fuck that. i'm getting my free 7 days motherfucker.
i had wanted to try zumba but it turns out not only do you have to pay extra (on top of membership fees) for the zumba classes, they're not available to non members. so i can't take it.
this morning i'm sore all over. and i'm sure with a class like this i'm gonna gain muscle which will lead to higher numbers on the scale. but thats ok.
i'm really torn though.
Pros:
-i really like powerflex.
-the gym is right across the street from me
-they have a different classes so i won't get bored
- i would be working on regularly
-i guess it costs the same as kickboxing
-more fun than kickboxing
-the teacher is nice and the students seem nice
Cons:
- you have to pay more for zumba
- not enough evening classes
-the variety of classes isn't great
- that place makes me feel dirty
- the people in the gym part and the staff are HUGE dbags
-i don't want to give into the beast
- i can't work out with ed, bc it would cost double for him to join too
-ed wouldn't take any of the classes, if he would his schedule wouldn't permit it
i'm so torn. am i making the right choice? should i sign up for it? i wish i could take that class and move it to another place outside of that gym. it really feels like a nasty place. its such a turn off. but i would be willing to suck it up to go to classes i enjoy. i dunno. i'll have to think about it.
Friday, June 17, 2011
i gained 2 lbs!!!
this isn't the first time i gained weight. its the 2nd. and i wasn't happy about it last time either.
i refuse to believe i caused this by eating marshmallows and rice this week. no no! i refuse! because i've had weekend cupcake binges and nothing happened.
no...it must be muscle mass. i'm throbbing after last nights kickboxing class. he worked us so hard. i've gone to 4 kickboxing classes. i'm not sore anymore. surprisingly. i expected to be so sore today. but now i just feel heavier. does that make sense? i feel like i'm wearing weighed down shoulder pads and weights on my legs. stronger. but heavier. i'm sure thats what it is. and if so, thats ok. but still, no one likes to see the scale go up.
especially since i have my surgeon apt next week. and they ALWAYS make me feel like shit. they never say anything encouraging or congratulate me on my accomplishments. its always like, you haven't lost enough, what are you doing wrong? are you eating carbs? i told you not to eat carbs. sigh..i'm sorry, i'm 10 months out, not eating carbs is just not realistic for me. i eat LOW carb, but every now and then i'll have some rice, some bread or a cupcake. but i'll never tell them about the cupcakes. are you kidding??
and on top of that i'm gonna tell them about wanting to start trying for a kid after my 1 year mark in august. to which i will no doubt receive a barrage of lectures. i really loathe going to my surgeon. they always make me feel like shit. i'm gonna have to man up and wear a mask and try not to let them get to me.
anyway...i'm sure its muscle mass.
i refuse to believe i caused this by eating marshmallows and rice this week. no no! i refuse! because i've had weekend cupcake binges and nothing happened.
no...it must be muscle mass. i'm throbbing after last nights kickboxing class. he worked us so hard. i've gone to 4 kickboxing classes. i'm not sore anymore. surprisingly. i expected to be so sore today. but now i just feel heavier. does that make sense? i feel like i'm wearing weighed down shoulder pads and weights on my legs. stronger. but heavier. i'm sure thats what it is. and if so, thats ok. but still, no one likes to see the scale go up.
especially since i have my surgeon apt next week. and they ALWAYS make me feel like shit. they never say anything encouraging or congratulate me on my accomplishments. its always like, you haven't lost enough, what are you doing wrong? are you eating carbs? i told you not to eat carbs. sigh..i'm sorry, i'm 10 months out, not eating carbs is just not realistic for me. i eat LOW carb, but every now and then i'll have some rice, some bread or a cupcake. but i'll never tell them about the cupcakes. are you kidding??
and on top of that i'm gonna tell them about wanting to start trying for a kid after my 1 year mark in august. to which i will no doubt receive a barrage of lectures. i really loathe going to my surgeon. they always make me feel like shit. i'm gonna have to man up and wear a mask and try not to let them get to me.
anyway...i'm sure its muscle mass.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
kickboxing day 2
super sore yesterday and today. this time we walked to class (20 min walk) did an hour of intense cardio then walked 20 min home.
i'm so weak right now.
had class with my hubby and best friend. that was cool.
i'm so weak right now.
