we get so caught up in our lives. in our day to day wants and needs. and it takes something so earth shattering to break us out of our own world and remind us whats important. people. not things.
cherish each other.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
My wish list for the next 6-10 months
Lose weight
Get a job
Get a car
Get a phone with internet so I can feed my Twitter obsession
Thats all that comes to mind right now.
Get a job
Get a car
Get a phone with internet so I can feed my Twitter obsession
Thats all that comes to mind right now.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Contemplating HMR
I'm ready for drastic measures. I am.
But here's what I don't need:
People judging me.
People being negative.
People pointing out my mistakes and not my triumphs.
Thats just not constructive.
So many times I talk to certain friends or certain family members who, when i tell them all the good stuff i'm doing, find a way to point out what i'm not doing instead of praising what I am doing. People, thats not helpful. It doesn't motivate me. It tears me down.
So I'm afraid of these weekly "meetings" that HMR does. And probably the same reason I avoid talking to ppl about my weight and why I dread DR appts. Doctors so often tell me "you need to lose weight" but when i try to tell them that i've been trying they just tune me out. "uh huh, uh huh, yeah yeah yeah, you have to lose weight". are you surprised that i loathe talking about my weight to people???? Then there are those times when I go off track. and instead of saying "thats ok, it happens to everyone, the important thing is to get back in the swing of things", they say "see you can't do that, you need to bla bla bla bla".
So yeah..i'm worried going to these meetings will totally turn me off to the whole thing. because negativity just makes me lose hope.
What I do need:
People praising the good things I've done.
People supporting me, and no judging me.
People treating me like a normal human being, not some subhuman.
People who give me ideas, and share their recipes, workouts, and struggles with me.
And endless endless thanks to my cousins who have NEVER judged me. And who continue to support me in everything I do. It means so much to me. Thanks you guys!
But here's what I don't need:
People judging me.
People being negative.
People pointing out my mistakes and not my triumphs.
Thats just not constructive.
So many times I talk to certain friends or certain family members who, when i tell them all the good stuff i'm doing, find a way to point out what i'm not doing instead of praising what I am doing. People, thats not helpful. It doesn't motivate me. It tears me down.
So I'm afraid of these weekly "meetings" that HMR does. And probably the same reason I avoid talking to ppl about my weight and why I dread DR appts. Doctors so often tell me "you need to lose weight" but when i try to tell them that i've been trying they just tune me out. "uh huh, uh huh, yeah yeah yeah, you have to lose weight". are you surprised that i loathe talking about my weight to people???? Then there are those times when I go off track. and instead of saying "thats ok, it happens to everyone, the important thing is to get back in the swing of things", they say "see you can't do that, you need to bla bla bla bla".
So yeah..i'm worried going to these meetings will totally turn me off to the whole thing. because negativity just makes me lose hope.
What I do need:
People praising the good things I've done.
People supporting me, and no judging me.
People treating me like a normal human being, not some subhuman.
People who give me ideas, and share their recipes, workouts, and struggles with me.
And endless endless thanks to my cousins who have NEVER judged me. And who continue to support me in everything I do. It means so much to me. Thanks you guys!
Perez Hilton emailed me back!! woohoo!!
ohhh whhaaatt!!
my email:
i've gone my whole life being overweight. but now that i'm almost 30 and want to have a kid i realized i can't have one unless i lose some serious weight. its like for the first time something clicked in my head where i'm actually willing to eat right and exercise. its the craziest thing. i've been working out for over a week straight already. and i'm still motivated.
seeing your video was so inspiring. it was really important for me to see someone who didn't yo-yo back to their old weight. so many times i've lost a little then gained it back because i couldn't stick to it. and you know, kirsty alley and oprah and ppl like that make it seem so bleak to actually maintain weightloss. but to see that here you are a year later a nd you look so amazing and you're still so motivated. AND you've been able to maintain good eating habits is very inspirational to me.
i was so impressed by your midsection most of all. i was wondering if you could maybe talk about what specific workouts you do to get that kind of cut.
i don't know if you'll read this or not but thats ok. i understand you're busy.
just wanted you to know you're keeping me going. if you can do it, i can do it.
melissa
miami, fl
His response:
Awwww, thanks Mel.
You can do it!!!
xoxo
P
How fucking cool is that?
my email:
i've gone my whole life being overweight. but now that i'm almost 30 and want to have a kid i realized i can't have one unless i lose some serious weight. its like for the first time something clicked in my head where i'm actually willing to eat right and exercise. its the craziest thing. i've been working out for over a week straight already. and i'm still motivated.
seeing your video was so inspiring. it was really important for me to see someone who didn't yo-yo back to their old weight. so many times i've lost a little then gained it back because i couldn't stick to it. and you know, kirsty alley and oprah and ppl like that make it seem so bleak to actually maintain weightloss. but to see that here you are a year later a nd you look so amazing and you're still so motivated. AND you've been able to maintain good eating habits is very inspirational to me.
i was so impressed by your midsection most of all. i was wondering if you could maybe talk about what specific workouts you do to get that kind of cut.
i don't know if you'll read this or not but thats ok. i understand you're busy.
just wanted you to know you're keeping me going. if you can do it, i can do it.
melissa
miami, fl
His response:
Awwww, thanks Mel.
You can do it!!!
xoxo
P
How fucking cool is that?
Friday, July 3, 2009
My diagnosis - PCOS
Ok so here we go...
