i've been drinking ALOT of tea lately. like 6 cups a day. and in each cup i would put some heavy cream, 2 splendas and half a pack of stevia. i started to realize i was consuming more splenda that i should be because i would put a huge stack of them in my sugar dish and before i knew it i had to refill it. yikes!!! and the cream. no sugar, but fat. hmm...so i said..let me look around.
so many delicious creamers out there. with all sorts of amazing looking flavors. but way high in sugar. i started using SILK non dairy creamer french vanilla. delicious. and i like the individual packets. they tasted just like real cream in my tea. but look...its got 5g of sugar in each shot. that means i'm having an extra 30g of sugar a day?!! YIKES!!! now i'm thinking, why did i feel the need to change from cream? i mean its natural. whats wrong with it? maybe i can switch to cream instead of heavy whipping cream or maybe switch to half and half.
shit no wonder i'm not losing any weight.
as far as the splendas, i don't feel good about using so much in a day. plus i just read that the packets contain a bulking agent called maltodextrin which contains carbs and is essentially like sugar. also too much splenda spikes your sweet sensors in your brain and makes you crave sweets. but i did read that liquid splenda (ez sweetz) was better because in liquid form it doesn't contain the carbs. so i'm gonna try that. if anything, to give me a piece of mind.
i'm not concerned about the stevia bc i don't consume that much of it. and its all natural.
thats all for now. we'll see how this works.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
some fun with befores and afters
i can't even believe it. i've gotten so used to seeing myself like this that i forget how far i've come.
Monday, September 12, 2011
what happens when you die?
with it being 9/11 i find myself thinking about the lives lost 10yrs ago. i know its morbid but i try to put myself in their place. i try to picture myself on the plane, or on the top floors of the towers. how it must have felt.
the scariest thing for me is thinking about what happens after we die, or whats outside of space. they both give me the same feeling. the overwhelming unknown scares the shit out of me. our life on earth is so short. what happens for the rest of eternity? and that, right there, is when i'm filled with dread and...something so indescribably upsetting that i can't even deal with it. i start to cry and i need a distraction (tv or talking to someone) to calm down. i can't think about those things.
and of course on days like today when thinking about all those painful horrible frightening deaths....most of these people knowing they were going to die. some chose to jump off the building as a less painful alternative. death scares me. it scares me so much. there has to be something, something to comfort me. comfort us about death. and i'm not really a religious person. i believe in God but i don't buy into any organized religion. i believe in being a good person and trying to help other. so i can't say that i take solace in prayer. so i went online to do some research.
i had heard about near death experiences, and how several people have similar stories. they all felt this feeling of warmth and love all over their bodies. and how some were given a choice whether they wanted to go back or not. and some didn't but it wasn't their time yet. maybe it seems far fetched but we all have to believe in something. reading these stories gives me a sense of peace. it helps me deal with me deep fear of death. to know that when this life is over, our spirits still live on. whether its in this ethereal other dimension with love and light or if we're reincarnated (past lives) as other people or living things, it all gives me peace that this isn't the end. we're not just tossed into a black abyss for eternity. i can't deal with that.
i heard someone who had a near death experience say on tv once, something like...this life on earth is only temporary, its a blink, our real lives are waiting for us up there.
believe whatever you want, just believe something. something that brings you peace. holding on to that helps me deal with the death of loved ones, and not to fear my own mortality. and for that i am very grateful.
the scariest thing for me is thinking about what happens after we die, or whats outside of space. they both give me the same feeling. the overwhelming unknown scares the shit out of me. our life on earth is so short. what happens for the rest of eternity? and that, right there, is when i'm filled with dread and...something so indescribably upsetting that i can't even deal with it. i start to cry and i need a distraction (tv or talking to someone) to calm down. i can't think about those things.
and of course on days like today when thinking about all those painful horrible frightening deaths....most of these people knowing they were going to die. some chose to jump off the building as a less painful alternative. death scares me. it scares me so much. there has to be something, something to comfort me. comfort us about death. and i'm not really a religious person. i believe in God but i don't buy into any organized religion. i believe in being a good person and trying to help other. so i can't say that i take solace in prayer. so i went online to do some research.
i had heard about near death experiences, and how several people have similar stories. they all felt this feeling of warmth and love all over their bodies. and how some were given a choice whether they wanted to go back or not. and some didn't but it wasn't their time yet. maybe it seems far fetched but we all have to believe in something. reading these stories gives me a sense of peace. it helps me deal with me deep fear of death. to know that when this life is over, our spirits still live on. whether its in this ethereal other dimension with love and light or if we're reincarnated (past lives) as other people or living things, it all gives me peace that this isn't the end. we're not just tossed into a black abyss for eternity. i can't deal with that.
i heard someone who had a near death experience say on tv once, something like...this life on earth is only temporary, its a blink, our real lives are waiting for us up there.
believe whatever you want, just believe something. something that brings you peace. holding on to that helps me deal with the death of loved ones, and not to fear my own mortality. and for that i am very grateful.
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