Taking a voluntary leave of absence from social media (or what i like to call social rehab) and its been tough. Especially when I can't put my every thought out there for everyone to see. like who is going to know how yummy this coffee is?

i have to express myself somehow or i just go crazy. so i dusted off this old blog. i'm sure no one bothers to read this anymore which is a good thing because interaction is not the best thing for my rehab. just writing to write. also i don't feel like updating my whole life since my last post.


i just really wanna say this....

the best most surprising times i've had were times when i didn't expect anything. expectations are killers of good things. they make you only see the "bad" things. i have to make a conscious effort to let go of all expectations. to walk into each situation with a blank slate and accept the gifts life has to give me.

Baby Benji

Sorry guys! Didn't think anyone really read this anymore. But since Sarah left me a comment wanting to know, i'm updating you on the baby.

Benjamin Thomas Toro

He was born on his due date 12-12-12 after 52 hours of labor. All natural childbirth, no drugs. Not in a hospital, in a birthing center. Labored in the tub for hours and ended up having him in the bed. Really proud of myself and my body. Because i have a low threshold for pain AND bc the original OBGYN i saw said i was high risk bc i have WLS. which is BS because the two things have nothing to do with each other. well guess what, i had a perfectly normal natural pregnancy and birth. no issues at all. everything went perfect. so that just goes to show you, doctors aren't always right. if it was up to the OB i probably would have ended up with an unnecessary c-section.

Benji is 3 months now and so yummy i could eat him up. he gets cuter and smilier every day.

why no one truly can relate

i can never find someone who really gets me. they might get some of me, but not all of me. i'm different. and here's why....

-i had wls (the sleeve)
-i have PCOS
-i'm giving birth at a birthing center
-i'm having a water birth
-i have vaginismus
-i suck my finger and curl my hair. it soothes me.

these are things that set me apart from other people. some people might understand one or two things, but not all of it. thats why i'll never truly fit in. thats why i'm on my own. thats why when ppl try to tell me what i should be doing i have to take it with a grain of salt. because they don't really know my situation.

me at 7 months (baby shower)

me at 6 months

me at 5 months

me at 4 months pregnant