2 wednesdays ago i had a gyno apt for a pap. my doctor talked to me about getting back on the pill because she worries that i'm not ovulating and thus not shedding the lining in my uterus and this could lead to cancer later on.
she also told me she thinks i have PCOS which is Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. This freaked me out. Because it sounds like some kind of cancer. Its not. It a hormonal disorder. Your body builds up an insulin resistance which causes your body to make excess insulin and ( I may not be explaining it right, just google it) this causes weight gain and difficulty losing weight. Also women with PCOS have trouble ovulating and conceiving. If left untreated it could lead to Diabetes.
Here's a list of symptoms of PCOS, all of which I have:
-Swelling of intestines (i always feel lumps in my stomach, especially when i'm full)
-obesity
-weight gain (mostly around the abdomen)
-problems losing weight
-few to no periods
-heavy irregular vaginal bleeding (had a very very heavy period for a month in april)
-acne
-depression
-male pattern baldness or thinning hair
-dark skin patches (i have them on my neck)
-facial hair
-redness, itching, swelling
this is amazing to me. they say this disorder is most likely inherited. there's a huge chance my mom or sis have it.
There is no cure. There are ways to treat the individual symptoms. the birth control pills, or progesterone will help regulate your period and ovulate. losing weight is the best fix for this condition.
for the very first time, instead of someone blaming everything on me being fat, someone finally said hey its not your fault. you have a disorder thats working against you. and for the first time i felt like a normal person and not some kind of monster.
it was such a relief to know that all these things i've been feeling aren't just "something that some people get", no they all have an explanation. it made me feel so much better. because it gave me hope. hope that things can change.
i'm very lucky that my doctor caught this now before it turned into diabetes. very very lucky. thank god.
now i know that a diabetic like diet (glycemic index, low carb) is what i need to lose the weight. all these years i've stayed away from that diet. thinking it was a fad and i couldn't stick to it. i've always done low fat diets. and that wasn't working for me. god it all makes so much sense now.
so the next day i started going to the gym. i've gone every day since then. its been a little over a week. and i've been trying to eat lean proteins, good fats, fruits and veggies, and if i do eat carbs i keep it minimal and whole wheat. i'm already seeing my body change. i wasn't sure if i had it because i had to get blood tests. i was waiting to hear the results. doc called yesterday. she said the tests were clear but no one test can determine PCOS. she says that from what she can see, i have it. and i totally agree.
I'm contemplating going on a special diet plan specialized for diabetics and ppl with pcos. if i can afford it. if not i'll just keep doing it on my own with the new info i have. bottom line is, this is it. i need to get healthy. my life depends on it. and i want to have a baby in the next 2 yrs. so i will do whatever it takes to make that happen.
i have so much hope now!! i'm so happy. lol.
2 wednesdays ago i had a gyno apt for a pap. my doctor talked to me about getting back on the pill because she worries that i'm not ovulating and thus not shedding the lining in my uterus and this could lead to cancer later on.
she also told me she thinks i have PCOS which is Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. This freaked me out. Because it sounds like some kind of cancer. Its not. It a hormonal disorder. Your body builds up an insulin resistance which causes your body to make excess insulin and ( I may not be explaining it right, just google it) this causes weight gain and difficulty losing weight. Also women with PCOS have trouble ovulating and conceiving. If left untreated it could lead to Diabetes.
Here's a list of symptoms of PCOS, all of which I have:
-Swelling of intestines (i always feel lumps in my stomach, especially when i'm full)
-obesity
-weight gain (mostly around the abdomen)
-problems losing weight
-few to no periods
-heavy irregular vaginal bleeding (had a very very heavy period for a month in april)
-acne
-depression
-male pattern baldness or thinning hair
-dark skin patches (i have them on my neck)
-facial hair
-redness, itching, swelling
this is amazing to me. they say this disorder is most likely inherited. there's a huge chance my mom or sis have it.
There is no cure. There are ways to treat the individual symptoms. the birth control pills, or progesterone will help regulate your period and ovulate. losing weight is the best fix for this condition.
for the very first time, instead of someone blaming everything on me being fat, someone finally said hey its not your fault. you have a disorder thats working against you. and for the first time i felt like a normal person and not some kind of monster.
it was such a relief to know that all these things i've been feeling aren't just "something that some people get", no they all have an explanation. it made me feel so much better. because it gave me hope. hope that things can change.
i'm very lucky that my doctor caught this now before it turned into diabetes. very very lucky. thank god.
now i know that a diabetic like diet (glycemic index, low carb) is what i need to lose the weight. all these years i've stayed away from that diet. thinking it was a fad and i couldn't stick to it. i've always done low fat diets. and that wasn't working for me. god it all makes so much sense now.
so the next day i started going to the gym. i've gone every day since then. its been a little over a week. and i've been trying to eat lean proteins, good fats, fruits and veggies, and if i do eat carbs i keep it minimal and whole wheat. i'm already seeing my body change. i wasn't sure if i had it because i had to get blood tests. i was waiting to hear the results. doc called yesterday. she said the tests were clear but no one test can determine PCOS. she says that from what she can see, i have it. and i totally agree.
I'm contemplating going on a special diet plan specialized for diabetics and ppl with pcos. if i can afford it. if not i'll just keep doing it on my own with the new info i have. bottom line is, this is it. i need to get healthy. my life depends on it. and i want to have a baby in the next 2 yrs. so i will do whatever it takes to make that happen.
i have so much hope now!! i'm so happy. lol.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
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