half my heart is in miami and half my heart is in boston. and no matter what i do i'll always be missing half my heart.
the decision to move here wasn't easy. we have a lot of things that are easier for us down here. but this city has no character. i regret so many adventures i never had. and there were so many to have in that amazing city. but we had no one to have them with. which is why we didn't have them. not the best excuse but an honest one. i wish there could be a happy medium. i really do. miami is empty. it leaves me hollow. i have friends and family and thats it. we have yet to find people "like us". i doubt we ever will. i'm too cool for his city. but what can i do?
my heart will always hurt for you boston.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
my writing
someone once criticized my writing by saying it was sloppy and improper. i don't write well. first of all i use all lowercase. i use ellipses (...) all the time. i wrote in run on sentences. all sorts of stuff.
but someone else told me that i write the way i talk. i think that makes me relatable and fun to read. some people get it and really like it. some don't.
but someone else told me that i write the way i talk. i think that makes me relatable and fun to read. some people get it and really like it. some don't.
Friday, November 7, 2008
The "Thank God I'm Not Pregnant!" Dream
I was so relieved when i woke up today. and you may be surprised to know why.
i only remember little snippets of my dream so i can't explain it very well but here it goes.
DREAM:
i had missed my period. i went with my friends to my gyno. she said i wasn't pregnant yet, but to give it some time and if my period didn't come in the next couple of weeks i'd be pregnant.
that turned into me thinking i was pregnant. no one made any fuss at all. i sat and had a convo with my mom. she asked me if i was showing. i said i felt like i was showing but its hard to tell on me. i told her i was upset because no one was making a big deal. she said its because it wasn't really my baby. i was having it for that lesbian over there. i said but it IS my baby! i'm gonna raise it with her. i'll be its mother. so i deserve some excitement from people. but i felt really sad and worried. this is not how i wanted it to happen. not like this. not now. i didn't want to have a baby with a lesbian. i'm not a lesbian. i want to have a baby with ed! oh no what did i get myself into? oh god its too late now, there's nothing i can do. then my mom asked "are you sure you're pregnant?" and i remembered back to the gyno apt. she never actually said i was pregnant. in fact she said i wasn't yet. THANK GOD!!!! I'M NOT PREGNANT!!! and then i woke up beaming from ear to ear. never so glad to not be knocked up.
explanations:
1. i had a conversation with my friend yesterday. i told her i got off the pill and i haven't gotten my period yet. she said to give it a few months for my body to reboot itself. but she also said a friend of hers got off the pill and got pregnant the same month. so that explains the gyno apt in my dream.
2. the lesbian thing is a product of all this Prop 8 stuff i've been seeing everywhere. Last night before i went to sleep there was something on the news about these 2 lesbians that had gotten married before the prop was passed.
3. not being ready for a baby. not wanting it like this. this doesn't mean that i don't want a baby or that i'm in some way not ready to be a parent. this is because i talked to ed about being worried that with the new school loan and school that if something happened and i got pregnant now it would ruin everything. we're taking a financial risk and we have no wiggle room for error here. i can't let anything get me off course. i want to have a baby when i've completed my tasks and i can relax and enjoy pregnancy. i can't do that now. i'm focused on school. i want to do things the right way.
so there you go. i just had to share.
i only remember little snippets of my dream so i can't explain it very well but here it goes.
DREAM:
i had missed my period. i went with my friends to my gyno. she said i wasn't pregnant yet, but to give it some time and if my period didn't come in the next couple of weeks i'd be pregnant.
that turned into me thinking i was pregnant. no one made any fuss at all. i sat and had a convo with my mom. she asked me if i was showing. i said i felt like i was showing but its hard to tell on me. i told her i was upset because no one was making a big deal. she said its because it wasn't really my baby. i was having it for that lesbian over there. i said but it IS my baby! i'm gonna raise it with her. i'll be its mother. so i deserve some excitement from people. but i felt really sad and worried. this is not how i wanted it to happen. not like this. not now. i didn't want to have a baby with a lesbian. i'm not a lesbian. i want to have a baby with ed! oh no what did i get myself into? oh god its too late now, there's nothing i can do. then my mom asked "are you sure you're pregnant?" and i remembered back to the gyno apt. she never actually said i was pregnant. in fact she said i wasn't yet. THANK GOD!!!! I'M NOT PREGNANT!!! and then i woke up beaming from ear to ear. never so glad to not be knocked up.
