i slept late today for the first time in days. don't know why. made myself get up at 10:30 but i would have stayed in bed longer.
i didn't seem to eat much during the day. i mean i was eating pretty much every hour but it was really tiny stuff. seems like i couldn't get full. but its my own fault. i kept trying to save the entree for after my workout but i was lazy and kept pushing the workout back and back and back. so yeah. then i was like...ugh i'm just too tired for that aerobic exercise. BUT i did go for a walk around the pool for about 35 min. I would have gone more but my damn feet were hurting. grrr! my poor arches. i don't know if it was the shoes or what but it sucks. i have a problem with gripping with my feet to keep my balance and my muscles get so sore. so i came back to my apt and started dancing around for like 10 min. i even did some of the moves from my aerobics tape. it was awesome!! my stamina has really improved. i used to not make it through one song. my goal is to be able to dance all night at my 30th bday party next june. :)
so because i saved all my entrees till later i find myself eating a bunch at the end of the day. i had a shake before dinner, then dinner and here i am trying to make room for my last shake so i can go to bed. i guess i could just go to bed, but i really like being able to check off those check boxes that say i had 3 shakes, 2 entrees, and 5 fruits and veggies. lol.
*update* its been a few hours and i'm hungry again so i'm having pudding. booya! check mark! lol. the pudding is still grainy but i'm getting used to it. mixer helps. tomorrow i'll try mixing it a long time and adding extra water and see what happens.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Day 2
Let me just preface this by saying that my camera battery is dead and my parents have the charger. I'm not sure when I'll see them again so until then, no pics. sadly.
Ok so yesterday was Day 2 and I have to say it was better than day 1.
The weird thing, you saw, was that I was up at 5:30am. My stomach was growling and I couldn't go back to sleep. I had water and a banana. It was too early to make a shake, the blender would be too loud. Luckily they had given me a sample of some hot cereal that they have available on the site. So I had that. It was like oatmeal with chunks of raisins, cranberries and currents (whatever those are). The pieces of fruit were delicious but the rest of it was sooooo bland. I guess I'm used to instant oatmeal thats a lot sweeter. I tried adding cinnamon but it didn't really do anything. So I don't think I'll be buying this cereal. It was just too bland.
So ok fine I finally went back to bed at 9am. Then I got up at 1pm. It was my "rest" day on my workout plan so I wasn't obligated to work out. I made a shake. Then later I tried to make the dreaded pudding again. I wasn't ready to give up on it. This time I used a mixer and mixed for a good 3 min to get it as smooth as possible. It was still a little grainy but MUCH better than the day before. It was edible. I figure either I'll get it to the place I want it to be or I'll just get used to the texture. I have to say, knowing what to expect makes it easier. Same goes for entrees.
So let's get to the entrees. My lunch entree was lasagna. I give it an A! It was great. Can't go wrong with lasagna. I even licked the carton clean! lol. So its great to know there are some entrees I will for sure get next time. My dinner entree was Savory chicken which includes 2 small pieces of chicken (surprising to me since CHICKEN is in the title) with risotto, a few mushrooms, and a few carrots mixed in. I was pretty surprised. The risotto, mushrooms and carrots were delicious!! And the chicken also were only 2 small pieces, were good too. I def give this entree an A. yum yum yum. I had it with green beans and a baked potato. Then I drank a strawberry smoothie before bed so i could be nice and full and sleep through the night. And I pretty much did.
right now i'm not hungry but i should eat anyway.
so i'm just gonna quickly show you the times i ate/drank shakes.
5:30am -banana and water
7am-hot cereal
8:15am-shake
sleep
1:30pm-shake
3:00pm-entire bag of steamed corn
4:45pm- pudding
5:00pm-entree
7:00pm-shake
8:40pm-bar
9:30pm-entree w/veggies
11:35pm-shake
Ok so yesterday was Day 2 and I have to say it was better than day 1.
The weird thing, you saw, was that I was up at 5:30am. My stomach was growling and I couldn't go back to sleep. I had water and a banana. It was too early to make a shake, the blender would be too loud. Luckily they had given me a sample of some hot cereal that they have available on the site. So I had that. It was like oatmeal with chunks of raisins, cranberries and currents (whatever those are). The pieces of fruit were delicious but the rest of it was sooooo bland. I guess I'm used to instant oatmeal thats a lot sweeter. I tried adding cinnamon but it didn't really do anything. So I don't think I'll be buying this cereal. It was just too bland.
