Disclaimer: If you're a guy and you don't like period talk stop reading now. If you're a girl you'll know what i'm talking about.
Recap: i got off the pill in september. didn't get my period in sept or october. which was troubling because the reason i got on the pill in the first place was to regulate my period. i was sooo irregular. i remember having my period for an entire summer once. it just wouldn't go away. well in november, on thanksgiving day in fact, i got what i thought was going to be my period. it wasn't blood. it was that dark maroonish discharge you get before the blood. sort of a warning like hey its coming. so naturally i was ecstatic!!!! i searched high and low for tampon. eventually i had ed buy me some. only to find that it wasn't even worth using a tampon. it was pretty bone dry other than some of the discharge. i would love to go into this further but for some reason people get uncomfortable with this topic, not me, its totally natural but whatever.
anyway i don't know if i could really count it as a period but hey it was something. well today BAM i got those really bad cramps and there was that tell tale sign that something crimson was a'comin'. unfortunately i was stuck on a bus that kept stopping and going. i was completely miserable. i don't know how to explain it. its not pain per se. but a very intense discomfort. when i have my period all i wanna do is curl up in a ball in my bed and not be touched or moved. so imagine being stuck on a fucking bus breaking every 2 minutes. awful. so like i said i got a hint that it wasn't just cramps this time, it was going to be blood. i was at a mcdonalds in NMB (long story, we took the bus to my school so i could get a feel for how long the ride would be) and said well i didn't really bleed last time so it shouldn't be anything to worry about. and when i got home BAM! there was blood on my panties!! yes i got excited for that. you would too if you were me. then i peed and wow! now THATS a period folks! lol. FINALLY!!!! after 4 months i finally get a decent period. do you know what this means? my body has finally gotten the pill's hormones out of its system! i'm rebooted! i'm normal again!
and let me tel you, it feels great. my gastrointestinal system works way better these days. i'm loving it. i'm very happy to be off the pill. i'd like to stay off the pill.
anyway that was it. an eventful day that i will probably need for my medical records so i decided to document it publicly.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
yeah i'm bitter
bout lots of things this month. but whatever. i'm ready to move past it. just wanna cut off ties and move on. start school. start my new life. leave the drama behind. work on me and not worry about or care about other people. i'm so happy i have something to look forward to. a new start. i'm so happy.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
i had a dream
i was skinny. lol. it was crazy. do dreams really come true? i want it to come true. i'm working on it. working on it.
Friday, December 26, 2008
surviving the holidays
the holidays are rough. usually suicide rates sore around this time. but this year even more so because of the economy woes. for the first time i could understand. when you feel completely alone in this world, like no one is on your side and everyone doesn't like you, i could see how someone would want a way out.
why are the holidays so rough? why is it that being around your family becomes excruciating? i love my family but on the holidays...its like a concentrated dose of drama. and frankly i'm not sure if i can take another year of it. i need to have a family free christmas. all this obligation is too stressful. it needs to be me and ed and sprinkles of family time. not our world revolves around my family.
its gonna take a long time to find something that works. i just wanna have a kid and have my own holidays on our own.
why are the holidays so rough? why is it that being around your family becomes excruciating? i love my family but on the holidays...its like a concentrated dose of drama. and frankly i'm not sure if i can take another year of it. i need to have a family free christmas. all this obligation is too stressful. it needs to be me and ed and sprinkles of family time. not our world revolves around my family.
its gonna take a long time to find something that works. i just wanna have a kid and have my own holidays on our own.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
i finally found a recipe that works!!!
Sugar cookies!! i've been trying diff recipes. the first one was a disaster because i didn't realize they keep the shape you drop them in. so they came out like big mountains that were burnt on the bottom. also the icing recipe sucked. so this time i said ix-nay on the icing and use store bought frosting. i had found another sugar cookie recipe i wanted to try but i didn't have all the ingredients.
sooo...i sort of merged the 2 recipes and used some ingredients from both. it also helps that i bought an electric hand mixer so i can get it nice and smooth. this time i put a spoonful of dough on the cookie sheet them flattened it with the bottom of a glass (which was covered in color sugar). well just 10 min and they came out perfect!! the bottoms were golden brown and the tops were white. they almost seemed undercooked. but no they were perfect. at first they were falling apart but i let them cool and they firmed up a bit. they're cake like! its awesome. the texture is divine. the taste is good but nothing special. i guess sugar cookies aren't wowza type cookies but i'd still like to find a recipe where the cookie itself is delicious. but anyway i'm contemplating whether i should frost them or not. so i'm just frosting one and waiting till the frosting hardens so i can see what it tasted like before i do all of them. i'll let you know! i'm too lazy to post the recipe right now but i will, i promise. but for now here's some pics!
*update* they don't have enough flavor to stand alone. texture wise they're perfect. but they're much better with frosting.
sooo...i sort of merged the 2 recipes and used some ingredients from both. it also helps that i bought an electric hand mixer so i can get it nice and smooth. this time i put a spoonful of dough on the cookie sheet them flattened it with the bottom of a glass (which was covered in color sugar). well just 10 min and they came out perfect!! the bottoms were golden brown and the tops were white. they almost seemed undercooked. but no they were perfect. at first they were falling apart but i let them cool and they firmed up a bit. they're cake like! its awesome. the texture is divine. the taste is good but nothing special. i guess sugar cookies aren't wowza type cookies but i'd still like to find a recipe where the cookie itself is delicious. but anyway i'm contemplating whether i should frost them or not. so i'm just frosting one and waiting till the frosting hardens so i can see what it tasted like before i do all of them. i'll let you know! i'm too lazy to post the recipe right now but i will, i promise. but for now here's some pics!
*update* they don't have enough flavor to stand alone. texture wise they're perfect. but they're much better with frosting.
after thoughts
its not just that she's a bitch and always has a shit face, and always has to be nasty and say nasty things every chance she gets.
even if she never said a word i still couldn't stand her. you know why? because she's a taker. all she does is take take take. she never says thank you. she never goes out of her way to do anything for others. she sucks the life force out of me. do you know what its like to be around someone who never appreciates a single thing?? someone who could never even make a kind gesture to anyone? why would you ever want to be around someone like that? why??
i refuse to let her steal my joy. i don't need people like that in my life. and you know what, if cutting her off makes my parents cut me off thats just something i have to deal with. my mother picked her over me at my wedding, if she picks her over me this time then fine. if they blame me for separating myself instead of blaming her for being horrible, then i'll deal with it. i have my husband, i'll have my children and we'll have each other. and thats that.
even if she never said a word i still couldn't stand her. you know why? because she's a taker. all she does is take take take. she never says thank you. she never goes out of her way to do anything for others. she sucks the life force out of me. do you know what its like to be around someone who never appreciates a single thing?? someone who could never even make a kind gesture to anyone? why would you ever want to be around someone like that? why??
i refuse to let her steal my joy. i don't need people like that in my life. and you know what, if cutting her off makes my parents cut me off thats just something i have to deal with. my mother picked her over me at my wedding, if she picks her over me this time then fine. if they blame me for separating myself instead of blaming her for being horrible, then i'll deal with it. i have my husband, i'll have my children and we'll have each other. and thats that.
my family puts the dys in dysfunctional
seriously. its to the point where i can't be around them without exploding. we all have issues. all 4 of us. i certainly have my own issues with my parents but we get along just fine. but when SHE is in town all hell breaks loose. she really brings out the worst. she's horrible.
my father thinks he's speaking coherently but he doesn't realize that what he says in his head is not always what comes out of his mouth. is it senility? who knows. but oy.
my mother is the "peacemaker" which is aging her beyond belief. because i know she wants to explode constantly but she just keeps it all inside. which is probably while her blood pressure is so high.
i have faults a plenty. i don't show interest in most of what they talk about. but i think that might have to do with the fact that they don't really get to know me as an adult. but for the most part i'm a nice kid.
but she...she is the most disrespectful, rude, selfish, angry, mean person i know. from the second she walks in the door she's a total bitch. why does she even come home?? WHY? she obviously doesn't want to be here with us. she treats us like shit. i think its because she wants to visit with other friends and family while she gets free room and board, meals, and spending money. its ridiculous. she's 30 yrs old. they just cower to her every whim just to keep her from exploding. they've let her get so out of control.
i'm not gonna let her bully me. i don't need that shit. if she wants to take over my parents and christmas, so be it. thank GOD i have Ed. he is my saving grace during these times. i have no problem having our own christmas. i feel bad letting my parents down. especially my mom who tries so hard to keep the peace and keep us a "happy family" but reality check. i don't need it.
