Thank God for this blog. There are things I can't say on FB or even twitter. Because too many real life people read it and feel comfortable enough to give me their opinions. Sometimes I don't want your opinions. As a matter of fact unless I specifically ask for your opinion, i don't really want it. What I want to do is just vent.
I have emotional issues. When I was in 9th grade I was in this psychology class and I took a test to see how emotional I am. I got an 80 which meant I was a possible threat to myself or others. LOL really? Anyway I have a problem controlling my emotions. I feel things very deeply and I can't control that. I'm sorry. I can try to control my actions but I can't control how I feel. Its a challenge for me to separate my emotions from my actions and not react. Its harder than you can imagine and i am trying.
Another thing I have to contend with is anxiety. I don't know when it started but the first time I was really conscious of it was in junior college. I get anxiety a lot. People don't understand. They don't know how it feels. They don't understand how the smallest things can trigger it and its very hard to shake. Its not only anxiety for things that make me nervous or scared (like meeting someone new, or going in for an interview, or even getting off at a stop on the subway), but anxiety for things that upset me like confrontation. And being forced to talk to certain people. It makes me so uncomfortable I literally break into a sweat. And don't tell me to go see a doctor for this. What I want is for you to understand. When you see me getting uncomfortable, don't force the issue.
My mom just sent me this long email where i felt attacked, judged, confronted. and i'm still sweating way after the fact. i have to learn to deal with my anxiety and to comfort myself. comforting yourself is hard. when you don't use food. and my husband is not here to hug me and make me feel better. i have no idea how to soothe myself. but thats part of the journey. at least i'm conscious of it and i have to find a way to do it.
a friend told me to get on xanax or some kind of anti-anxiety medication. maybe for moments like this it would help. i dunno.
*update* i may have found a healthy way to deal with the anxiety. working out. i took all that negative energy and just pounded those weights and pounded that elliptical till my muscles couldn't do it anymore. it burned all the negative energy and now i feel better. i might not always be able to use this to cope but for those times when i'm home and have time and access i think its a great way to get those feelings out. :) it also works for when i'm nervous about something thats upcoming.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Not sweating it
Thank you for your comments on my stall you guys. It helped to hear all your support. Fuck the scale. I know I'm doing everything right and this morning I woke up and my tummy felt smaller. It actually felt smaller. I didn't weigh because I refuse to weigh myself more than once a week. But I did measure my waist and I'm down 1/2 and inch from last week. So I'm happy. It might take a while for the scale to catch up but I know I'm doing well. :)
Thanks you guys.
Thanks you guys.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Really Annoyed -_-
Yes my friends i have hit a stall yet again. After doing really well and working out and lifting weights this week i still weigh exactly what i weighed last week. I was soooo looking forward to today.
And now I'm just really annoyed. Its like what else do you want me to do? As it is I hardly eat and what I do eat is high in protein and low in sugar and carbs. I even upped my water intake to 80oz a day! Honestly, there's not much more I can do other than just be on liquids. So I'm not gonna say its my eating, because its absolutely not my eating. I've eaten more food than this and lost weight. I don't know if its TOM (which comes next week) or lifting weights but I can't use those excuses every time I get on the scale and don't see movement. I'm just gonna chalk this one up to, sometimes the scale's gonna move, and sometimes it won't.
Its frustrating that it looks like its gonna take forever to lose these last 40lbs. Sigh...I swear part of me wants to say "you know what? if this is how you're gonna be i'll just have bacon and eggs for breakfast instead of this protein shake!" In the mornings I crave salty and in the evenings I crave sweet. So maybe instead of having the same protein shake every morning I'll just have a salty breakfast and save the protein for the evening. Make it into sugar free pudding maybe. Its a thought. Ugh I'm just really annoyed at the weight gods right now. What more do you want from me?! grr. I just want to keep losing! I want to get rid of this gut. I dreamt about it last night and i've accepted the whole plastic surgery thing. If i can get through WLS I can get through anything. So hurry up and let me lose the weight so I can get there already! sheeeeeesh! ugh.
And now I'm just really annoyed. Its like what else do you want me to do? As it is I hardly eat and what I do eat is high in protein and low in sugar and carbs. I even upped my water intake to 80oz a day! Honestly, there's not much more I can do other than just be on liquids. So I'm not gonna say its my eating, because its absolutely not my eating. I've eaten more food than this and lost weight. I don't know if its TOM (which comes next week) or lifting weights but I can't use those excuses every time I get on the scale and don't see movement. I'm just gonna chalk this one up to, sometimes the scale's gonna move, and sometimes it won't.