So ok fine I finally went back to bed at 9am. Then I got up at 1pm. It was my "rest" day on my workout plan so I wasn't obligated to work out. I made a shake. Then later I tried to make the dreaded pudding again. I wasn't ready to give up on it. This time I used a mixer and mixed for a good 3 min to get it as smooth as possible. It was still a little grainy but MUCH better than the day before. It was edible. I figure either I'll get it to the place I want it to be or I'll just get used to the texture. I have to say, knowing what to expect makes it easier. Same goes for entrees.
So let's get to the entrees. My lunch entree was lasagna. I give it an A! It was great. Can't go wrong with lasagna. I even licked the carton clean! lol. So its great to know there are some entrees I will for sure get next time. My dinner entree was Savory chicken which includes 2 small pieces of chicken (surprising to me since CHICKEN is in the title) with risotto, a few mushrooms, and a few carrots mixed in. I was pretty surprised. The risotto, mushrooms and carrots were delicious!! And the chicken also were only 2 small pieces, were good too. I def give this entree an A. yum yum yum. I had it with green beans and a baked potato. Then I drank a strawberry smoothie before bed so i could be nice and full and sleep through the night. And I pretty much did.
right now i'm not hungry but i should eat anyway.
so i'm just gonna quickly show you the times i ate/drank shakes.
5:30am -banana and water
7am-hot cereal
8:15am-shake
sleep
1:30pm-shake
3:00pm-entire bag of steamed corn
4:45pm- pudding
5:00pm-entree
7:00pm-shake
8:40pm-bar
9:30pm-entree w/veggies
11:35pm-shake
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Change in attitude
One thing I've noticed recently is that I'm in a much better mood. I'm not so quick to say no to things. Now I say yes. I mean you should have seen my at my grandma's house painting. I didn't complain. I painted on my own. People asked me to bring them things and I did. I didn't snap at anyone or give them attitude. I was amazed at myself! lol.
I'm a HUGE control freak. I need to do things on my terms. But I find myself being a lot more flexible. Which is great. Because I really need a change in attitude. I need to be open to more experiences. I need to enjoy life more. So this is a pretty cool new development. :)
I'm a HUGE control freak. I need to do things on my terms. But I find myself being a lot more flexible. Which is great. Because I really need a change in attitude. I need to be open to more experiences. I need to enjoy life more. So this is a pretty cool new development. :)
My first HMR phone call is next Tuesday
I'm not worried. I used to worry because I hate having to face someone who would scold me if I didn't do what I was supposed to. But honestly I've been really good. I'm not worried because I'm doing everything I should be doing.
There's all this stuff in the guide that talks about eating a lot so you're not tempted to cheat. I'm not worried about cheating. I know I won't. I just know there are times when I'm just not hungry. So i have to force myself to eat.
But i can't believe how strong i am. Its not even an effort for me. its weird right? almost like i'm hypnotized.
There's all this stuff in the guide that talks about eating a lot so you're not tempted to cheat. I'm not worried about cheating. I know I won't. I just know there are times when I'm just not hungry. So i have to force myself to eat.
But i can't believe how strong i am. Its not even an effort for me. its weird right? almost like i'm hypnotized.
HMR Day 1
Ok so its actually day 2. i was up at 5am for some reason. So I'll take this time to update you on my first day of HMR. Before I begin I just wanna say, I had to weigh myself to get a start point for HMR and according to the scale I've lost 11 LBS since I started working out and eating right a month ago!! woohoo!! 11lbs all on my own!! Its all because I cut out most carbs. What a boost that was. Ok back to where was i...
I couldn't sleep. I was too excited. So the latest I could stay in bed was 8:30am. I woke up and made a smoothie using the Vanilla 120 shake, a whole mango (cut up of course) and about 6 ice cubes. This was my first time making the shakes. It was a learning experience. I blended this stuff so it ended up making 2 big glassfuls of shake. OOF!!! The shake itself was creamy and thick and very tasty.