after christmas last year i remember saying "thats it, i'm not having anything to do with her ever again" and yet here i find myself trying to be nice. why bother? marlena needs to learn that if she's gonna treat people like shit, she's gonna be left alone. like YOU KNOW WHO. but they don't try to teach her anything. they just keep giving in. well it will be at the expense of me.
this is the sound of me washing my hands of it.
my father thinks he's speaking coherently but he doesn't realize that what he says in his head is not always what comes out of his mouth. is it senility? who knows. but oy.
my mother is the "peacemaker" which is aging her beyond belief. because i know she wants to explode constantly but she just keeps it all inside. which is probably while her blood pressure is so high.
i have faults a plenty. i don't show interest in most of what they talk about. but i think that might have to do with the fact that they don't really get to know me as an adult. but for the most part i'm a nice kid.
but she...she is the most disrespectful, rude, selfish, angry, mean person i know. from the second she walks in the door she's a total bitch. why does she even come home?? WHY? she obviously doesn't want to be here with us. she treats us like shit. i think its because she wants to visit with other friends and family while she gets free room and board, meals, and spending money. its ridiculous. she's 30 yrs old. they just cower to her every whim just to keep her from exploding. they've let her get so out of control.
i'm not gonna let her bully me. i don't need that shit. if she wants to take over my parents and christmas, so be it. thank GOD i have Ed. he is my saving grace during these times. i have no problem having our own christmas. i feel bad letting my parents down. especially my mom who tries so hard to keep the peace and keep us a "happy family" but reality check. i don't need it.
after christmas last year i remember saying "thats it, i'm not having anything to do with her ever again" and yet here i find myself trying to be nice. why bother? marlena needs to learn that if she's gonna treat people like shit, she's gonna be left alone. like YOU KNOW WHO. but they don't try to teach her anything. they just keep giving in. well it will be at the expense of me.
this is the sound of me washing my hands of it.
Monday, December 15, 2008
The Times We Live In
You know how when you're living in a time you don't really think too much of it, but then later you hear or read about it and say yeah i remember it was a time when this and that happened. you don't realize it when you're in it. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say. But now its different. because now whats happening is so drastic that you know this time will be remembered. the 90s were great and pretty uneventful. but now we have Obama being elected and the economy is scary bad and the scariest part is they keep saying its gonna get worse. i think..."are we gonna hit another depression?" maybe that will make us stronger. we're so spoiled. going through rough times makes you stronger.
i think its pretty cool that this time will go down in history and i can say yea i lived through that. and i can tell my kids and grandkids what i remember about this time.
i think its pretty cool that this time will go down in history and i can say yea i lived through that. and i can tell my kids and grandkids what i remember about this time.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
Betty Page Dies at 85 :(
sad sad sadness :(
I saw the movie about her life. It was really interesting. She was a sweet person.
Details here
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Does anyone else remember these??
i used to get these from the 2 story Specs in the grove back in 1996. i was 16 and my mom would drop me and my friends off at the grove and we'd hang out there for hours. mostly at Specs. they had this section upstairs with tables, chairs, magazines and a cafe that sold sweets and drinks like these. I always got the peach one (2nd from left). These drinks seemed soooo cool to me. it tasted just aight. the little balls tasted like...the little cherries you get in fruit cocktail.
we would meet up with randy here and just hang out, talk, walk around, look at cds. good innocent 16yr old fun. ahh...good times.
we would meet up with randy here and just hang out, talk, walk around, look at cds. good innocent 16yr old fun. ahh...good times.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
Diana hangs out with Vic
Vic Ruggiero is the singer of The Slackers, one of my all time favorite bands. They're a ska band of course. I love Vic. I mean LOVE him.
Diana has a past with him. Sorta. She's gotten on stage with them before. And once in NYC she actually ran into Vic!!!! and they hung out and shit. how crazy is that? Well last night they came to Miami. A show I'd been looking forward to for months. But since I got sick and my eyes are too sensitive to light I decided not to go. Sigh...
so today diana calls me with a whopper of a story. something pulled straight from my fantasy. something so unreal so unfathomable that i must have dreamt the entire conversation. but...i don't think i did. but i'll double check later. she met him after the show, he remembered her. she said you wanna get outta here and get something to eat? he jumped at the opportunity. they spent the whole night driving around looking for cuban food at 2am. nothing was open. they ended up at denny's. they talked about everything. he thought she was so cool. she dropped him off at his hotel on Ponce De Leon. Hello!! yeah like right down the street from me??!!
At first i was so excited to hear this story. Now the more I think about it the more envious i am. Its my complete fantasy but it didn't happen to me. It never does. It always happens to her. So yeah i'm kind of jealous. It makes you think about the order of the universe and god and all that. you can't help but be bitter. even though she's my friend and i love her. but then i think well ok maybe she is lucky in these things. but maybe i'm luckier in other things. she had a hard childhood i had a great childhood. i'm married, she's not. i don't have to work, she needs to get extra work on the side. i mean..everyone has a different path. and maybe i have some things that maybe she's jealous of. so you gotta think of it that way. you have to be happy with what you have and not be jealous of your friends.
at least theres always the possibility that she could call me next time she hangs out with him and invite me along. right?
Thursday, December 4, 2008
I cooked for the first time in over a week!
The last time I cooked was the Tuesday night before Thanksgiving. Then you know...the virus happened....so we didn't want any real food for a while. But today finally on Thursday night I felt like eating real food!! But light. keep it light.
I made a steak. I know i know..doesn't sound light. But its a small cut. and it was juicy and good. i haven't had steak in a long time. I haven't cooked it in 6 months and i was a big steak fanatic. it was good. but i'm not gonna go back to red meat. it was just a little change that i needed. and plus my body needed protein. i also had caesar salad, baked potato and a bread roll. it wasn't heavy like greasy or fried or creamy. it was light. and very tasty.
I made a steak. I know i know..doesn't sound light. But its a small cut. and it was juicy and good. i haven't had steak in a long time. I haven't cooked it in 6 months and i was a big steak fanatic. it was good. but i'm not gonna go back to red meat. it was just a little change that i needed. and plus my body needed protein. i also had caesar salad, baked potato and a bread roll. it wasn't heavy like greasy or fried or creamy. it was light. and very tasty.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Struggling for Christmas Spirit
I'm notorious for starting to get excited for Christmas too early. This year it hit right after my first Halloween party (oct. 25th) but Ed (Grinch) felt the need to squash that. Why? You know? I mean whats the harm?? You do you have to be a kill joy? Whatever. So because he stunted my natural growth into the holidays I lost my holiday spirit. When time came to get it back it just wasn't there. When I was watching the Macy's parade I was finally able to get it back but then came a disappointing Thanksgiving Day followed by the virus. Knocked any hope of spirit right outta me.
But tonight I stumbled upon the lighting of the Tree at Rockefeller Center and got so filled with Christmas joy that I found myself acting like a 3 yr old with a new toy. I was soooo excited!!! Pure childlike joy. It was beautiful....if unappreciated by others. There I was working on my advent calendar (i'm making it from foam board) and enjoying christmas music and really wanting someone to share the joy with me. Ed came home, he was most uninterested as usual. Its such a bummer. Makes me feel kind of lonely. I remember how my mom would get excited about this stuff because she's a kid at heart too. I wish I had a son or daughter to enjoy this stuff with since my husband clearly is no fun. I wished that Erika and I could hang out together because I just know she would enjoy watching Christmas specials on tv while we work on crafty projects together. Don't you wish we were neighbors prima?
I wished so much he would stay and watch stuff with me or sit and help me with my project or just keep me company. But he went to bed. sigh....:( It gets lonely sometimes. Really lonely. When you're the only one who gets excited about stuff.
Right now I'm watching A Christmas story for the 2nd time today and I'm so happy to be watching something Christmasy while I work on my calendar.
I'm clinging to these feelings of joy. I would feel really hurt and deeply regretful if this Christmas season was ruined or if I didn't enjoy every second of it.
But tonight I stumbled upon the lighting of the Tree at Rockefeller Center and got so filled with Christmas joy that I found myself acting like a 3 yr old with a new toy. I was soooo excited!!! Pure childlike joy. It was beautiful....if unappreciated by others. There I was working on my advent calendar (i'm making it from foam board) and enjoying christmas music and really wanting someone to share the joy with me. Ed came home, he was most uninterested as usual. Its such a bummer. Makes me feel kind of lonely. I remember how my mom would get excited about this stuff because she's a kid at heart too. I wish I had a son or daughter to enjoy this stuff with since my husband clearly is no fun. I wished that Erika and I could hang out together because I just know she would enjoy watching Christmas specials on tv while we work on crafty projects together. Don't you wish we were neighbors prima?