had class with my hubby and best friend. that was cool.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Kickboxing recap
So kickboxing was intense! The cardio part sucked big donkey balls in butter. But the punching and kicking part was fun. I am sooo proud of myself for getting through an entire class without complaining or whining or making excuses. I just did what i could, what i couldn’t do i modified it. but i never just did nothing. I had a smile on the whole time and i’m just so fucking proud of myself!
the craziest part was that my husband had to stop pretty early on. he was down on the floor and could hardly breathe. he had to go to another room and lay down till he caught his breath. this was so surreal because i've never seen him like that. my husband is tall and average weight. maybe he has some extra lbs on him but he's a strong guy. it was my fault i told him to eat before class and he ended up eating right before. he ate 2 sliders that were left over from the night before and a pb & j. well eating that and then doing vigorous cardio right after is a recipe for disaster. he was embarrassed because the owner who was taking care of him thought that he wasn't used to exercise. and that he was out of shape or something. he wants to redeem himself thursday.
but i have to say, i felt like kind of a badass for going and going when he was down and out. i was like wow...am i more in shape than him? how crazy is that? i think the instructor was impressed with me too. it felt so good. i just decided i was gonna keep going till i really couldn't do something. but i pushed myself and i never hit a wall. it felt amazing :)
The worst was the sit ups because the floor is flat and hard and my butt bone is right up against it. its painful. i'm hurting there today. it feels bruised. next time i'll bring a towel and fold it and put it underneath me and hopefully that will help. i also hated the push up then stand up then down and push up and repeat a million times. lol. the thing i did like is that if you can't do it or if you have to take a break or slow down they don't tell you anything. which i appreciate. i don't want to be yelled at. so because of that i kept a great attitude the whole time. the kicking and punching was fun. kicking is harder than punching. i'm really good at punching. my arms and shoulders are strong. but i don't have that much range of motion in my legs.
today i'm not that sore. but my legs are sore all over. which is interesting. am i hooked? no. am i going back? hell yeah. we'll see how i feel after 3 classes. its NOT easy. its intense.
what i would really love to do is Body Pump or something similar. less up and down cardio and more weight based stuff. i really enjoy weights and resistance stuff. i hate cardio.
the craziest part was that my husband had to stop pretty early on. he was down on the floor and could hardly breathe. he had to go to another room and lay down till he caught his breath. this was so surreal because i've never seen him like that. my husband is tall and average weight. maybe he has some extra lbs on him but he's a strong guy. it was my fault i told him to eat before class and he ended up eating right before. he ate 2 sliders that were left over from the night before and a pb & j. well eating that and then doing vigorous cardio right after is a recipe for disaster. he was embarrassed because the owner who was taking care of him thought that he wasn't used to exercise. and that he was out of shape or something. he wants to redeem himself thursday.
but i have to say, i felt like kind of a badass for going and going when he was down and out. i was like wow...am i more in shape than him? how crazy is that? i think the instructor was impressed with me too. it felt so good. i just decided i was gonna keep going till i really couldn't do something. but i pushed myself and i never hit a wall. it felt amazing :)
The worst was the sit ups because the floor is flat and hard and my butt bone is right up against it. its painful. i'm hurting there today. it feels bruised. next time i'll bring a towel and fold it and put it underneath me and hopefully that will help. i also hated the push up then stand up then down and push up and repeat a million times. lol. the thing i did like is that if you can't do it or if you have to take a break or slow down they don't tell you anything. which i appreciate. i don't want to be yelled at. so because of that i kept a great attitude the whole time. the kicking and punching was fun. kicking is harder than punching. i'm really good at punching. my arms and shoulders are strong. but i don't have that much range of motion in my legs.
today i'm not that sore. but my legs are sore all over. which is interesting. am i hooked? no. am i going back? hell yeah. we'll see how i feel after 3 classes. its NOT easy. its intense.
what i would really love to do is Body Pump or something similar. less up and down cardio and more weight based stuff. i really enjoy weights and resistance stuff. i hate cardio.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Kickboxing!! ahh!!