It was hard for me to drink both glasses. It was like...barf...too much. After a while it was just too much fluff for me. Afterwards I was full but not satisfied. I'm the kind of person who likes hot and salty solid food. So after a couple of hours I had a small baked potato with some spray butter (veg. spray) and it was soooo satisfying!! and on this plan i can have potatoes so i was psyched.
Then came lunch time. I was curious to try one of these non refrigerated entrees. I knew they weren't gonna look like the box. And they would probably be....umm...not the best tasting, but yet i hoped for the best. The entree I chose was:
Looks yummy huh?
This is what it actually looked like.
yeah. i added some veggies though to help out.
how can i explain this entree? hmm.. it was like chef boyardee in a can. thats what it was like. these measly "enchilada" things that fell apart at the touch of a fork, swimming..no...drowning in a watery sauce. the taste of it all wasn't bad. it was just too wet. it ruined the whole thing. a bit discouraging but i just figured ok now i know for next order not to order the enchiladas again. But i needed to get the taste out of my mouth. so i had a benefit bar.
no pic of the bar itself because it was gone very fast. it was so good.
Then since I had worked out early I had energy and decided to volunteer to go paint my grandma's new (old busted) house. I drank a shake before i left but since my mom was rushing me there was no time for the blender. I just threw some powder, water, and ice into a shaker and shook it up. It wasn't bad but it didn't yield much shake at all. Only about half the shaker. I packed a lunch bag with an apple, some water, a pudding pack and another benefit bar. I figured that outta hold me over till dinner. I ended up being there from 4:30 to 8pm. I had my apple and my water. Then my pudding. No pic of the pudding. OMG it was awful!!! It was one of the 70 chocolate shake packs that could also be used for pudding. Just mix the powder with water. Well it was so grainy, no matter how much water i added. I don't know if i did it wrong or what but it was a struggle to get that stuff down. I wanted to gag numerous times. But believe me I put on my game face because I was surrounded by family eating rotisserie chicken and looking at me very skeptically. So believe me I faked that shit. I had my game face on. Yum yum, pudding (gagging on the inside). Then later I had my benefit bar. Or I should say, I scarfed it down.
I got home and had a banana to hold me while I whipped up some dinner. I was a bit more discouraged after the pudding fiasco (since i had so looked forward to puddings after each dinner) but again, i tried to stay positive. I decided i wanted something more solid for dinner. So I chose the BBQ chicken with rice and beans. This one looked a lot more like the box. (box not pictured)
This was a LOT better than lunch. The chicken was like..aahhhh...solid food. It was good. The rice too. The beans i didn't really like but i ate them anyway.
I also had some tomato and avocado salad. the avocado was too ripe. more mush to my day. ugh.
But this was a filling meal. I ended up being really tired from all the physical activity today and wanted to go right to bed. But my stomach was doing weird stuff. I think my body has to get used to this food. its doing some weird numbers on me. i went to the bathroom sooo many times today. and my stomach was hurting at night. like...i was afraid to have ed use the bathroom because its the only one and there was no telling what my stomach might do. luckily after laying down it settled.
but BOING i'm up at 5:30 am the next day. WHY? who knows. I ate a banana and had some water. Its all part of the process i guess.
So my review thus far?? The taste of this food isn't bad, the thing that I have to get past is the textures. I happen to be very sensitive to textures. I don't like fluffy, chewy, slimy, watery. I like crispy, doughy, crunchy, dry, burnt stuff. lol. So this will be a huge adjustment for me texture wise. I have to learn what veggies compliment what foods and hopefully that will help.
So far my fav things are the vanilla 120 shakes (plain or with fruit) and the benefit bars. my least fav? The pudding!!!
I couldn't sleep. I was too excited. So the latest I could stay in bed was 8:30am. I woke up and made a smoothie using the Vanilla 120 shake, a whole mango (cut up of course) and about 6 ice cubes. This was my first time making the shakes. It was a learning experience. I blended this stuff so it ended up making 2 big glassfuls of shake. OOF!!! The shake itself was creamy and thick and very tasty.
It was hard for me to drink both glasses. It was like...barf...too much. After a while it was just too much fluff for me. Afterwards I was full but not satisfied. I'm the kind of person who likes hot and salty solid food. So after a couple of hours I had a small baked potato with some spray butter (veg. spray) and it was soooo satisfying!! and on this plan i can have potatoes so i was psyched.