I wished so much he would stay and watch stuff with me or sit and help me with my project or just keep me company. But he went to bed. sigh....:( It gets lonely sometimes. Really lonely. When you're the only one who gets excited about stuff.
Right now I'm watching A Christmas story for the 2nd time today and I'm so happy to be watching something Christmasy while I work on my calendar.
I'm clinging to these feelings of joy. I would feel really hurt and deeply regretful if this Christmas season was ruined or if I didn't enjoy every second of it.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Sunday, November 30, 2008
The Disaster that was Thanksgiving Weekend
it started out well enough. the drive up was cool. i even got to watch the whole parade from beginning to end. it was so enjoyable. and on top of all that i got my period!! for the first time in 2 months!!! my first period since i got off the pill in sept. funny part? i didn't bring any pads or tampons (this was the last thing i was expecting) and doris is like 60 something so you know she didn't have anything in her house. so yeah...that was a sitcom moment. then we had a lunch with doris, took a nap, and went to tricia's house for dinner. it wasn't what i expected. when i got there everyone ate and it was more like a party than thanksgiving dinner. it turned into a big crazy party. it was pretty fun but i was hoping for some family time. but thats ok, we had the whole weekend. one thing i should mention is that the previous day most of the family was sick with a stomach virus. so some of them couldn't even eat. poor tricia didn't eat all that night.
cut to friday. we go over to manny and tricia's place. we have some leftovers. we play cranium. me and ed and the kids do a fast food/ice cream run, then we played rock band 2! that night tricia's younger sister and james (ed's middle nephew) were complaining about stomach pains and went to bed. then we went home.
cut to saturday at 8am. i roll over and ed's not in bed. i woke up and walked into the living room and see pillows and a sheet on the couch. i thought....did doris sleep on the couch last night? nah she'd never leave (she went to orlando that morning) without making the couch perfect again. ed is in the bathroom. i wait for him. he gets out i say whats up?? why are you out here. he says i couldn't sleep, i was so nauseous and i've been in and out of the bathroom all morning. oh no!! sounds like he got the virus!! so i went to cvs and got a bunch of medicines. then i came home, ate some crackers and a sandwich, then took a nap. my tummy started to hurt. so i asked ed to bring me some gas-x because it felt like i had this giant gas bubble. this has been happening to me lately so i didn't think anything of it. i kept having these pains as i was trying to nap until i ran to the bathroom with this feeling that i haven't felt in years I HAD TO THROW UP!! omg it was awful. do you know what its like to have to go to the bathroom and then right after you're done you have to turn around and throw up??? ugh its awful!! i wouldn't wish it on anyone!! i ended up throwing up three times that morning. the rest of the day ed and i just stayed in the house and laid around all day. i was sore sore and feverish. my face looked like death. throwing up made my skin break out in this rash and i looked like i had 2 black eyes and the skin around my mouth turned dark.
sunday morning. i woke up so so so sore. all my stomach muscles and my sides. still can't eat. just drank some gatorade. we were able to pack up and get the fuck out of there. the whole ride i had stomach pain but luckily i never had to go to the bathroom. we got home. i was able to eat a small box of cereal with no milk. we took a nap and my eyes were hurting when i woke up. i looked in the mirror and what do i see?
so yeah. my everything hurts. i'm kind of hungry since i've only eaten a mini box of cereal and 5 grapes since saturday morning. but my stomach is so sensitive i'm scared to eat. but at least i'm not grossed out at the thought of all food.
thank god i had ed take monday off last week. so he has an extra day to rest. we really need to recover. i hope my eyes get better. its a little scary.
*Update*
As of Monday here's a list of all the people who got infected:
Tricia, Manny, Emmanuel, Nathaniel, James (ed's brother's fam); Christina and Bethany (tricia's sisters), Marc (bethany's boyfriend), Joel and Rosa (tricia's friend and her son), Charm and Amani (ed's other sis in law and niece), Jen and Alan (friends of the family); Me and Ed.
cut to friday. we go over to manny and tricia's place. we have some leftovers. we play cranium. me and ed and the kids do a fast food/ice cream run, then we played rock band 2! that night tricia's younger sister and james (ed's middle nephew) were complaining about stomach pains and went to bed. then we went home.
cut to saturday at 8am. i roll over and ed's not in bed. i woke up and walked into the living room and see pillows and a sheet on the couch. i thought....did doris sleep on the couch last night? nah she'd never leave (she went to orlando that morning) without making the couch perfect again. ed is in the bathroom. i wait for him. he gets out i say whats up?? why are you out here. he says i couldn't sleep, i was so nauseous and i've been in and out of the bathroom all morning. oh no!! sounds like he got the virus!! so i went to cvs and got a bunch of medicines. then i came home, ate some crackers and a sandwich, then took a nap. my tummy started to hurt. so i asked ed to bring me some gas-x because it felt like i had this giant gas bubble. this has been happening to me lately so i didn't think anything of it. i kept having these pains as i was trying to nap until i ran to the bathroom with this feeling that i haven't felt in years I HAD TO THROW UP!! omg it was awful. do you know what its like to have to go to the bathroom and then right after you're done you have to turn around and throw up??? ugh its awful!! i wouldn't wish it on anyone!! i ended up throwing up three times that morning. the rest of the day ed and i just stayed in the house and laid around all day. i was sore sore and feverish. my face looked like death. throwing up made my skin break out in this rash and i looked like i had 2 black eyes and the skin around my mouth turned dark.
sunday morning. i woke up so so so sore. all my stomach muscles and my sides. still can't eat. just drank some gatorade. we were able to pack up and get the fuck out of there. the whole ride i had stomach pain but luckily i never had to go to the bathroom. we got home. i was able to eat a small box of cereal with no milk. we took a nap and my eyes were hurting when i woke up. i looked in the mirror and what do i see?
so yeah. my everything hurts. i'm kind of hungry since i've only eaten a mini box of cereal and 5 grapes since saturday morning. but my stomach is so sensitive i'm scared to eat. but at least i'm not grossed out at the thought of all food.
thank god i had ed take monday off last week. so he has an extra day to rest. we really need to recover. i hope my eyes get better. its a little scary.
*Update*
As of Monday here's a list of all the people who got infected:
Tricia, Manny, Emmanuel, Nathaniel, James (ed's brother's fam); Christina and Bethany (tricia's sisters), Marc (bethany's boyfriend), Joel and Rosa (tricia's friend and her son), Charm and Amani (ed's other sis in law and niece), Jen and Alan (friends of the family); Me and Ed.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Apple Pastries
well..here they are. i've never used fillo dough before. haven't tasted these yet. we'll see...
Monday, November 24, 2008
i'll give you $50 if you'll let me take a nap right now
so its monday before thanksgiving. i have lots to do before we drive to ft meyers on wed. today i took ed to work and took the car to the dealership. i had to leave it there so they could assess it. they'll call me later to come get it. chances are they have to order the parts i need and nothing will be fixed. but i'll still have to pay a $40 service charge plus pay up front for any parts that have to be ordered. so it looks like i'll be driving to ft meyers with half of the radio light out. which sucks lots because i can't see what time it is in the car.
i had to take 2 buses to get home. but the 2nd bus never came. so i ended up walking 12 city blocks home. did i mention i only got like 5 hours of sleep last night?
i don't feel like attempting to take the bus back. i'm gonna ask the dealership guy for a ride there.
i'm working on burning some cds for the car ride. one will be fun upbeat songs to keep me awake and the other will be christmas songs to get me in the mood.
i was gonna cut my hair but i dunno. i'm kinda digging this flat iron thing. my hair looks pretty cool really straight and long, especially in pigtails. i'm diggin' it. we shall see.
i had to take 2 buses to get home. but the 2nd bus never came. so i ended up walking 12 city blocks home. did i mention i only got like 5 hours of sleep last night?
i don't feel like attempting to take the bus back. i'm gonna ask the dealership guy for a ride there.
i'm working on burning some cds for the car ride. one will be fun upbeat songs to keep me awake and the other will be christmas songs to get me in the mood.
