the perks of weight lifting

not only do i have more stamina for dancing and walking, thanks to my leg muscles (thank you elliptical machine), but now with these killer muscles in my arms i find myself with  more stamina in the bedroom. i won't go into specifics but just trust me.

It was 61 degrees! brr!

Thats super cold for miami. I feel i should add the Ice cream was my husband's not mine. But i took a pic for food porn.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Santa's Enchanted Forrest

Last night we went to Santa's Enchanted Forrest. I haven't been since b4 I met my husband and he's never been. Normally I wouldn't waste the money but it was really cold this weekend for some reason and I really wanted to do something outdoors to enjoy it. So we ended up going there at 9pm. It closes at midnight. My husband thought it was a waste of money ($26 per person) to only go for 3 hours but i figured we could get a lot done.

I should explain that Santa's is a 2 part theme park. The first part is all pretty lights and cute Christmas displays. The 2nd part is a carnival with rides and food.Speaking of food, I have never lusted over food as I did last night. I had to point out each food place and what they sold. Thank goodness I had the foresight to have dinner at home first. Whew! So I am proud to say that the only thing I bought there was 1 bottle of water. :-)

Around 11:30 people started to clear out. I was ready to leave but my husband wanted to go back and see if he could get on the rides with no lines. We ended up staying till 1am! He got to ride all the rides he wanted with little to no lines. It was awesome. We definitely felt like we got our money's worth by staying. It was so much nicer without the crowds. It felt like Disney during resort hours. When it got late I started to get hungry. Uh oh. I pulled out some trailmix just to hold me over. It ended up getting alittle stuck which was a good thing because when my husband offered to buy me something to eat I really couldn't!

I really wanted something sweet but everything there was fried or pure sugar. So when I got home I made this really yummy dessert using graham crackers, sugar free caramel, sugar free jello pudding, sugar free cool whip, sf vanilla syrup, apples and toasted pecans. I had one slice and let me tell you, it was decadent and totally hit that sweet spot. Last night was a great night! Oh and when I got home I ate my leftover dinner too. I have made a corn tortilla with homemade refried beans (not really refried just cooked and mashed), ground turkey taco meat, cheese, lettuce, tomato and sour cream. Well I could only eat half so } popped it in the fridge. When I came home it was like eating Taco Bell leftovers. I always used to eat them cold. It was so yummy! A night of yummy food and no carnival food!

Weird thing is i hardly consumed anything yesterday. I got in 35g of protein and 39oz of water. An all time low for me. I wonder if its because of the cold weather? Weird because i was out walking around for hours.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Almost down 50lbs

Weighed myself today and I am 1 lb away from having lost 50lbs!! wow! how cool is that?! i swear little by little, only 1-2lbs a week but it adds up. i'm 12lbs away from being in onderland. i think i can do it by xmas!


today i was at old navy and i bought some pants! i've never been able to fit into pants there. but even my stretchy pants are getting too loose on me. so that was cool. i also bought a christmas shirt that was a bit snug on me. i'm sure by christmas it will fit me better. :) its a goal.

dear diary

i'm trying not to feel worthless. its an ugly trait to feel that way so easily. but i was so close to feeling worth something. so close. but i didn't get the job. now i'm totally lost. will i ever get a paycheck? my husband seemed so happy at the thought of me getting a job. and i don't blame him. you can tell yourself over and over again, if you don't get it, no biggie, move on. but then when it happens...easier said than done.

Ladies, I have a question for you....

I'm getting my period. I haven't had a period since before surgery in AUGUST. I started on the pill in late september and was supposed to get my period in oct. But the week my period was supposed to land on was my trip to disney so i decided to just move on to another pack. Well i'm on the last week of pills on that pack which means i should be getting my period next week. But my body isn't even waiting for the pills to end. It doesn't seem to care if i'm on the pill or not. I've been pmsing and cramping and this week i've been spotting (no blood) so i'm guessing this period is gonna be a doozy.

well you know how we crave chocolate when we're getting our periods? well thats where i am right now. ME WANT CHOCOLATE!!! NOW!!!! I feel like i could eat 3 candy bars. though it would probably be more like 3 minis in my case.

Now...i went through halloween and had no candy. i've been really good.

so here's my question. do you guys ever eat a candy bar? is this forbodden? can i allow myself chocolate or am i just making excuses for bad behavior?? help! i need guidance!! and don't talk to me about no dark chocolate or sugar free. i need the real stuff! pure uncut candy bar.

trying not to beat myself up

but its not working.

i didn't know i was going to be defective. but i am. its gotten worse over the years. and now he's stuck with me. its hard to feel positive and hopeful and determined to find a solution when instead of understanding and support you get lectured by someone who's obviously sexually frustrated. so now the berating begins. inside my head. i don't blame him. i'm obviously the freak. and if we broke up. he would move on and find someone great and be happy. and i would be the defective freak for the rest of my life. what did i do to deserve being this way? no warning. wish i could just be normal. i look at pictures of myself as a teenager, i had my whole life ahead of me.

i need to learn to depend on myself. because i will probably end up alone. i've had a free ride up till now. i have to really ask myself whats going on? i can't blame it all on him. he's obviously perfect. he can talk his way out of anything. ugh i'm sick of being made to feel like the child in this relationship. i should have lived on my own at some point. supported myself. i never did that. i just went from my parents to him. he takes good care of me. but i don't know if he respects me or just sees me as someone he has to take care of. there's a definite compromise to living this way. in exchange for being taken care of i get people telling me i do nothing all day, i have to ask for permission to buy things, i really can't complain about things, i'm not looked up to, i'm not taken very seriously. but of course i'm crazy, i don't think rationally, i'm overemotional so i'm making this all up and i'm overly dramatic.

if i lived alone and supported myself it would be hard but it would have its perks. but i would be lonely. because lets face it, i'm a relationship girl. regardless of how well he'd do without me, i would be miserable without him. things were so much easier the first 4 years. relationships are hard. i wish he would say nice things to me once in a while. be romantic every now and then. but thats just not him. i can live with that. but me being defective is too much. deadlines are too much. the harsh reality of how my problem will affect our relationship and our future is too much for me. and you don't understand how i could feel hopeless. when will you get fed up and leave me? you're already imagining a bleak future with me. you don't want it. i don't want it. is this just a rough patch?