Another dream

This one was troubling. I had a dream where I had a baby but I didn't remember being pregnant. My boobs didn't even get bigger. It wanted to feed, so i gave it a breast and nothing came out. I wanted to give the baby a bath so i put it in a little tub looking thing but it was shaped wrong so when i walked away to get the soap the baby slipped into the water and started to go under. i ran to get it. my god...i was a terrible mom. everything felt so awkward and i had no maternal sense at all!! and i was doing it by myself. i kept trying to put the baby down to grab something but then something would happen to the baby. i didn't have enough hands. ed was there but for some reason he wasn't any help. he just stayed out of it. there i was with this baby and i didn't feel anything inside. and i felt jipped for not having a pregnancy.

now...at first glance this seems like some kind of i'm-not-ready-to-have-a-baby dream. but its never that literal. so i thought about it. i think its about ed and his job. he's talking about moving on from this job and starting his own thing. which i find exciting. i'm totally supportive of that. but there is definitely the worry in the back of my mind about how we'll get by. i'm not only not bringing in money but i'm paying like 3 diff school payments. so i'm really worried. because we have no wiggle room. i can't leave school and get a job. i can't do anything. i'm stuck doing this till october. even though i think he's level headed and he's always been good with money. i still have that worry in the back of my mind. thats probably what caused the dream. its something i'm excited about (ed starting his own thing) but i'm not ready for it (because i'm still in school) and i can't do it on my own (support us) because i suck at it. i don't think it has to do with babies. except maybe that i hope i don't get pregnant before october because then we'd be doubly screwed.

Accidental Art

I was messing with my old version of photoshop and i went online and downloaded a bunch of free brushes. very cool. so i fiddled with some and with a few clicks i made this. thought it was pretty and worth saving.

For those of you who are wondering what i'm learning in class

SPLAKOW!!!


granted this is just me fooling around on photoshop elements. which is an OLD version of photoshop that i have. the one i use in school has way more tools. Photoshop elements is to Photoshop CS4 what the Flintstones were to the Jetsons.

What keeps me going

last night i had a vision, a dream really, of ed sitting on the couch next to me with a little tiny baby curled up on his chest. it was the most beautiful thing i'd ever seen. words can't even express how it felt to see that. and i woke up today thinking thats it. whenever things get too hectic i'll just remember that picture in my head. thats what its all about. all the stress, all the lack of sleep, all the struggle of the next 8 months is all for that. one day my dream will come true. and will all have been worth it.

sigh...

this week has been so crazy. 3 day week, its gonna be easy right? WRONG. it was bad man. if the rest of school is like this i'll likely have a stroke or get really sick or something.

back to work!

back to the business. this week is gonna be crazy for both ed and i. i feel like we're killing it. we're both working really hard. and it works because we're both busy. i feel like all this hard work will pay off soon. we're each others rocks. i love the way he looks at me when i talk shop. :)

by the way i had my 2nd test today. i got an A.

Valentines Weekend

This was great weekend!!! Lots of stuff happened. Here's a recap.

Friday night we had the Comedy Crosswalk where I was a guest artist! They showed my video "Asleep in the Car" and it was a big hit! Everyone loved it!



It was fun having my parents and my grandmother there. Then after me, ed, jenny, adrian, and some others went to Sergios. It was fun. Great Night.

Saurday I made ed a Valentines Day breakfast. Chocolate chip pancakes, bagel, eggs, hash brown.


Then that night we went to my parents house for my grandma's bday. She turned 89! Jenny made some awesome desserts! chocolate covered strawberries, red velvet mini cupcakes, and a delicious strawberry cake with strawberry frosting! and the cake has a heart shaped filling!! how cute is that?!






So we celebrated our Valentines Night on Sunday. We went to the asian grocery store during the day and got some supplies and that night i whipped up a romantic asian dinner. I also decorated with some rose pedals, candles and lights. it came out so
pretty!









ed got me these lovely flowers. purple like my hair he says :)


I got him a gift bag with a card, snickers minis, marshmallow peeps and a bag of pork rinds! he was happy. :) i don't have to tell you but his card was AMAZING. my husband writes the best cards. he puts all other men to shame. i so look forward to his cards. wish i could share it with you but i should probably keep it to myself. and there you have it! GRRREEAATT WEEKEND!!