i was gonna cut my hair but i dunno. i'm kinda digging this flat iron thing. my hair looks pretty cool really straight and long, especially in pigtails. i'm diggin' it. we shall see.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
I want a big family
I've always loved movies with big families getting together for Christmas. I've always wanted a family like that. But its only me and my sis and we don't get along. I get that feeling on Christmas with all the cousins but its so fleeting. I have to tell you, i'm so lonely. All my cousins have moved away and i'm used to being around a big family. always having people to hang out with and always going to someone's house for no reason at all. i miss it so much. i miss having that big family. its gone now.
thats why i want to have a big family. i have a lot of cousins but i wouldn't say there's a matriarch or patriarch that brings everyone together. i want to be that. i want to be the big momma that everyone comes home to for thanksgiving and christmas. i want to have 4 or 5 kids. i want to have a big family full of love. i want my kids to feel like they're not alone in this world. i want the family bond to be really really strong. my family is ok but a bit dysfunctional and ed's family, well he didn't grow up in a big loving family. so its something i really want to have with our children. i know its a lot of work. i know its expensive. but i know people with lots of kids who make it work in a small house or in a den. is it so wrong in this day and age to want a big family? i have so much love to give. i'm bursting.
the problem is i'm almost 30 and haven't had one kid. if we space them out like we want to i don't think i'll be able to have all the kids i want. :(
everyone has an opinion. but no one can argue whats in my heart. maybe what i want is not what you would want but everyone is different. how can it be wrong when you want something so much? this isn't something new. i've always had these feelings but never really realized them till now. i'm finding out more and more about myself.
*update*
ed's reply: "I'm not worried about the big family thing as long as we take it 1 step at a time." :)
thats why i want to have a big family. i have a lot of cousins but i wouldn't say there's a matriarch or patriarch that brings everyone together. i want to be that. i want to be the big momma that everyone comes home to for thanksgiving and christmas. i want to have 4 or 5 kids. i want to have a big family full of love. i want my kids to feel like they're not alone in this world. i want the family bond to be really really strong. my family is ok but a bit dysfunctional and ed's family, well he didn't grow up in a big loving family. so its something i really want to have with our children. i know its a lot of work. i know its expensive. but i know people with lots of kids who make it work in a small house or in a den. is it so wrong in this day and age to want a big family? i have so much love to give. i'm bursting.
the problem is i'm almost 30 and haven't had one kid. if we space them out like we want to i don't think i'll be able to have all the kids i want. :(
everyone has an opinion. but no one can argue whats in my heart. maybe what i want is not what you would want but everyone is different. how can it be wrong when you want something so much? this isn't something new. i've always had these feelings but never really realized them till now. i'm finding out more and more about myself.
*update*
ed's reply: "I'm not worried about the big family thing as long as we take it 1 step at a time." :)
gas from hell
its 4am and i haven't slept a wink. (i went to bed at midnight)
why? because i have the worst gas ever. and not because i was farting a lot. in fact farting would be a blessing from god right now. i've had this pain in my stomach since i went to bed and nothing comes of it. no passing gas, no having to go to the bathroom, just the constant pain you get right before a bathroom attack. its horrible!!!!
i tried everything to make myself release the gas. but nothing. i got up to go to he bathroom thinking that maybe squatting down will help. it didn't. i sat there forever and eventually had a very painful BM. i've been having painful BMs for weeks now. hemorrhoids. they come and go but usually if i drink lots of water and take lots of showers they go away. these haven't gone away. but at least they're not so bad that i have to sit on a donut (its gotten very very bad before) its just been painful and hard to pass poops. i felt the pain go away for a bit after this one. but then it slowly started to creep up again so i took 2 immodium. i'm telling you man, thank god for these pills. they've gotten me through many a rough nights.
i'm trying to think, is it something i ate? i had salmon, broccoli, and yams. nothing out of the ordinary. i'm hoping these pills kick in soon so i can have some peace.
why? because i have the worst gas ever. and not because i was farting a lot. in fact farting would be a blessing from god right now. i've had this pain in my stomach since i went to bed and nothing comes of it. no passing gas, no having to go to the bathroom, just the constant pain you get right before a bathroom attack. its horrible!!!!
i tried everything to make myself release the gas. but nothing. i got up to go to he bathroom thinking that maybe squatting down will help. it didn't. i sat there forever and eventually had a very painful BM. i've been having painful BMs for weeks now. hemorrhoids. they come and go but usually if i drink lots of water and take lots of showers they go away. these haven't gone away. but at least they're not so bad that i have to sit on a donut (its gotten very very bad before) its just been painful and hard to pass poops. i felt the pain go away for a bit after this one. but then it slowly started to creep up again so i took 2 immodium. i'm telling you man, thank god for these pills. they've gotten me through many a rough nights.
i'm trying to think, is it something i ate? i had salmon, broccoli, and yams. nothing out of the ordinary. i'm hoping these pills kick in soon so i can have some peace.
ugh
i'm getting all the symptoms of a period but no period. :( i haven't gotten my period since i got off the pill. and no i'm not pregnant. i checked. this is annoying man. i hate being irregular. i hate having all the cramping, bloating, fatigue, and moodswings and no fucking period! grr!!
Monday, November 17, 2008
yay it was cold today!!
i'm soo trapped without a car. every week is so boring. just me here by myself all day. sometimes i don't go outside for days.
by the time the weekend comes around i'm so hard up for some driving that i get excited about running errands. today we were in kendall hitting the stores. and i had a blast because it was in the 60s!!! it was DEEELICIOUS!! ugh it was so nice. i truly enjoyed it. it was rare because its a sunday and we were out till 7ish. but thank god because i so needed a day out and about.
i'm so hard up for driving time that i'm so looking forward to driving to ft meyers for thanksgiving! and the cold weather sooo put me in the holiday mood. i was worried because i was trying to muzzle my holiday excitement because it was too early and then i lost it :( i was worried i wouldn't get it back. but thank god! its back! i think its a good sign. this is the 2nd cold day this season. so i'm hoping there will be more to come!!
by the time the weekend comes around i'm so hard up for some driving that i get excited about running errands. today we were in kendall hitting the stores. and i had a blast because it was in the 60s!!! it was DEEELICIOUS!! ugh it was so nice. i truly enjoyed it. it was rare because its a sunday and we were out till 7ish. but thank god because i so needed a day out and about.
i'm so hard up for driving time that i'm so looking forward to driving to ft meyers for thanksgiving! and the cold weather sooo put me in the holiday mood. i was worried because i was trying to muzzle my holiday excitement because it was too early and then i lost it :( i was worried i wouldn't get it back. but thank god! its back! i think its a good sign. this is the 2nd cold day this season. so i'm hoping there will be more to come!!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
10 things i love about boston
10 things i love about boston, in no particular order
1. WFNX and WBCN
2. The T
3. The feeling of unity and pride
4. The scene (rock, punk, emo, alternative, etc)
5. The seasons (and the views, breahtaking. just a beautiful place from top to bottom)
6. Getting to wear sweaters
7. The people
8. The Mass Pike (i was NEVER stuck in bumper to bumper traffic)
9. The regulated auto insurance! (we only paid $70 a month!)
10. The ability to drive to other states in hours
oh and 11. My job at BNN
10 things i didn't like about boston
1. Falling (i fell A LOT)
2. Gas stations close at midnight
3. All restaurants close at 10pm
4. Getting to a Target meant taking the highway to another town
5. The crowds on the T before or after a RedSox game
6. Not knowing anyone, and being shy/antisocial didn't help me make friends
7. no cuban food
8. all the houses and apts were old. rare to find modern buildings
9. None of the Malls had movie theatres
and....i can't think of another one
Note i didn't complain about the drivers. why? because drivers are MUCH worse in miami.