I was so inspired by Stephanie M and her Body Pump class that i started looking for classes to take. Not wanting to join a gym (not ready for that kind of commitment) i found a place by me that offers 3 classes for $20. If you like the classes you can join for $99 for 3 months. So i signed up for today!! ahh! the best part? My husband is going with me! yay!! i'm so nervous but i'm so glad he'll be there with me. I've always wanted to try something like kickboxing but the old me would never had done it. I don't like to do things that are hard. But i'm gonna push myself! :) Part of my new years resolution, be more adventurous!
I already made tonight's dinner so that when we get home i just have to warm it up. Salmon, salad and green beans. :)
i'll post a blog entry afterwards and let you know how it went!
I already made tonight's dinner so that when we get home i just have to warm it up. Salmon, salad and green beans. :)
i'll post a blog entry afterwards and let you know how it went!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
it never ends
today at my bday bbq my friend's dad (friend of my parents) gave me some lecture about losing weight. he's overweight. and dieting, doing it "the hard way" he says. and he was totally looking down on me for having surgery. like what i did was the easy way out and he's doing it the old fashioned way. and insinuating that i would stretch out my stomach or gain it all back if i'm not careful. basically telling me things i already know. duh. he's getting on me because its my bday and i'm eating rice and cupcakes and whatever else. even though its in small amounts and i've eaten mostly protein shakes all week. *eye roll* people judge. they just love to judge. but thats ok. because i know its not about me. its about him. his struggles.
me? i'm happy. livin life. i don't feel the need to judge or lecture anyone! life isn't about being on a diet. diets don't work. gotta live life. realistically. everything in moderation.
me? i'm happy. livin life. i don't feel the need to judge or lecture anyone! life isn't about being on a diet. diets don't work. gotta live life. realistically. everything in moderation.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
my bday cake
hey guys!! if you wanna see my bday cake and any other things i bake check out the pics here
http://melibakes.tumblr.com/
it was my first time decorating a cake!!
http://melibakes.tumblr.com/
it was my first time decorating a cake!!
Friday, June 3, 2011
Just because everyone loves a before and after
here's me on my 30th bday
here's me this year on my 31st bday
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Bday girl
Thanks everyone for all the sweet comments. love you guys!!!
even though i was tucking back my batwings in this pic, i still think i looked hot tonight :)
even though i was tucking back my batwings in this pic, i still think i looked hot tonight :)
Happy Birthday to ME!!!
YES!!!! FINALLY!!!
i woke up this morning and weighed. still that same stubborn .5lb lingering on my victory. sigh. i thought alot last night about whether i'm being selfish wanting to try to get pregnant before i get to my goal weight. i just feel like i've waited soooo long and the weight loss has slowed so much that to wait till i get to a magic number is excruciating. i thought, am i a big fat failure if i don't get to goal first?
even if baby wasn't on the table. it would still take me months to lose the weight. i have 30lbs till my goal weight of 140lbs. is it doable? i think so. it just might take me till march of next year. and i'm ok with that. i mean i'm annoyed that my mom asks me everytime i see her how much weight i lost. she doesn't understand that the weight doesn't come off like it did before. these days i'm averaging about 2lbs a month. if that. so am i ok with it taking me that long to get to goal. if i didn't want a baby i would be fine. i'm very happy with how far i've come. i'm enjoying life and my new body, and i would just continue to enjoy it while i slowly got to goal. knowing that makes me more ok with my choice. i'm not giving up. its just a little detour. i don't want to wait for a magic number. i want to have a baby. and after the baby i'll go back to striving for goal. of course it will probably be even harder and take a lot longer. i might not ever get to that magic number. and i'm ok with that.
anyway i took a shower and shaved. and i don't know what happened between waking up in and getting in the shower but i got back on that scale and i was .5lbs smaller! I DID IT!!! I FINALLY HIT 90LBS!!!!!!! man i've been like 2lbs away for a month! ridiculous! i really wanted to have this milestone for my bday. i wanted to have this big number to tote around. its very impressive. of course it will take me MONTHS to lose the next 10 lbs. i would love to lose it by my surgerversary in august but thats a long shot. i'll be happy with 5 more lbs though.
anyway i'm super stoked to finally say i'm lost a whopping 90LBS!! woohoo! go meli!!