explanations:
1. i had a conversation with my friend yesterday. i told her i got off the pill and i haven't gotten my period yet. she said to give it a few months for my body to reboot itself. but she also said a friend of hers got off the pill and got pregnant the same month. so that explains the gyno apt in my dream.
2. the lesbian thing is a product of all this Prop 8 stuff i've been seeing everywhere. Last night before i went to sleep there was something on the news about these 2 lesbians that had gotten married before the prop was passed.
3. not being ready for a baby. not wanting it like this. this doesn't mean that i don't want a baby or that i'm in some way not ready to be a parent. this is because i talked to ed about being worried that with the new school loan and school that if something happened and i got pregnant now it would ruin everything. we're taking a financial risk and we have no wiggle room for error here. i can't let anything get me off course. i want to have a baby when i've completed my tasks and i can relax and enjoy pregnancy. i can't do that now. i'm focused on school. i want to do things the right way.
so there you go. i just had to share.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Barack Obama is our new President
I have never in my life been more proud to be an American. As a matter of fact I don't think I ever had a "proud to be an American" moment. We hadn't done much for me to be proud of. Especially with Bush in the white house. But today I was actually proud.
I will never forget as long as i live where i was when Barack Obama was elected president. I will never forget it. I was here in my apt in coral gables with my husband, my best friend jenny, my friend adrian, my friend ivonne (boncha) and her husband Joel. Today my friend Adrian blew me away when he said that he voted for Obama. This is a guy that I have argued with over and over. He refused to vote. And yet somehow, out of the blue, he went out and voted at the last minute. This act reinforced my faith in people.
The fact that Obama won in Florida is so astoundingly significant. This means things are starting to change.
I will tell my children where i was, show them pictures, tell them stories. I am so fortunate to live in this time.
I'm proud of my fellow Americans. I'm proud of YOU!
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Election Day
OMG you guys!! the day has finally come!!! its been so long in the making. frankly we're all sick of the politics and the fighting i'm sure. i was appalled to find out how many friends and acquaintances were not voting. i don't understand how anyone could not care. i just can't fathom that. this has caused me to get into heated conversations with people and its just not worth it. i can't change their minds. i just have to mind my own business.
its just weird how you've been close to these people and you don't even know where they stand politically. i just want this to be over so i can be friends with them again! lol. once barack is in office i can let them off the hook. pero si gana mccain, preparate! they're all gonna hear it from me.
i understand apathy at 20. but at nearly 30? its just sad. ignorance is never cute.
anyway whatever today is the day and i'm optimistic. getting the apt ready for my election party. a party at which probably only one of my guests will have voted. but whatever. can't wait!!! i've never had a party here before. probably only 1 or 2 will show but whatever.
GO OBAMA!!!!
its just weird how you've been close to these people and you don't even know where they stand politically. i just want this to be over so i can be friends with them again! lol. once barack is in office i can let them off the hook. pero si gana mccain, preparate! they're all gonna hear it from me.
i understand apathy at 20. but at nearly 30? its just sad. ignorance is never cute.
anyway whatever today is the day and i'm optimistic. getting the apt ready for my election party. a party at which probably only one of my guests will have voted. but whatever. can't wait!!! i've never had a party here before. probably only 1 or 2 will show but whatever.
GO OBAMA!!!!
Monday, November 3, 2008
SNL does The View!!! hahaha!!
EVEN MORE LOLS!!! THEY DO KEITH OLBERMAN! this is only funny if you watch his show. and i've been watching it a lot thanks to ed.
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