1. WFNX and WBCN
2. The T
3. The feeling of unity and pride
4. The scene (rock, punk, emo, alternative, etc)
5. The seasons (and the views, breahtaking. just a beautiful place from top to bottom)
6. Getting to wear sweaters
7. The people
8. The Mass Pike (i was NEVER stuck in bumper to bumper traffic)
9. The regulated auto insurance! (we only paid $70 a month!)
10. The ability to drive to other states in hours
oh and 11. My job at BNN
10 things i didn't like about boston
1. Falling (i fell A LOT)
2. Gas stations close at midnight
3. All restaurants close at 10pm
4. Getting to a Target meant taking the highway to another town
5. The crowds on the T before or after a RedSox game
6. Not knowing anyone, and being shy/antisocial didn't help me make friends
7. no cuban food
8. all the houses and apts were old. rare to find modern buildings
9. None of the Malls had movie theatres
and....i can't think of another one
Note i didn't complain about the drivers. why? because drivers are MUCH worse in miami.
my heart is ripped in half
half my heart is in miami and half my heart is in boston. and no matter what i do i'll always be missing half my heart.
the decision to move here wasn't easy. we have a lot of things that are easier for us down here. but this city has no character. i regret so many adventures i never had. and there were so many to have in that amazing city. but we had no one to have them with. which is why we didn't have them. not the best excuse but an honest one. i wish there could be a happy medium. i really do. miami is empty. it leaves me hollow. i have friends and family and thats it. we have yet to find people "like us". i doubt we ever will. i'm too cool for his city. but what can i do?
my heart will always hurt for you boston.
the decision to move here wasn't easy. we have a lot of things that are easier for us down here. but this city has no character. i regret so many adventures i never had. and there were so many to have in that amazing city. but we had no one to have them with. which is why we didn't have them. not the best excuse but an honest one. i wish there could be a happy medium. i really do. miami is empty. it leaves me hollow. i have friends and family and thats it. we have yet to find people "like us". i doubt we ever will. i'm too cool for his city. but what can i do?
my heart will always hurt for you boston.
Monday, November 10, 2008
my writing
someone once criticized my writing by saying it was sloppy and improper. i don't write well. first of all i use all lowercase. i use ellipses (...) all the time. i wrote in run on sentences. all sorts of stuff.
but someone else told me that i write the way i talk. i think that makes me relatable and fun to read. some people get it and really like it. some don't.
but someone else told me that i write the way i talk. i think that makes me relatable and fun to read. some people get it and really like it. some don't.
Friday, November 7, 2008
The "Thank God I'm Not Pregnant!" Dream
I was so relieved when i woke up today. and you may be surprised to know why.
i only remember little snippets of my dream so i can't explain it very well but here it goes.
DREAM:
i had missed my period. i went with my friends to my gyno. she said i wasn't pregnant yet, but to give it some time and if my period didn't come in the next couple of weeks i'd be pregnant.
that turned into me thinking i was pregnant. no one made any fuss at all. i sat and had a convo with my mom. she asked me if i was showing. i said i felt like i was showing but its hard to tell on me. i told her i was upset because no one was making a big deal. she said its because it wasn't really my baby. i was having it for that lesbian over there. i said but it IS my baby! i'm gonna raise it with her. i'll be its mother. so i deserve some excitement from people. but i felt really sad and worried. this is not how i wanted it to happen. not like this. not now. i didn't want to have a baby with a lesbian. i'm not a lesbian. i want to have a baby with ed! oh no what did i get myself into? oh god its too late now, there's nothing i can do. then my mom asked "are you sure you're pregnant?" and i remembered back to the gyno apt. she never actually said i was pregnant. in fact she said i wasn't yet. THANK GOD!!!! I'M NOT PREGNANT!!! and then i woke up beaming from ear to ear. never so glad to not be knocked up.
explanations:
1. i had a conversation with my friend yesterday. i told her i got off the pill and i haven't gotten my period yet. she said to give it a few months for my body to reboot itself. but she also said a friend of hers got off the pill and got pregnant the same month. so that explains the gyno apt in my dream.
2. the lesbian thing is a product of all this Prop 8 stuff i've been seeing everywhere. Last night before i went to sleep there was something on the news about these 2 lesbians that had gotten married before the prop was passed.
3. not being ready for a baby. not wanting it like this. this doesn't mean that i don't want a baby or that i'm in some way not ready to be a parent. this is because i talked to ed about being worried that with the new school loan and school that if something happened and i got pregnant now it would ruin everything. we're taking a financial risk and we have no wiggle room for error here. i can't let anything get me off course. i want to have a baby when i've completed my tasks and i can relax and enjoy pregnancy. i can't do that now. i'm focused on school. i want to do things the right way.
so there you go. i just had to share.
i only remember little snippets of my dream so i can't explain it very well but here it goes.
DREAM:
i had missed my period. i went with my friends to my gyno. she said i wasn't pregnant yet, but to give it some time and if my period didn't come in the next couple of weeks i'd be pregnant.
that turned into me thinking i was pregnant. no one made any fuss at all. i sat and had a convo with my mom. she asked me if i was showing. i said i felt like i was showing but its hard to tell on me. i told her i was upset because no one was making a big deal. she said its because it wasn't really my baby. i was having it for that lesbian over there. i said but it IS my baby! i'm gonna raise it with her. i'll be its mother. so i deserve some excitement from people. but i felt really sad and worried. this is not how i wanted it to happen. not like this. not now. i didn't want to have a baby with a lesbian. i'm not a lesbian. i want to have a baby with ed! oh no what did i get myself into? oh god its too late now, there's nothing i can do. then my mom asked "are you sure you're pregnant?" and i remembered back to the gyno apt. she never actually said i was pregnant. in fact she said i wasn't yet. THANK GOD!!!! I'M NOT PREGNANT!!! and then i woke up beaming from ear to ear. never so glad to not be knocked up.
explanations:
1. i had a conversation with my friend yesterday. i told her i got off the pill and i haven't gotten my period yet. she said to give it a few months for my body to reboot itself. but she also said a friend of hers got off the pill and got pregnant the same month. so that explains the gyno apt in my dream.
2. the lesbian thing is a product of all this Prop 8 stuff i've been seeing everywhere. Last night before i went to sleep there was something on the news about these 2 lesbians that had gotten married before the prop was passed.
3. not being ready for a baby. not wanting it like this. this doesn't mean that i don't want a baby or that i'm in some way not ready to be a parent. this is because i talked to ed about being worried that with the new school loan and school that if something happened and i got pregnant now it would ruin everything. we're taking a financial risk and we have no wiggle room for error here. i can't let anything get me off course. i want to have a baby when i've completed my tasks and i can relax and enjoy pregnancy. i can't do that now. i'm focused on school. i want to do things the right way.
so there you go. i just had to share.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Barack Obama is our new President
I have never in my life been more proud to be an American. As a matter of fact I don't think I ever had a "proud to be an American" moment. We hadn't done much for me to be proud of. Especially with Bush in the white house. But today I was actually proud.
I will never forget as long as i live where i was when Barack Obama was elected president. I will never forget it. I was here in my apt in coral gables with my husband, my best friend jenny, my friend adrian, my friend ivonne (boncha) and her husband Joel. Today my friend Adrian blew me away when he said that he voted for Obama. This is a guy that I have argued with over and over. He refused to vote. And yet somehow, out of the blue, he went out and voted at the last minute. This act reinforced my faith in people.
The fact that Obama won in Florida is so astoundingly significant. This means things are starting to change.
I will tell my children where i was, show them pictures, tell them stories. I am so fortunate to live in this time.
I'm proud of my fellow Americans. I'm proud of YOU!
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Election Day
OMG you guys!! the day has finally come!!! its been so long in the making. frankly we're all sick of the politics and the fighting i'm sure. i was appalled to find out how many friends and acquaintances were not voting. i don't understand how anyone could not care. i just can't fathom that. this has caused me to get into heated conversations with people and its just not worth it. i can't change their minds. i just have to mind my own business.
its just weird how you've been close to these people and you don't even know where they stand politically. i just want this to be over so i can be friends with them again! lol. once barack is in office i can let them off the hook. pero si gana mccain, preparate! they're all gonna hear it from me.
i understand apathy at 20. but at nearly 30? its just sad. ignorance is never cute.
anyway whatever today is the day and i'm optimistic. getting the apt ready for my election party. a party at which probably only one of my guests will have voted. but whatever. can't wait!!! i've never had a party here before. probably only 1 or 2 will show but whatever.
GO OBAMA!!!!
its just weird how you've been close to these people and you don't even know where they stand politically. i just want this to be over so i can be friends with them again! lol. once barack is in office i can let them off the hook. pero si gana mccain, preparate! they're all gonna hear it from me.
i understand apathy at 20. but at nearly 30? its just sad. ignorance is never cute.
anyway whatever today is the day and i'm optimistic. getting the apt ready for my election party. a party at which probably only one of my guests will have voted. but whatever. can't wait!!! i've never had a party here before. probably only 1 or 2 will show but whatever.
GO OBAMA!!!!
Monday, November 3, 2008
SNL does The View!!! hahaha!!
EVEN MORE LOLS!!! THEY DO KEITH OLBERMAN! this is only funny if you watch his show. and i've been watching it a lot thanks to ed.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
sigh...
seems like everyone is getting houses and having babies around me. i guess you see what you wanna see. when i was planning my wedding everyone around me and on tv was getting married. sigh...