Its frustrating that it looks like its gonna take forever to lose these last 40lbs. Sigh...I swear part of me wants to say "you know what? if this is how you're gonna be i'll just have bacon and eggs for breakfast instead of this protein shake!" In the mornings I crave salty and in the evenings I crave sweet. So maybe instead of having the same protein shake every morning I'll just have a salty breakfast and save the protein for the evening. Make it into sugar free pudding maybe. Its a thought. Ugh I'm just really annoyed at the weight gods right now. What more do you want from me?! grr. I just want to keep losing! I want to get rid of this gut. I dreamt about it last night and i've accepted the whole plastic surgery thing. If i can get through WLS I can get through anything. So hurry up and let me lose the weight so I can get there already! sheeeeeesh! ugh.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
people who want to be really really fat.
I'm watching this episode of Tyra with this infamous woman who weighs like 500+lbs and she's trying to get to 1000lbs. sigh..it makes me so sad.
this episode is evoking so many emotions. so forgive me if my thoughts are disjointed.
i look at her and it hurts me. because i remember what it was like. i remember carrying that weight around and how uncomfortable it was and how much it weighed me down.
i remember spending lots of time online sharing pictures of myself with men and getting the validation that i never got from men in real life (other than my husband). i just loved the attention. yes i know the term BBW, i am very familiar with it. i loved myself. i didn't have self loathing. i didn't love being fat, it wasn't my preference, but i didn't look in the mirror and say "you're disgusting".
and she says she hates mobility. hates mobility? and that she doesn't care if it kills her because "we all have to die sometime". she got on the scale and saw she was only 513lbs and got depressed that she didn't weigh more.
the sad part is, she has no self worth. this whole thing is an act. its something she's put on to make herself feel ok with being this unhealthy. she pretends that she wants to be fatter and fatter because she feels helpless. she's convinced herself that its a positive thing. but deep down she is unhappy. she might have other people fooled but not me. the saddest thing of all is that she just had a baby. i think having a baby is sacred. not only should you stop making those exploitative videos online, you should think of your health for your baby's sake. if you care about your child at all, you should take care of yourself. also what kind of fucked up example are you setting for that child? what kind of warped relationship with food will that child have? do you think they want to look back at their mom (who probably died when they were less than 5yrs old) and see those degrading internet videos?
it just makes me soo sad to see people trying to be fat. it does soooo much damage to your body. i'm only 30 and there's so much damage done for being fat all those years. it just makes me so sad. i am so grateful to finally have gotten this chance to lose the weight. i don't know if i can ever explain how grateful i am. i wished for years for some kind of miracle like this. and thank God, i just thank God for this surgery. i used to watch shows about really obese (hate that word) people like 500lbs or more. and i used to think, am i that fat? am i getting there? and now i'm so grateful that i don't have to think that anymore. but i still feel for these people. so much.
it took me a long time to understand how much damage my weight was doing to my body. i was in denial because i was in pretty good health. my body is strong, its a trooper. its time i started treating it right.
i'm not saying you should strive to be thin or that people have to be thin to be attractive. NOT AT ALL. i think curves are beautiful, as long as you're healthy. its about so much more than looks. i didn't do this for looks (though it is a plus) i did this for my future children. life is just so much better when you're not weighed down by fat.
ok i'm done.
this episode is evoking so many emotions. so forgive me if my thoughts are disjointed.
i look at her and it hurts me. because i remember what it was like. i remember carrying that weight around and how uncomfortable it was and how much it weighed me down.
i remember spending lots of time online sharing pictures of myself with men and getting the validation that i never got from men in real life (other than my husband). i just loved the attention. yes i know the term BBW, i am very familiar with it. i loved myself. i didn't have self loathing. i didn't love being fat, it wasn't my preference, but i didn't look in the mirror and say "you're disgusting".
and she says she hates mobility. hates mobility? and that she doesn't care if it kills her because "we all have to die sometime". she got on the scale and saw she was only 513lbs and got depressed that she didn't weigh more.
