oh monday monday

went to SAE for hopefully the last time. to get my Apple Care (which we were supposed to get months ago) and sign the final withdrawal papers. but its still not completely over. i still have to get my refund and my certificates. then its done.

the stench of onions still lingers in the fridge. i have about half an onion sliced (left over from the weekend) in a baggie. i then placed that baggie into a bigger ziploc baggie and the smell is still really strong. still makes me wanna puke.

also, i think because of the progesterone i took at the beginning of july made my body ready to have my period this week. but then i start birth control yesterday. but here's the thing...my body seems to have already started the pre menstrual process so i feel like i'm retaining water. booo. so it might affect the numbers at weigh in tomorrow. BOOOOO!!

i did the "project you type 2" aerobic work out today after not doing it for 3 days. and surprisingly i got through almost the entire thing!! wow! go me!!! i'm so proud of myself and happy that my body is still getting in better shape even though i hadn't done this workout in days. :) now i can chillax for the rest of the day.

i bought a resistance ball at target. i'm gonna blow it up and try it out tomorrow.

Back on birth control

So after almost a year (got off birth control in sept '08) i'm back on as of today. Its gonna regulate my period which i desperately need. but i find i'm having some funky side effects.

usually if i take a nap i'm ok. as long as i eat something before i sleep. because when i power down (sleep) my body doesn't need food every hour. and when i wake up the hunger isn't killing me. the hunger comes back once i start to eat again. but this time when i was sleeping i started getting a bad headache and stomach pains. :( then the thought of sauteed onions (which i made a whole mess of last night) made me wanna puke. those slimy, stringy, yuck!!! then i wake up and i'm struggling to make a shake fast to eaze the monster in my stomach and i open the fridge and this overpowering smell of cut onion comes shooting out. omg....i almost threw up right there. barf!!!!

whatever i made my shake. drank it all the way down and the hunger is still there. i guess it takes a bit to register in my stomach.

my nipples are sensitive but thats to be expected. i can deal with that. i was not expecting the nausea though. and i'm not preggers. i took a preggo test on sat before i start birth control just to make sure. i don't want to harm the baby. if i was preggo i would have stopped this diet immediately. but i'm not. and its normal to have these side effects when start birth control because its messing with my hormones. but ugh. i'm gagging still. i hope it goes away soon.

its a diff birth control than before. that also might have something to do with it.

The reason grown men can't take care of themselves

We were visiting my mother in law today. she had invited us over for lunch. she made this spread of all sorts of hispanic goodies like pork and rice and beans and cuban bread. and i of course had my HMR entree and a banana. when were were getting ready to leave she offered to pack up all the food for him to take home. i quickly said "take it, i'm not cooking for you anymore." lol. which is something we discussed at length before i started HMR. he assured me he would be fine. so when my mother in law hears this she says "why not?" to which we both reply, because i'm eating the diet food. and she said "so? what does that have to do with anything?" then she looks at him and says "you cook?" and i said, he can cook his own food, he's a grown man. this was a shock to her.

i should add that back when we had our first place together in boston she said "are you gonna cook and iron and do laundry for him??" wow. WOW. my husband is a great guy, but he's been spoiled. he defended me though. saying he was fine and he could make his own meals. he's a good boy. last night he made ground pork and rice by himself with a little guidance from me. :) he's been so supportive, in anything i do. he's a great man. but man, his mom blows me away sometimes. she gets on me for not "earning my keep" (having a job) and for not ironing his clothes and now cooking for him. believe me lady, if those were the only reasons your son was with me he wouldn't have been with me for 10yrs.

ladies, the best thing you can do for you son is teach him to take care of himself, but most importantly, teach him to cook!! he's more likely to land a good girl that way. ;)

its all about the numbas

this sucks dude. every day i look in the mirror looking for change. like hello dumbass change doesn't happen over night!!! i doubt i will see the numbers i want on the scale. see this is why i hate weighing myself. it starts off this obsession with numbers. anyway...i'm thinking that if i don't start seeing the numbers i want in the first 3 weeks (3-5lbs a week) then i'm gonna go back to what i was doing before. here's why: i was doing just fine on my own. i was losing 2lbs a week which is a normal and healthy weightloss. but i started HMR because i needed to do something drastic. and at these prices, lol, i need to see results. because let me tell you i was having more fun doing it the natural way! lol. and its a lot more affordable! and this is a big stretch on our budget.

either way i will lose the weight. its just a difference between doing it quickly or doing it very slowly.
my first weigh in is tuesday. so we'll see.

I just want to make something clear

I don't hate myself. I don't hate my body. I believe women are beautiful at any size. You don't have to wait till your at a certain size to buy a new sexy bathing suit. love yourself at any size. thats what i say.

i don't look at myself in disgust. not at all. i know a lot of women who do that. in fact when i look in the mirror i think i look cute. cuter than i look to others. so i'm way off in the other direction. lol. i'm not doing this for looks, though thats a huge plus, i'm doing it for health reasons. and for my baby. but honestly the only reason i think it finally clicked in my head is because i discovered it was PCOS working against me and that it wasn't my fault. otherwise i don't know if i could be this committed. everyone has their a-ha moment. and that was mine. i just feel like my poor body has been carrying around all this extra weight for so long. it needs a break. i'm only 29. i need a chance to be young and carefree. i wasted my 20s being out of shape. i look forward to having a new life. :) i really hope to keep this momentum. especially with maintenance.

Day 5

Ok so here's the deal. I did pretty well the first couple of days. But the last couple of days I've been hungry all the time. I have to eat every hour. Whatever I eat is so tiny so it only lasts in my stomach for an hour. sometimes a lot less. so i have to say its pretty damn annoying! lol. i can't enjoy things or do something that takes hours (like going somewhere) because i constantly have to prepare something for myself to eat. grrr.

also i'm gassy. TMI ALERT: i'm burping and farting all the time. its just a lot of air. also when i pee it has an odor. its like when i used to take Triple Lecitin tablets from GNC, which helped me lose weight. not sure what was in it. maybe its all the protein in my diet. not your usual pee smell (which is usually no smell at all).

it feels like my body is going through withdrawal. i feel like i just have to get over this hurdle and wait for my body to get used to this very limited diet and then i'll be ok. but i'm telling you, its getting hard. i'm not worried about giving up or cheating, i know i won't do that. i'm very committed. but that doesn't stop me from complaining! lol. its what i do best people! it helps me deal with situations i can't do anything about.

anyway i'm hoping i can get over this bump and my body will adjust!! fingers crossed!! let's see how long it takes.

Its August! Finally!

Shit I thought July would last forever. SO much shit went down in July. I feel like I've been on that page of my planner forever. Every day on this diet goes by so slow. I don't have food to look forward to anymore. So i HAVE to find other things to make me happy. and i'm not gonna see result every day. i gotta wait till big chunks of time pass and in the meantime i have to keep my brain busy.

did you see how many posts i had in july? sheesh! onward to august!