Monday, October 27, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
I voted today! YAY ME!!
2 1/2 hours in the hot sun but i did it! early voting. i'm so proud of myself. and whew! what a load off.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Halloween Cupcakes!
How do you make vanilla cupcakes into pumkin cupcakes quickly and easily??
Add some pumpkin pie spice, some cinnamon, and some food coloring (red and yellow=orange) and voila!
I added a little green food coloring to the vanilla frosting. i went easy on the food coloring because i didn't want to mess up the taste. so they look very very light green. but in person they look greener.
these are just plain chocolate.
Don't they look DELICIOUS? well guess what? THEY ARE!! they're yummy and pumpkiny!!
Add some pumpkin pie spice, some cinnamon, and some food coloring (red and yellow=orange) and voila!
I added a little green food coloring to the vanilla frosting. i went easy on the food coloring because i didn't want to mess up the taste. so they look very very light green. but in person they look greener.
these are just plain chocolate.
Don't they look DELICIOUS? well guess what? THEY ARE!! they're yummy and pumpkiny!!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
thoughts on christmas
christmas through your children's eyes must be so wonderful. i get soooo excited about christmas, i'm like a kid. but its not the same. i tired being a kid again 2 yrs ago. ed got me toys per my request. and yeah it was fun for like a day. then all those toys got thrown out. :/ so that was a waste. i'm not a kid anymore. but i'm so looking forward to having kids of my own and seeing the excitement of christmas through their eyes. i didn't think you could really enjoy something through kids because THEY are the ones enjoying it. but i guess its a way to live vicariously through them. they're still young and not jaded and can really enjoy the little things. i'm dying to make treats and sweets for my kids for the holidays and decorate like crazy and get them lots of little gifts. i so look forward to the day. because i'm such a christmas lover that i think i will go ALL out for my kids. just like my parents did with us. they really made it special for me.
till this day i get excited when i see christmas decorations at the store in october. i start listening to christmas music as early as september. i get so giddy when i see the christmas episode of any show but especially cartoons. i love when its cold out because it "feels" like christmas. i love the smell of christmas. i love getting that warm tingly feeling you get at the holidays. like all is right with the world. its always been and will always be the best time of year for me and my favorite holiday. the only bad part about christmas is when its over. lol. i'm looking forward to having little meli and eds to share the joy of christmas with. :)
ps. i wanna spoil kids with treats and stuff i never had. i fear my children will have a weight problem!! yikes!!
till this day i get excited when i see christmas decorations at the store in october. i start listening to christmas music as early as september. i get so giddy when i see the christmas episode of any show but especially cartoons. i love when its cold out because it "feels" like christmas. i love the smell of christmas. i love getting that warm tingly feeling you get at the holidays. like all is right with the world. its always been and will always be the best time of year for me and my favorite holiday. the only bad part about christmas is when its over. lol. i'm looking forward to having little meli and eds to share the joy of christmas with. :)
ps. i wanna spoil kids with treats and stuff i never had. i fear my children will have a weight problem!! yikes!!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
popcorn balls
i have a halloween party this weekend and my plan was to make pumpkin cupcakes and popcorn balls. i've never made either before. so i decided to make do a practice run for the popcorn balls since i've already make cupcakes before. popcorn balls are completely foreign to me.
cooking the syrup took a long time. and in the end it was messy and a mission to clean because it gets hard. there was a 1 inch layer of hard syrup at the bottom of my pot. the popcorn itself, once mixed with the sugar syrup, was crunchy. its not for grown ups. if you have fillings or caps or crowns or anything its not for you! god i'm so old!! this is a really good recipe for kids. i'm sure they'll love it.
2 things i added. i wanted to drizzle chocolate ad caramel on them. i know how to melt caramel and i thought i could do the same with chocolate chips. WRONG! the chips got all clumped up and the ones that did melt were watery (from the milk) so when i drizzled it, it just soaked into the popcorn. the caramel came out the way i wanted to. pero imaginate, between the popcorn, the candy, and the caramel there's no way i can eat these. i don't know if i should bring them to the party. i wonder if there's some kids i can give these to.
anyway here's how they came out!
cooking the syrup took a long time. and in the end it was messy and a mission to clean because it gets hard. there was a 1 inch layer of hard syrup at the bottom of my pot. the popcorn itself, once mixed with the sugar syrup, was crunchy. its not for grown ups. if you have fillings or caps or crowns or anything its not for you! god i'm so old!! this is a really good recipe for kids. i'm sure they'll love it.
2 things i added. i wanted to drizzle chocolate ad caramel on them. i know how to melt caramel and i thought i could do the same with chocolate chips. WRONG! the chips got all clumped up and the ones that did melt were watery (from the milk) so when i drizzled it, it just soaked into the popcorn. the caramel came out the way i wanted to. pero imaginate, between the popcorn, the candy, and the caramel there's no way i can eat these. i don't know if i should bring them to the party. i wonder if there's some kids i can give these to.
anyway here's how they came out!
Monday, October 20, 2008
so fucking pissed
i go 5 months without weighing myself. 5 MONTHS! its hard to go even a week. but i resisted. fine. and today my doctor after expressing to the nurse who weighed me that i don't wanna know my weight (i told her last time i was there as well) comes out and fucking tells me. this really pisses me off. and to top it off she tells me i weigh 2 lbs less than when i started? in what universe!! my pants are looser, my waist is smaller, how in the world am i only 2lbs. she's saying i gained 12 lbs in a month? i don't think so. i have eyes.
she just gets on my damn nerves. she's nice and all but she's so needy. its like she doesn't have enough patients and she needs to find things wrong with me so i can keep giving her co-pays. i mean everything she told me today she could have told me over the phone. but i had to waste my time and pay $25 to boot! ugh! and she's like have you had your pap? yes. well come back for your pap. hello i have a gyno. i've had this gyno for years and i just met you. back the fuck off lady. shit.
*UPDATE* i weighed myself at home on the same medical scale they have and THEY WERE OFF BY 9 LBS!!!!! jerk offs. i only gained 3lbs since my last visit. can you believe that shit? i'm so freaking pissed. they have totally fucked me up and will no doubt effect my weight loss from here on out. but i'm relieved that they were DEAD WRONG!
she just gets on my damn nerves. she's nice and all but she's so needy. its like she doesn't have enough patients and she needs to find things wrong with me so i can keep giving her co-pays. i mean everything she told me today she could have told me over the phone. but i had to waste my time and pay $25 to boot! ugh! and she's like have you had your pap? yes. well come back for your pap. hello i have a gyno. i've had this gyno for years and i just met you. back the fuck off lady. shit.
*UPDATE* i weighed myself at home on the same medical scale they have and THEY WERE OFF BY 9 LBS!!!!! jerk offs. i only gained 3lbs since my last visit. can you believe that shit? i'm so freaking pissed. they have totally fucked me up and will no doubt effect my weight loss from here on out. but i'm relieved that they were DEAD WRONG!
School News
Well the approved the loan! yes! and i sent in my application. So now we're just waiting for the loan paperwork so we can sign off and stuff. The wheels are in motion!! ahhh!! i'm soooooo excited!! But I want to wait till I get my enrollment package to tell everyone. Although some people already now. I'm looking forward to finally having something to tell people at the Christmas party. But more than that I'm SUPER excited for school! I can't wait to get to class and learn and work on projects! It sounds really fun and interesting and challenging and just a great way to show my creativity. I love having projects to work on. I know I will do well. Because this is stuff I already know about and I'm really interested in it. Ugh I'm just soo excited.
i can't wait to start school. i can't wait to get a great job! i can't wait to finally make something of myself and be the person i have the potential to be. i have the relationship, now i wanna work on my career. later on i'll start a family. but for now i want to work on me. if i'm not the best i can be how can i give myself to a child? no this year will be all about self improvement. look out 2009, its the year of meli!
i can't wait to start school. i can't wait to get a great job! i can't wait to finally make something of myself and be the person i have the potential to be. i have the relationship, now i wanna work on my career. later on i'll start a family. but for now i want to work on me. if i'm not the best i can be how can i give myself to a child? no this year will be all about self improvement. look out 2009, its the year of meli!
Saturday, October 18, 2008
note to self -early voting
Your Early Vote Location
West Dade Regional Library
9445 SW 24th St. Miami FL 33165 (Get directions)
Hours: October 20th - November 2nd; Monday the 20th to Friday the 24th 7am - 3pm; Monday the 27th to Friday the 31st 11am - 7pm; Saturdays 9am - 1pm; Sundays 1pm - 5pm
Early Vote in Florida starts on Monday, October 20 and runs through Sunday, November 2.