the sad part is, she has no self worth. this whole thing is an act. its something she's put on to make herself feel ok with being this unhealthy. she pretends that she wants to be fatter and fatter because she feels helpless. she's convinced herself that its a positive thing. but deep down she is unhappy. she might have other people fooled but not me. the saddest thing of all is that she just had a baby. i think having a baby is sacred. not only should you stop making those exploitative videos online, you should think of your health for your baby's sake. if you care about your child at all, you should take care of yourself. also what kind of fucked up example are you setting for that child? what kind of warped relationship with food will that child have? do you think they want to look back at their mom (who probably died when they were less than 5yrs old) and see those degrading internet videos?
it just makes me soo sad to see people trying to be fat. it does soooo much damage to your body. i'm only 30 and there's so much damage done for being fat all those years. it just makes me so sad. i am so grateful to finally have gotten this chance to lose the weight. i don't know if i can ever explain how grateful i am. i wished for years for some kind of miracle like this. and thank God, i just thank God for this surgery. i used to watch shows about really obese (hate that word) people like 500lbs or more. and i used to think, am i that fat? am i getting there? and now i'm so grateful that i don't have to think that anymore. but i still feel for these people. so much.
it took me a long time to understand how much damage my weight was doing to my body. i was in denial because i was in pretty good health. my body is strong, its a trooper. its time i started treating it right.
i'm not saying you should strive to be thin or that people have to be thin to be attractive. NOT AT ALL. i think curves are beautiful, as long as you're healthy. its about so much more than looks. i didn't do this for looks (though it is a plus) i did this for my future children. life is just so much better when you're not weighed down by fat.
ok i'm done.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
The Truth about Special K
Did you know Special K has high fructose corn syrup in it? :( I love Special K. I hardly ever eat it though but every once in a while when I crave some carbs i'll have a cup.
What do you think? Does this make a difference to you? Will you still eat it? If Special K uses high fructose corn syrup you should be aware that other Special K products (protein drinks, bars) could use it too.
What do you think? Does this make a difference to you? Will you still eat it? If Special K uses high fructose corn syrup you should be aware that other Special K products (protein drinks, bars) could use it too.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
you know what i miss?
when i was first looking into wls i remember Amy W. (Once Upon A Time...In the Land of Cheese and Sunkist ) saying how she missed eating cinnamon rolls. and i have to say that really worried me. i thought...what? never able to eat another cinnamon roll? i don't want to live that way! personally, i know i can eat a cinnamon roll. it might just be a piece but i have comfort in knowing i'm not deprived of anything.
however there are some things i can't eat just because they don't go down right or get stuck. like tuna. i used to eat tuna a lot. i loved it. especially with crackers. but now it just goes down and gets stuck. but then i think oh well at least i won't have to worry about giving it up when i'm preggers. lol. same for sushi. i loved sushi rolls but i don't eat them because a. i avoid rice and b. i'm afraid it'll get stuck. but thats ok because there are so many other options at sushi places.
eggs? real eggs? they go down like cement. but i ate egg whites before surgery so i'm just fine with my egg whites.
bread. i try to avoid it. but every once in a while i will indulge but i have to be careful. i'm a carboholic and bread was my poison.
what i miss is sandwiches. nothing like a great sandwich. but sadly i can't really eat sandwiches now. why? because lunch meats get stuck and the bread is just too much. i can only get down a bite or 2 and its not even worth it. i'd rather eat a slice or 2 of cheese. so i kinda miss being able to have a sandwich on crusty doughy bread.
is there anything you miss?
however there are some things i can't eat just because they don't go down right or get stuck. like tuna. i used to eat tuna a lot. i loved it. especially with crackers. but now it just goes down and gets stuck. but then i think oh well at least i won't have to worry about giving it up when i'm preggers. lol. same for sushi. i loved sushi rolls but i don't eat them because a. i avoid rice and b. i'm afraid it'll get stuck. but thats ok because there are so many other options at sushi places.
eggs? real eggs? they go down like cement. but i ate egg whites before surgery so i'm just fine with my egg whites.
bread. i try to avoid it. but every once in a while i will indulge but i have to be careful. i'm a carboholic and bread was my poison.
what i miss is sandwiches. nothing like a great sandwich. but sadly i can't really eat sandwiches now. why? because lunch meats get stuck and the bread is just too much. i can only get down a bite or 2 and its not even worth it. i'd rather eat a slice or 2 of cheese. so i kinda miss being able to have a sandwich on crusty doughy bread.
is there anything you miss?
