anxiety

god i have the worst anxiety. its really kind of crippling. it stops me from doing a lot of things. lots of activities, meeting new people, pursuing goals. i hide away in my apt where its safe. i never go out of my comfort zone. and when i attempt to i get so upset to the point where i'm visibly shaken and on the verge of tears. it really holds me back in life. i think its part of the reason i am the way i am and why i have the life i do.

even if i found out that someone wanted me to be on a tv show or in a movie i would be excited for 5 min and then a title wave of anxiety would wash over me and i would say "forget it. forget it. i don't wanna do it. nevermind."

i mean i get these attacks. i remember being on the T in boston and knowing my stop was coming up next and i would get this anxiety attack. why?? because i might miss it and go too far in the other direction? whats the problem? when i would get called on in school...even in college it would be like i was suffocating. and when i know someone other than friend or family is gonna call (business related, interview, something serious) i get super nervous. and don't get me started on doctor appointments. my stomach starts hurting and its just bad.

i look for excuses anywhere to not do most things. i'm afraid of failure. i'm afraid of success. i'm afraid of anything thats hard or uncomfortable or puts me on the spot.

there's no end to this entry.

more cookies

banana oatmeal cookies


these have raisins and walnuts



these have coconut, white chocolate chips and macadamian nuts

i'm happy

i feel so good about myself lately. the other day i woke up and i felt really sexy and beautiful. it was awesome. i hope to feel more days like that. :)

guess what

It was 10 yrs ago today that I graduated high school.

Food: cookies and more

Ok soo...I've been making things from recipes lately.

The other day I noticed I have some bananas that were going brown and I didn't wanna just toss them. So I went online to look for recipes for ripe bananas. I found one for some healthy banana cookies.

Banana Oatmeal Cookies. The ingredients are simple.

ripe bananas
oil
vanilla extract
oatmeal
raisins
dried apricot

no added sugar. healthy cookies. :)

They came out very soft and they taste JUST like banana bread!! mmmm delicious!!!

I didn't take pictures of them when they were fresh out of the oven. I wrapped them all up individually but here's a pic of one of them.


ok ok now look what else I made last night. This recipe is from Thanksgiving but I got into the habit recently of making it just to have throughout the week. as a side dish, or just as a snack.

Green beans with caramelized onions and toasted sliced almonds. YUMM-O

all you need is

fresh green beans
1 onion (sliced thin)
sliced almonds
olive oil
unsalted butter



here's a little something i made the other day

soy chicken nuggets, asparagus, sweet potato fries and alexia fries (baked in the oven, no trans fat) yummy meal.

i PROMISE i'll be better by christmas

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