West Dade Regional Library
9445 SW 24th St. Miami FL 33165 (Get directions)
Hours: October 20th - November 2nd; Monday the 20th to Friday the 24th 7am - 3pm; Monday the 27th to Friday the 31st 11am - 7pm; Saturdays 9am - 1pm; Sundays 1pm - 5pm
Early Vote in Florida starts on Monday, October 20 and runs through Sunday, November 2.
Friday, October 17, 2008
so good i had to eat it twice!
yes it made enough for 2 nights! so delish!!! tonight i warmed the quesadillas up in the oven. it made the ends crispy. YUUMMERS!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Elvis Costello without his glasses
Just had to share this. the song is terrible but this is the only place i've seen him sans specs.
Monday, October 13, 2008
BEYOND creeped out
ok so i told you about my old neighbor chris and how i found him on facebook. and how he's some crazy religious zelick (sp?) missionary who hates obama.
well it just got wayyyy worse.
he just posted this long diatribe about how barack obama is the antichrist. OMG!!! this is so scary!!! people like this not only scare the crap out of me, but they give normal christian people a really bad reputation. people like him are the reason i fear religious people. and it shouldn't be that way. because they're not all scary cookes who preach hate.
if you have facebook here's the link to what he said. its too long to post here. but i will post just the end of his rant. granted i don't know if he wrote it or just reposted it but either way...
"The Anti-Christ will be a man, in his 40s, of MUSLIM descent, who will deceive the nations with persuasive language, and have a MASSIVE Christ-like appeal....the prophecy says that people will flock to him and he will promise false hope and world peace, and when he is in power, he will destroy everything.
And Now:
For the award winning Act of Stupidity Of all times the People of America want to elect, to the most Powerful position on the face of the Planet -- The Presidency of the United states of America ... A Male of Muslim descent who is the most extremely liberal Senator in Congress (in other words an extremist) and in his 40s.
Have the American People completely lost their Minds, or just their Power of Reason ?"
one of the most ridiculous things said here is "A Male of Muslim descent who is the most extremely liberal Senator in Congress (in other words an extremist)" i love how you can just arrange things to make them mean whatever you want. thats what you do with the Bible as well. but anyway, the most liberal senator??? really??? i think not people. if he was so liberal he would never have made it this far.
*update* i made a comment on his note. you can see it if you click on that link. then he imed me on facebook. YIKES!!! i don't like confrontation! especially about politics because i know how passionate people can get. i thought he would rip me a new one. but he was very nice and just said he wanted to straighten something out. he didn't write it. he just thought it was interesting and reposted it. he said "politics huh?" whew! he was very cool. he said he liked things that got people talking. i do too. so i guess we can be friends and disagree without personally attacking each other. thats something i have to work on by the way. if someone has a diff opinion than my own i have to find a way to debate without personally attacking them. thats what republicans do and i don't wanna be like that.
well it just got wayyyy worse.
he just posted this long diatribe about how barack obama is the antichrist. OMG!!! this is so scary!!! people like this not only scare the crap out of me, but they give normal christian people a really bad reputation. people like him are the reason i fear religious people. and it shouldn't be that way. because they're not all scary cookes who preach hate.
if you have facebook here's the link to what he said. its too long to post here. but i will post just the end of his rant. granted i don't know if he wrote it or just reposted it but either way...
"The Anti-Christ will be a man, in his 40s, of MUSLIM descent, who will deceive the nations with persuasive language, and have a MASSIVE Christ-like appeal....the prophecy says that people will flock to him and he will promise false hope and world peace, and when he is in power, he will destroy everything.
And Now:
For the award winning Act of Stupidity Of all times the People of America want to elect, to the most Powerful position on the face of the Planet -- The Presidency of the United states of America ... A Male of Muslim descent who is the most extremely liberal Senator in Congress (in other words an extremist) and in his 40s.
Have the American People completely lost their Minds, or just their Power of Reason ?"
one of the most ridiculous things said here is "A Male of Muslim descent who is the most extremely liberal Senator in Congress (in other words an extremist)" i love how you can just arrange things to make them mean whatever you want. thats what you do with the Bible as well. but anyway, the most liberal senator??? really??? i think not people. if he was so liberal he would never have made it this far.
*update* i made a comment on his note. you can see it if you click on that link. then he imed me on facebook. YIKES!!! i don't like confrontation! especially about politics because i know how passionate people can get. i thought he would rip me a new one. but he was very nice and just said he wanted to straighten something out. he didn't write it. he just thought it was interesting and reposted it. he said "politics huh?" whew! he was very cool. he said he liked things that got people talking. i do too. so i guess we can be friends and disagree without personally attacking each other. thats something i have to work on by the way. if someone has a diff opinion than my own i have to find a way to debate without personally attacking them. thats what republicans do and i don't wanna be like that.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
i love things that look like things
but i especially love things that look like food!
you HAVE to check this out. and see if this doesn't make you CRAVE something sweet. i had to run and get an ice cream bar from looking at this.
keep in mind these are all miniatures.
you HAVE to check this out. and see if this doesn't make you CRAVE something sweet. i had to run and get an ice cream bar from looking at this.
keep in mind these are all miniatures.
Here's what I'm thinking...
Paul Newman was the most beautiful man of the 20th century in America.
I defy you to prove me otherwise. and don't give me any of that Brad Pitt/Tom Cruise bullshit because Newman blows them both out of the water.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Christmas youtube playlist
sorry guys this is just for me to have a place to get this playlist quickly and easily.
just wanted some background music
just wanted some background music
Friday, October 10, 2008
I made corn fritters!
batter
frying
done!
potatoes. the ones in the top left are burnt. why? because i can't smell!!! congestion. so i didn't smell it burning in the oven.
fried chicken from winn dixie. as you can see i couldn't help myself.
final result? YUM!
frying
done!
potatoes. the ones in the top left are burnt. why? because i can't smell!!! congestion. so i didn't smell it burning in the oven.
fried chicken from winn dixie. as you can see i couldn't help myself.
final result? YUM!
Sarah Palin Newsweek Cover- whats all the hubub?
Here's the pic they're talking about. click to see it larger.
really? seriously? peach fuzz? thats it? for an extreme close up i think she looks pretty DAMN good. what the fuck are you people complaining about? get a life. your side is losing and you're grasping at straws. this woman is all but inciting angry mobs at her rallies. getting her peeps so fired up about how evil barack obama is that they yell out shit like "terrorist!" and "kill him!" and she does nothing to reprimand that behavior. and yet this is what you're outraged about?? bitch please.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
really creeped out
i was looking for old friends on facebook and found my old next door neighbor. it turns out he's a missionary now. wow. i never would have thought. i mean this is the kid who used to beat me up when we were little. he was an angry kid and had to take medication to calm him down. but thats not the creepy part.
the creepy part is he's part of a group called "Stop Barack Obama (One Million Strong and Growing)". very scary. its always extremely creepy to see young people like this. not that he's for mccain, thats his choice. but that he thinks barack obama is dangerous or some kind of anti christ, thats so scary.
so here's my dilemma. my first thought is "ew!! delete him now!" but thats not fair. we can still be friendly right? i should give him a chance.
the creepy part is he's part of a group called "Stop Barack Obama (One Million Strong and Growing)". very scary. its always extremely creepy to see young people like this. not that he's for mccain, thats his choice. but that he thinks barack obama is dangerous or some kind of anti christ, thats so scary.
so here's my dilemma. my first thought is "ew!! delete him now!" but thats not fair. we can still be friendly right? i should give him a chance.