March goal
March 25th is me and my husband's 5yr anniversary. We've been together 12 yrs, married for 5. I wanted to do something special because we never do anything. We're huge homebodies. And everytime I try to plan something I always end up going ah forget it because it never seems worth the money. But this year i wanted to do something special. I mean 5 yrs is a milestone and I wanted to have some nice memories. Plus its also a kind of celebration for all my hard work and kind of like a mini 2nd honeymoon.
So after trying lots of different things I finally settled on a weekend cruise. I'm kind of excited about it. We've been on cruises before but never been on a Royal Caribbean cruise before. And now I have so much more energy so I'm really looking forward to enjoying it more this time. It will be a little bit of a challenge though. I eat so little and so frequently so i'm a little worried about what will be available. But I guess what I'm most worried about is getting all my waters in. I find that when I'm busy out and about I forget to drink my waters. And in the heat it will be REALLY crucial that I get all my waters in. So that will have to be something I stay on top of. I'm not worried about actual food selection because I can make healthy choices. They have tons of selection. Plus if I indulge it will only be a little. I have to make sure that I don't, however, just eat french fries and pizza like i did last time i went on a cruise. And as good as I am at the way I eat, I have to admit that if someone puts a pizza in front of me I will eat it. Lol. So yeah there's gonna be a slice eaten here or there but I can't make those my regular meals. I'm bringing my banana cream pudding protein powder. Which is perfect! It tastes so tropical. I can picture myself drinking my shake on the pool deck with the wind in my hair. so lovely. I know i'm gonna splurge. But I also know its not gonna be over the top. But i'll report back and let you guys know.
So after trying lots of different things I finally settled on a weekend cruise. I'm kind of excited about it. We've been on cruises before but never been on a Royal Caribbean cruise before. And now I have so much more energy so I'm really looking forward to enjoying it more this time. It will be a little bit of a challenge though. I eat so little and so frequently so i'm a little worried about what will be available. But I guess what I'm most worried about is getting all my waters in. I find that when I'm busy out and about I forget to drink my waters. And in the heat it will be REALLY crucial that I get all my waters in. So that will have to be something I stay on top of. I'm not worried about actual food selection because I can make healthy choices. They have tons of selection. Plus if I indulge it will only be a little. I have to make sure that I don't, however, just eat french fries and pizza like i did last time i went on a cruise. And as good as I am at the way I eat, I have to admit that if someone puts a pizza in front of me I will eat it. Lol. So yeah there's gonna be a slice eaten here or there but I can't make those my regular meals. I'm bringing my banana cream pudding protein powder. Which is perfect! It tastes so tropical. I can picture myself drinking my shake on the pool deck with the wind in my hair. so lovely. I know i'm gonna splurge. But I also know its not gonna be over the top. But i'll report back and let you guys know.
I just bought a new bathing suit
And between that and the clothes my hubby got for me at old navy i'm all set! its so nice to have pants and shorts that aren't falling off all the time. I even got a skirt! did i show you guys? i don't even remember the last time i wore a skirt that wasn't to my ankles.
Anyway right now I weigh 182.5lbs. I feel like I'm a week behind because of that stall last week. Which bugs me. Because I set a new goal for myself. By March 25th (my anniversary and the day we leave for the cruise), I want to be 175lbs. I only have 5 weeks and who knows at this point if i'll be able to make it. i don't know if i'll stall or what. i know i'm not losing as quickly as before. my normal range of weightloss has always been .5lbs-2lbs. for a couple weeks there i was losing 2lbs per week which was awesome! but now last week it was .5 and this week it was 1.5. which i really shouldn't complain about because its still in that same range but i guess the more you lose the faster you want to keep losing. anyway i'm going to bust my ass to make it to my goal. i've been slacking with workouts lately. i eat so little that it really didn't matter, the weight was coming off anyway, but i wanna kick it up a notch. i got some new workout shorts (my other ones were falling off!) and finally some sports bras (sadly my old bras are way too big for me now) and i'm ready to get back into it. having new stuff kinda motivates you to do it more. in fact i woke up this morning (sunday) and threw on my new gym clothes and i'm sitting here drinking my banana cream shake and preparing for the gym.
gotta kick ass if i wanna make it to 175lbs by march 25th. thats my goal! i'm putting it out to the universe. let's make it happen.