Then came lunch time. I was curious to try one of these non refrigerated entrees. I knew they weren't gonna look like the box. And they would probably be....umm...not the best tasting, but yet i hoped for the best. The entree I chose was:
Looks yummy huh?
This is what it actually looked like.
yeah. i added some veggies though to help out.
how can i explain this entree? hmm.. it was like chef boyardee in a can. thats what it was like. these measly "enchilada" things that fell apart at the touch of a fork, swimming..no...drowning in a watery sauce. the taste of it all wasn't bad. it was just too wet. it ruined the whole thing. a bit discouraging but i just figured ok now i know for next order not to order the enchiladas again. But i needed to get the taste out of my mouth. so i had a benefit bar.
no pic of the bar itself because it was gone very fast. it was so good.
Then since I had worked out early I had energy and decided to volunteer to go paint my grandma's new (old busted) house. I drank a shake before i left but since my mom was rushing me there was no time for the blender. I just threw some powder, water, and ice into a shaker and shook it up. It wasn't bad but it didn't yield much shake at all. Only about half the shaker. I packed a lunch bag with an apple, some water, a pudding pack and another benefit bar. I figured that outta hold me over till dinner. I ended up being there from 4:30 to 8pm. I had my apple and my water. Then my pudding. No pic of the pudding. OMG it was awful!!! It was one of the 70 chocolate shake packs that could also be used for pudding. Just mix the powder with water. Well it was so grainy, no matter how much water i added. I don't know if i did it wrong or what but it was a struggle to get that stuff down. I wanted to gag numerous times. But believe me I put on my game face because I was surrounded by family eating rotisserie chicken and looking at me very skeptically. So believe me I faked that shit. I had my game face on. Yum yum, pudding (gagging on the inside). Then later I had my benefit bar. Or I should say, I scarfed it down.
I got home and had a banana to hold me while I whipped up some dinner. I was a bit more discouraged after the pudding fiasco (since i had so looked forward to puddings after each dinner) but again, i tried to stay positive. I decided i wanted something more solid for dinner. So I chose the BBQ chicken with rice and beans. This one looked a lot more like the box. (box not pictured)
This was a LOT better than lunch. The chicken was like..aahhhh...solid food. It was good. The rice too. The beans i didn't really like but i ate them anyway.
I also had some tomato and avocado salad. the avocado was too ripe. more mush to my day. ugh.
But this was a filling meal. I ended up being really tired from all the physical activity today and wanted to go right to bed. But my stomach was doing weird stuff. I think my body has to get used to this food. its doing some weird numbers on me. i went to the bathroom sooo many times today. and my stomach was hurting at night. like...i was afraid to have ed use the bathroom because its the only one and there was no telling what my stomach might do. luckily after laying down it settled.
but BOING i'm up at 5:30 am the next day. WHY? who knows. I ate a banana and had some water. Its all part of the process i guess.
So my review thus far?? The taste of this food isn't bad, the thing that I have to get past is the textures. I happen to be very sensitive to textures. I don't like fluffy, chewy, slimy, watery. I like crispy, doughy, crunchy, dry, burnt stuff. lol. So this will be a huge adjustment for me texture wise. I have to learn what veggies compliment what foods and hopefully that will help.
So far my fav things are the vanilla 120 shakes (plain or with fruit) and the benefit bars. my least fav? The pudding!!!
Monday, July 27, 2009
Loss of libido? I got things working against me here.
Many of my friends have heard me joke that I don't have sex much. I just don't have much drive. My poor husband is such a trooper to deal with this but it always bothers me. I found out I have Vaginismus a couple years ago. I'm pretty sure it was due to physical trauma I experienced when I had to get a biopsy at this gynecologist in boston. It was the most horrible medical experience of my life and I believe it really did traumatize me. I'm scared to death now to have any medical procedure done. You should have seen me when I went in to get my wisdom teeth out. I had a crazy anxiety attack and started crying uncontrollably and they hadn't even done anything to me yet. The vaginismus sucks because it hurts to have sex. Bad. Unless i use some dr. prescribed lube that takes 10 min to kick in. It numbs me down there so i'm able to have sex. As you can imagine it takes away from all spontaneity. But I have found that if i get really really turned on i can have pain free sex. but like my husband says i need the moon and stars to align to get turned on. i'm very mental.
are you keeping count? thats 2 things working against me so far. A. Vaginismus and B. It takes a lot of mental stimulation and build up to get me turned on.