What a great start to my birthday :)
i woke up this morning and weighed. still that same stubborn .5lb lingering on my victory. sigh. i thought alot last night about whether i'm being selfish wanting to try to get pregnant before i get to my goal weight. i just feel like i've waited soooo long and the weight loss has slowed so much that to wait till i get to a magic number is excruciating. i thought, am i a big fat failure if i don't get to goal first?
even if baby wasn't on the table. it would still take me months to lose the weight. i have 30lbs till my goal weight of 140lbs. is it doable? i think so. it just might take me till march of next year. and i'm ok with that. i mean i'm annoyed that my mom asks me everytime i see her how much weight i lost. she doesn't understand that the weight doesn't come off like it did before. these days i'm averaging about 2lbs a month. if that. so am i ok with it taking me that long to get to goal. if i didn't want a baby i would be fine. i'm very happy with how far i've come. i'm enjoying life and my new body, and i would just continue to enjoy it while i slowly got to goal. knowing that makes me more ok with my choice. i'm not giving up. its just a little detour. i don't want to wait for a magic number. i want to have a baby. and after the baby i'll go back to striving for goal. of course it will probably be even harder and take a lot longer. i might not ever get to that magic number. and i'm ok with that.
anyway i took a shower and shaved. and i don't know what happened between waking up in and getting in the shower but i got back on that scale and i was .5lbs smaller! I DID IT!!! I FINALLY HIT 90LBS!!!!!!! man i've been like 2lbs away for a month! ridiculous! i really wanted to have this milestone for my bday. i wanted to have this big number to tote around. its very impressive. of course it will take me MONTHS to lose the next 10 lbs. i would love to lose it by my surgerversary in august but thats a long shot. i'll be happy with 5 more lbs though.
anyway i'm super stoked to finally say i'm lost a whopping 90LBS!! woohoo! go meli!!
What a great start to my birthday :)
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
tomorrow (june 2nd) is my bday
i'm gonna be 31. i'm gonna start a family soon. one thing i've realized is life is too short. i have no need to keep people in my life who contribute nothing to it. thats why i'm constantly deleting ppl off facebook. i'm very selective of who i let into my inner circle. nothing personal, but i'm not a fan of acquaintances. having them is one thing, but letting them into my every day life is another.
i also feel like if you share nothing about yourself, yet you see everything i share about myself, its really unfair. and if you never talk to me, never leave comments, never respond to my comments, i don't really need you around.
this is all in regards to facebook of course.
but now i'm thinking...sigh...maybe its time to end some real friendships. people get older, grow apart, and sometimes they're better off going their separate ways. i'm really just at a point where if you cause drama in my life i don't really need it. if everything we say pisses us off maybe we shouldn't be friends. maybe we're better off apart. you have your life and great new things happening, so do i. and what i've noticed is, we don't have much in common anymore. our lives don't really intersect. its no one's fault. people just grow apart and go in different directions. you have your work, your bf, your other friends. i'm married and starting a family. we're at diff stages in our life. you work hard, i don't work. you judge me. i know. and thats ok. lets just not beat a dead horse. i'm not saying lets never talk again, but its ok if we're the kind of friends who only see each other once a year. i feel like we're holding on to something that isn't there.
so thats that. you'll never read this. i kind of hope you won't. because i'm a chicken shit. and i don't really wanna deal with the wrath that would be your reaction. but honestly i'm sick of walking on egg shells.
i also feel like if you share nothing about yourself, yet you see everything i share about myself, its really unfair. and if you never talk to me, never leave comments, never respond to my comments, i don't really need you around.
this is all in regards to facebook of course.
but now i'm thinking...sigh...maybe its time to end some real friendships. people get older, grow apart, and sometimes they're better off going their separate ways. i'm really just at a point where if you cause drama in my life i don't really need it. if everything we say pisses us off maybe we shouldn't be friends. maybe we're better off apart. you have your life and great new things happening, so do i. and what i've noticed is, we don't have much in common anymore. our lives don't really intersect. its no one's fault. people just grow apart and go in different directions. you have your work, your bf, your other friends. i'm married and starting a family. we're at diff stages in our life. you work hard, i don't work. you judge me. i know. and thats ok. lets just not beat a dead horse. i'm not saying lets never talk again, but its ok if we're the kind of friends who only see each other once a year. i feel like we're holding on to something that isn't there.
so thats that. you'll never read this. i kind of hope you won't. because i'm a chicken shit. and i don't really wanna deal with the wrath that would be your reaction. but honestly i'm sick of walking on egg shells.
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