Friday, February 18, 2011
I have a question for you guys about vitamins
Who takes gummy vitamins? Are they approved by your doc? How much sugar do they have?
Also, what kind of multivitamin do you use? what brand?
i'm dying to get off these fucking chewables.
Also, what kind of multivitamin do you use? what brand?
i'm dying to get off these fucking chewables.
wooooow
I swear. Just because people know about my surgery they feel like they have the right to be all up in my business!!
My parents are always drilling me about if I'm losing weight (why wouldn't i be? i have been for the past 6 months), if i'm exercising, and if so what i'm doing. and when i tell them, they're not happy with that answer. "wii fit isn't walking, its not the gym, its jutst walking in place" are you fucking serious??? you're fatter than me!! and what are you doing??? NOTHING. you've never even played wii fit. you don't even know what it entails you jerk. i get a workout from that, my arms get sore from that. so fuck you. why are you all up in my grill? jesus christ! worry about YOURSELF!! i don't ask you what you're doing. or why YOU're not losing weight. jesus. you didn't pay for my surgery. you don't own my new stomach. i don't have to report to you.
and thats just my parents.
i have family members and such putting their 2 cents in too. i feel like because i told people about my surgery i somehow opened the door for everyone to be concerned with every single thing i do. ummm..why is everyone so concerned about me? maybe you should worry about yourselves. i'm focusing on improving MYSELF. maybe you guys should do the same. stop worrying about me and worry about yourself. you don't see me all up in your business. none of you are perfect. maybe when you're all done improving yourselves and making yourselves perfect maybe then you can say something to me.
and i wanna tell people this but i don't know how without offending them. i tried telling my parents something. but they countered with "but we just care about you. look. if you want to know whether i'm still losing, look at me. you can tell. and thats it. its like they're waiting for me to fail and so they keep asking and checking and checking. and its pissing me the fuck off. you're not there everyday. you don't see how i live my life. if you'd pay attention you'd see i eat great, i'm doing great. but i don't feel the need to explain myself or answer your surveys about every little thing i'm doing. its insulting.
lay off. if you want to know what i'm doing, pay attention. spend more time with me. observe. but stop it with the fucking questions and the fucking opinions that no one asked you for.
My parents are always drilling me about if I'm losing weight (why wouldn't i be? i have been for the past 6 months), if i'm exercising, and if so what i'm doing. and when i tell them, they're not happy with that answer. "wii fit isn't walking, its not the gym, its jutst walking in place" are you fucking serious??? you're fatter than me!! and what are you doing??? NOTHING. you've never even played wii fit. you don't even know what it entails you jerk. i get a workout from that, my arms get sore from that. so fuck you. why are you all up in my grill? jesus christ! worry about YOURSELF!! i don't ask you what you're doing. or why YOU're not losing weight. jesus. you didn't pay for my surgery. you don't own my new stomach. i don't have to report to you.
and thats just my parents.
i have family members and such putting their 2 cents in too. i feel like because i told people about my surgery i somehow opened the door for everyone to be concerned with every single thing i do. ummm..why is everyone so concerned about me? maybe you should worry about yourselves. i'm focusing on improving MYSELF. maybe you guys should do the same. stop worrying about me and worry about yourself. you don't see me all up in your business. none of you are perfect. maybe when you're all done improving yourselves and making yourselves perfect maybe then you can say something to me.
and i wanna tell people this but i don't know how without offending them. i tried telling my parents something. but they countered with "but we just care about you. look. if you want to know whether i'm still losing, look at me. you can tell. and thats it. its like they're waiting for me to fail and so they keep asking and checking and checking. and its pissing me the fuck off. you're not there everyday. you don't see how i live my life. if you'd pay attention you'd see i eat great, i'm doing great. but i don't feel the need to explain myself or answer your surveys about every little thing i'm doing. its insulting.
lay off. if you want to know what i'm doing, pay attention. spend more time with me. observe. but stop it with the fucking questions and the fucking opinions that no one asked you for.
I tried the chocolate coconut flavor
I have to say I was disappointed. It just tasted like chocolate milk. I couldn't taste the coconut at all really. And I'm not a fan of chocolate milk at all. If you are, you'll probably like this but if not you probably won't. And if you're hoping this will taste like a mounds bar you will be sorely disappointed.