Now I found out I have PCOS which is a hormonal dysfunction and....you guessed it....it affects libido. According to Incyst (a pcos blog) its just one more thing working against me.
All I can hope is that losing weight and getting healthy will help. More energy, more confidence, more stamina. I'm hoping things change. I want to be normal again. I want to feel like a woman. All my friends talk about how great sex is and how often they have it and i feel like a freak. Not to mention a bad wife.
are you keeping count? thats 2 things working against me so far. A. Vaginismus and B. It takes a lot of mental stimulation and build up to get me turned on.
Now I found out I have PCOS which is a hormonal dysfunction and....you guessed it....it affects libido. According to Incyst (a pcos blog) its just one more thing working against me.
All I can hope is that losing weight and getting healthy will help. More energy, more confidence, more stamina. I'm hoping things change. I want to be normal again. I want to feel like a woman. All my friends talk about how great sex is and how often they have it and i feel like a freak. Not to mention a bad wife.
OMG OMG OMG!! HMR CAME TODAY!!!! YAY!!
OK ok ok ok so i got a big package (2 actually) in the mail today! SO dying of excitement!
The smaller box had the Benefit bars. These don't come with the Quick Start Kit, I bought these extra. They're for times when I'm on the road or somewhere where i can't prepare a shake or microwave food. Like the movies. I've heard they're yummy.
In the big box were the shakes, the entrees, and all the guides and info
Just to give you an idea of some of the entrees
Just to give you an idea of what 3 weeks of food looks like. (it was a mission to find space for this stuff) By the way the box of shakes at the bottom is for making pudding. For dessert! :)
plus these shakes that didn't fit in there!
It also comes with a recipe book. I looked inside there are a lot of cool things you can add to the shakes including fruits, extracts, spices, gelatin, even diet soda!!
The stuff that came inside: Support Guide, Weekly Progress Chart, Quick Start Guide and an order form. Oh and a cd with lots of good info on it.
This is the weekly progress chart. Its a good way to chart my process over the weeks and months.
and...thats it!!! I'm a little nervous but more excited than anything! eep!! I will weigh myself in the morning. I haven't weighed myself since I started last month because I don't like to weigh myself. I prefer to see the changes in my body because if you don't see the numbers you want you get discouraged. But for this I have to chart my weight each week. So I'll weigh myself before I start. I'm kind of curious to see how much I've lost so far on my own. I'm sure its less than what I think. But it doesn't matter. I see my body and I know it looks and feels diff.
So tomorrow I actually start eat these things. I'll report back and let you know how they taste. :) aahhh!!
The smaller box had the Benefit bars. These don't come with the Quick Start Kit, I bought these extra. They're for times when I'm on the road or somewhere where i can't prepare a shake or microwave food. Like the movies. I've heard they're yummy.
In the big box were the shakes, the entrees, and all the guides and info
Just to give you an idea of some of the entrees
Just to give you an idea of what 3 weeks of food looks like. (it was a mission to find space for this stuff) By the way the box of shakes at the bottom is for making pudding. For dessert! :)
plus these shakes that didn't fit in there!
It also comes with a recipe book. I looked inside there are a lot of cool things you can add to the shakes including fruits, extracts, spices, gelatin, even diet soda!!
The stuff that came inside: Support Guide, Weekly Progress Chart, Quick Start Guide and an order form. Oh and a cd with lots of good info on it.
This is the weekly progress chart. Its a good way to chart my process over the weeks and months.
and...thats it!!! I'm a little nervous but more excited than anything! eep!! I will weigh myself in the morning. I haven't weighed myself since I started last month because I don't like to weigh myself. I prefer to see the changes in my body because if you don't see the numbers you want you get discouraged. But for this I have to chart my weight each week. So I'll weigh myself before I start. I'm kind of curious to see how much I've lost so far on my own. I'm sure its less than what I think. But it doesn't matter. I see my body and I know it looks and feels diff.
So tomorrow I actually start eat these things. I'll report back and let you know how they taste. :) aahhh!!
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