Wedding Shadowbox Frame
So...it hasbeen 2 1/2 years since the wedding so i wasn't able to get much. i'm not sure why it took me so g-darn long to do this. all i could get was the wedding invitation, the bridal shower invitation, the bouquet which is all stick because the petals are so dry they fall off at the touch, the boutonniere (also dead) and thats pretty much it. i really wanted to get the popcorn wedding favor and the save the date. so its pretty skimpy and lame but i tried to make it as nice as possible.
and here it is...
and here it is...
sick
defenses are down. the sick is hitting me hard.
yesterday ed said i think i'm getting a cold. and today BAM i got it.
my body's not fully recovered from other things. thats what i think. so i got this one hard. which is ironic because i usually never get sick. its hard for me to get sick even when i try.
had the most confusing sleep. just kept thinking about the debate. everything was about the debate. really annoying. i was hot but cold a the same time. and i couldn't breathe and had to keep blowing my nose.
i know what you're thinking. why not just take nyquil or something. well i was trying not to because between the anti biotics i'm taking for my mouth and the pain killers (and later tylenol) i had to take very regularly during and after my recovery i felt like my body would get immune to pills. i didn't want that to happen. as it is i'm trying not to take any tylenol for the mouth/face pain i occasionally get. i don't want to use it unless its bad. also i took some tylenol earlier today when the sickness hit me like a truck. but fuck it. next time i go to sleep i'll take something. because this is most unpleasant. however its 4am and i'm not sure what to do now. i'm not sleepy but i want to lay down. but my body is so sick of laying down and the blood ends up rushing to my head. ugh...
yesterday ed said i think i'm getting a cold. and today BAM i got it.
my body's not fully recovered from other things. thats what i think. so i got this one hard. which is ironic because i usually never get sick. its hard for me to get sick even when i try.
had the most confusing sleep. just kept thinking about the debate. everything was about the debate. really annoying. i was hot but cold a the same time. and i couldn't breathe and had to keep blowing my nose.
i know what you're thinking. why not just take nyquil or something. well i was trying not to because between the anti biotics i'm taking for my mouth and the pain killers (and later tylenol) i had to take very regularly during and after my recovery i felt like my body would get immune to pills. i didn't want that to happen. as it is i'm trying not to take any tylenol for the mouth/face pain i occasionally get. i don't want to use it unless its bad. also i took some tylenol earlier today when the sickness hit me like a truck. but fuck it. next time i go to sleep i'll take something. because this is most unpleasant. however its 4am and i'm not sure what to do now. i'm not sleepy but i want to lay down. but my body is so sick of laying down and the blood ends up rushing to my head. ugh...
Monday, October 6, 2008
I made turkey meatloaf
first time making this. i think it came out good but it was a little too juicy. i like my meatloaf dryer and crustier.
ingredients: 1 green bell pepper, 1 onion, 1 carton of mushrooms, 3 cloves of garlic, 1 bunch cilantro finely chopped
the other ingredients include soy sauce, worcestershire sauce, bbq sauce, seasoning, and of course turkey.
this is the whole thing in the pan before cooking. bbq sauce on top.
after coming out of the oven. it smelled so good.
the mess.
the finishes product
ingredients: 1 green bell pepper, 1 onion, 1 carton of mushrooms, 3 cloves of garlic, 1 bunch cilantro finely chopped
the other ingredients include soy sauce, worcestershire sauce, bbq sauce, seasoning, and of course turkey.
this is the whole thing in the pan before cooking. bbq sauce on top.
after coming out of the oven. it smelled so good.
the mess.
the finishes product
WHAT??? LAAAMMMMEE!
DAMMIT! i waited ALL weekend to see The View talk about the vice presidential debate only to find that Joy wasn't there. So the conversation was lame! without joy there to antagonize elizabeth it was so anticlimactic. what a let down.
thats like lusting over a hot guy for months and finally getting the chance to sleep with him and he prematurely ejaculates before you even get it in. yeah....its THAT much of a let down.
thats like lusting over a hot guy for months and finally getting the chance to sleep with him and he prematurely ejaculates before you even get it in. yeah....its THAT much of a let down.
transitions
during my transition to adulthood one of the things thats changed is who i talk to. i used to have a lot of online friends. people i never met in real life. but recently, within the last year or so, i've been associating mostly with close family members and a few of my friends. i decided i don't need to surround myself wit anyone who isn't positive. its a waste of energy. so i'm happy to cut those other out of my life and only focus on those who really care about me. Its a small group of people but i talk to them very regularly. its simple. some may think its boring.
today i made it official by cutting out anyone in my myspace whom i've never met or if i have met them, i don't speak to them. with exception of bands i like and one or two people who are important.
my cousins, my sister in law (and nephews and brother in law), a few of my close friends, and of course my parents. and thats all i need! i don't do ims with anyone really. only erika and ed. and i like it that way. i'm alllllll about the email.
i added a new person to the roster. my friend ivonne. we call her big ivonne because she's taller than the other ivonne and older too. we met in high school when she was a senior and i was a freshman. she was like a big sis to me and i loved her. i recently found her on facebook and was so ecstatic. i'm so happy to have her back in my life and so excited to talk to her. the best part is she just found out she's pregnant! so its extra exciting for me. :)
today i made it official by cutting out anyone in my myspace whom i've never met or if i have met them, i don't speak to them. with exception of bands i like and one or two people who are important.
my cousins, my sister in law (and nephews and brother in law), a few of my close friends, and of course my parents. and thats all i need! i don't do ims with anyone really. only erika and ed. and i like it that way. i'm alllllll about the email.
i added a new person to the roster. my friend ivonne. we call her big ivonne because she's taller than the other ivonne and older too. we met in high school when she was a senior and i was a freshman. she was like a big sis to me and i loved her. i recently found her on facebook and was so ecstatic. i'm so happy to have her back in my life and so excited to talk to her. the best part is she just found out she's pregnant! so its extra exciting for me. :)
Elizabeth, making viewers stupider by the minute
"Not only does she make the mistake of not knowing when the Great Depression took place, that is the ONLY example she can find to show that Joe Biden can make a mistake like Sarah Palin. What a joke!!! Palin continuously makes errors and Elizabeth the uses the same Joe Biden example over and over again b/c she can't find anything else to say."
taken from http://www.clevelandleader.com/node/6830
This is exactly what I'm talking about. How many times has she said "Joe Biden said FDR was the president during the depression!" Umm...and he was. If you're gonna make fun of him, get the quote right. He said FDR addressed the American people on the TV after the stock market crash. Well FDR wasn't president during the 1929 crash, and there was no TV back then. So thats 2 wrongs. But how many times does Lizzy wrongly quote him and mock him for saying "Biden thinks FDR was president during the depression". she's making herself look stupid. but the fact that NO ONE at the table corrected her, not once, makes me angry because you're confusing the american people. ed and i were like...wasn't he? i thought he was president then. yeah..didn't he end the depression with The New Deal and WW2? ELIZABETH IS SINGLE HANDEDLY MAKING PEOPLE STUPIDER JUST BY LISTENING TO HER!!
taken from http://www.clevelandleader.com/node/6830
This is exactly what I'm talking about. How many times has she said "Joe Biden said FDR was the president during the depression!" Umm...and he was. If you're gonna make fun of him, get the quote right. He said FDR addressed the American people on the TV after the stock market crash. Well FDR wasn't president during the 1929 crash, and there was no TV back then. So thats 2 wrongs. But how many times does Lizzy wrongly quote him and mock him for saying "Biden thinks FDR was president during the depression". she's making herself look stupid. but the fact that NO ONE at the table corrected her, not once, makes me angry because you're confusing the american people. ed and i were like...wasn't he? i thought he was president then. yeah..didn't he end the depression with The New Deal and WW2? ELIZABETH IS SINGLE HANDEDLY MAKING PEOPLE STUPIDER JUST BY LISTENING TO HER!!
Sunday, October 5, 2008
sigh...
still haven't heard from Sallie Mae yet about the loan. sigh...i hate waiting. I just wanna know. i want to know for sure so i can start planning for school! so i can tell my parents. so i can get excited.
until then i can't put all my eggs in that basket.
until then i can't put all my eggs in that basket.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Song for Sarah Palin
My cousin Alex's band Figghole just made this video for their song "Red, White and MILF"
Thursday, October 2, 2008
now its up to sallie mae
there's a chance i won't get approved for a student loan. in this economy its a pretty significant chance. without this loan i can't go back to school. and then i'm back to my loser life. so...will they approve me??
*fingers crossed*
*fingers crossed*
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
i said i would never go back to school
i STILL have dreams about school. where i panic because i'm new there or because its the end of the semester and i didn't go to my classes and now i'm gonna fail. maybe i have these dreams for a reason. maybe deep down i knew i wasn't done. the thought of taking tests and stuff again....not crazy about it. but as long as i never have to write another fucking paper again then i'm fine.
i toured SAE today. and i have to say i am SO EXCITED!! it seems sooooooo cool!! its so small and intimate and laid back. i mean i feel like this is such a friendly and close environment to learn. i may only have 7-10 ppl in my class. the assignments look super fun. the instructor is super cool and nice and knowledgeable. i mean its just so awesome. i'm sooo excited!!
this is for me. it really is. its perfect. and i will work really hard and i know i will excel. i will. i'm so excited. i would start tomorrow if i could!!
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