Friday weigh in
the scale moved. whew! 1.5lbs. but i'm a little annoyed because i'm a week behind where i wanted to be. i think there will be some nights where i'll drink a protein shake for dinner as well.
man i guess you get addicted to the lbs dropping man. because i tasted it and i want more.
man i guess you get addicted to the lbs dropping man. because i tasted it and i want more.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
HOLY SHISHKABOB!!!
I got my 2 new protein powders today. Same BSN Lean Protein brand but this time I got Banana creme pudding flavor and Chocolate coconut candy bar flavor. I got them from amazon for like $17 each but they have free shipping for orders above $25 so it was a deal to get them both. Cheaper than allstarhealth.com. But if you're just getting one tub i would go with allstarhealth.com. shipping and tax and all it will come out to $20 on there.
anyway i opened them both up. the chocolate one smelled nice and chocolately. the banana one smelled OMG sooo good. it smelled like that medicine my mom used to give me as a kid. do you guys remember those? the pharmacist will mix kids medicine with bubble gum flavor or banana flavor so the kid will want to take it? well i always loved the banana one. it also smells like a banana popsicle. omg i was like i HAVE to drink this. it didn't even have a protein smell or any strong smell other than loveliness!
so i made it in the shaker cup. wow. this stuff came out SO creamy and thick. imagine if you put it in the blender. i didn't have to put any syrups or anything in here. there's no funky taste. no after taste. just deliciousness. wow. i'm blown away!! i love having all this selection of good tasting protein powder. these are very very filling. i think if i tried to drink this in the first month after surgery i wouldn't be able too. i wouldn't be able to handle it. but i'm able to tolerate a lot more now. like before i couldn't handle ANY bubbles. so no blender, not even a shaker cup.
omg this shake is soooo good!! i love the cinnamon one but this one is even better. i wonder how the chocolate coconut one will be! :)
anyway i opened them both up. the chocolate one smelled nice and chocolately. the banana one smelled OMG sooo good. it smelled like that medicine my mom used to give me as a kid. do you guys remember those? the pharmacist will mix kids medicine with bubble gum flavor or banana flavor so the kid will want to take it? well i always loved the banana one. it also smells like a banana popsicle. omg i was like i HAVE to drink this. it didn't even have a protein smell or any strong smell other than loveliness!
so i made it in the shaker cup. wow. this stuff came out SO creamy and thick. imagine if you put it in the blender. i didn't have to put any syrups or anything in here. there's no funky taste. no after taste. just deliciousness. wow. i'm blown away!! i love having all this selection of good tasting protein powder. these are very very filling. i think if i tried to drink this in the first month after surgery i wouldn't be able too. i wouldn't be able to handle it. but i'm able to tolerate a lot more now. like before i couldn't handle ANY bubbles. so no blender, not even a shaker cup.
omg this shake is soooo good!! i love the cinnamon one but this one is even better. i wonder how the chocolate coconut one will be! :)
Friday, February 11, 2011
stall :(
well i weighed myself right when i woke up and i weighed the same as last week. then i went back to bed and when i woke up again i weighed again. i was .5lb less than before. so technically its a loss but still. whats going on? i was getting such great numbers! now i'm not gonna freak out too much. because its only one week. it could be a number of things. I've been eating the same way as previous weeks. which is what makes it frustrating. we'll see what happens next week.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Friday weigh in update
So guess what? I not only reached my March 25th goal, I passed it! w00t w00t!
Last week I was 187 (the week before that i was 189.5) and today i'm 184.5. My goal was to be 186lbs which is the weight i was when i met my husband 12 yrs ago in march. woohooo!!!
I gotta tell ya I'm loving these numbers. Especially after having been in a little stall after the holidays. and I owe it ALL to this new protein powder. It's serious. I'm just too full now. All I eat pretty much is cheese, peanuts, garbanzo beans, greek yogurt and water. Occasionally I'll have a bite or two of something I cook for dinner but its getting to the point where there's no point in cooking dinner. Despite not eating meals I'm very satiated and full even. Its a bit of a struggle now to even get my waters in.
I'm starting to see changes in my arms. Which is interesting because I hadn't seen much in my arms. I mean i've been lifting weights even before surgery but now it seems some of the fat is starting to melt away and i can start to see some definition. it might be all the Wii rhythm kung fu. my arms and back always feel sore after i do that. and i hear using your own body weight helps you get sculpted. i still have a long way to go. but i def see improvements. also my but is looking better too :) squats.
for the first time i'm having a little inkling of hope that maybe some parts of my body will bounce back and look decent. my arms are questionable but there is a chance. my ass i'm not worried about. its really improving. my boobs are saggy and sad but i can live with that. my problem areas are my gut, my upper thighs and my back boobs. the gut and thighs will have to get the snip snip for sure. my back is not nearly as saggy or stretched out but there just seems to be sooo much of it. when i try to get my shoulders blades to touch i can feel the folds of skin on my back. its gross. i'm hoping that with weight loss it shrinks back there. its such a strange feeling to be fat in your back and its taking forever to go away.
the thought of plastic surgery scares the crap out of me so i'm hoping for as much natural shrinkage as i can get.
In the meantime I'm loving the weight loss! i had to throw out all my old pajama pants and buy new ones. its so nice to wear pants that aren't falling off. which reminds me..i need new regular pants. which sucks because i'm 5'0 so i have to get them hemmed. a waste of money bc i just need a new pair after a month. and i bought some new tees at old navy yesterday.
This weekend my sis in law and brother in law are coming over for the weekend! i'm so excited!!
see the thing about food now is that certain foods are so not worth it to me. especially now that i can't hardly eat. whatever it is i'll only eat a few bites. so i'm not gonna stress about it. just gonna make sure i have my snacks on me at all times. :)
HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!!
Last week I was 187 (the week before that i was 189.5) and today i'm 184.5. My goal was to be 186lbs which is the weight i was when i met my husband 12 yrs ago in march. woohooo!!!
I gotta tell ya I'm loving these numbers. Especially after having been in a little stall after the holidays. and I owe it ALL to this new protein powder. It's serious. I'm just too full now. All I eat pretty much is cheese, peanuts, garbanzo beans, greek yogurt and water. Occasionally I'll have a bite or two of something I cook for dinner but its getting to the point where there's no point in cooking dinner. Despite not eating meals I'm very satiated and full even. Its a bit of a struggle now to even get my waters in.
I'm starting to see changes in my arms. Which is interesting because I hadn't seen much in my arms. I mean i've been lifting weights even before surgery but now it seems some of the fat is starting to melt away and i can start to see some definition. it might be all the Wii rhythm kung fu. my arms and back always feel sore after i do that. and i hear using your own body weight helps you get sculpted. i still have a long way to go. but i def see improvements. also my but is looking better too :) squats.
for the first time i'm having a little inkling of hope that maybe some parts of my body will bounce back and look decent. my arms are questionable but there is a chance. my ass i'm not worried about. its really improving. my boobs are saggy and sad but i can live with that. my problem areas are my gut, my upper thighs and my back boobs. the gut and thighs will have to get the snip snip for sure. my back is not nearly as saggy or stretched out but there just seems to be sooo much of it. when i try to get my shoulders blades to touch i can feel the folds of skin on my back. its gross. i'm hoping that with weight loss it shrinks back there. its such a strange feeling to be fat in your back and its taking forever to go away.
the thought of plastic surgery scares the crap out of me so i'm hoping for as much natural shrinkage as i can get.
In the meantime I'm loving the weight loss! i had to throw out all my old pajama pants and buy new ones. its so nice to wear pants that aren't falling off. which reminds me..i need new regular pants. which sucks because i'm 5'0 so i have to get them hemmed. a waste of money bc i just need a new pair after a month. and i bought some new tees at old navy yesterday.
This weekend my sis in law and brother in law are coming over for the weekend! i'm so excited!!
see the thing about food now is that certain foods are so not worth it to me. especially now that i can't hardly eat. whatever it is i'll only eat a few bites. so i'm not gonna stress about it. just gonna make sure i have my snacks on me at all times. :)
HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
i'll do the cooking for you
Ok so i'm always posting pics of what i cook and my friends are always saying i should write a cook book or that they wanna hire me to cook for them. so i said why not and i created this website. http://melicooks.weebly.com/
i figured why not because i'm not having any luck finding work, i love to cook (i'm obsessed) so why not make a little pocket money? its not like i'm doing anything else with my time. i always want people to come over so i can cook for them, might as well get some money out of it.
i figured why not because i'm not having any luck finding work, i love to cook (i'm obsessed) so why not make a little pocket money? its not like i'm doing anything else with my time. i always want people to come over so i can cook for them, might as well get some money out of it.
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